Anonymous
Well-known member
OK here is my story.
I've been having social phobia for as long as I remember. But I didn't know there were such thing as social phobia until highschool when I did an assignment on it.
The biggest fear I have is going to dinners or parties where everyone sits down and talk. I feel so trapped there with everyone looking at me wondering why I am so quiet or wondering why I look so terrified. I total freak but I try to keep it together although I know they can tell on my face that I'm uncomfortable. I'm not so afraid of going out but more of running into someone I know. And it's even worse if they aren't alone...if they have a friend with them and you have to talk to them too.
I feel more comfortable talking to one person than with several ppl. Because I alwyas end up feeling left out. I also get very jealous that they get along so well and that they rather talk to eachother than with me, even though I know it's my own fault.
Im also afraid of going to big malls where I feel like everyone looks better than me or are having so much more fun than I am. Sometimes I get so depressed that I just want to escape...run away and be free.
I used to have good grades in highschool even though I hated being there. I hated the social situations but I'm glad I managed to gratuate. Unfortanetely I've dropping out of uni constantly because of SP. My parents are really worried they keep pushing me to finish uni which is something I also want but they dont understand that I can't do this becuase of my SP. I have a job now but i'm quitting it soon. It's just to hard when you have SP. unfortantely 99% of all work involves some sort of social situation.
So now I don't have any close friends, no bf and are still living home. Did I say that I never had a bf. Yup 21 and never been kissed Which Im not too sad about because I guess I have chosen that myself. I think I would be somewhat attractive if I didn't look so scared all the time and feeling like shit. But the main reason why I dont have a bf is that Im very scared of trusting ppl. Im scared to open up to strangers and even ppl I know. Im also very shy and I'm so scared of being judged by others.
I havent really told anyone about my SP except some few...I guess I'm ashamed.
I really want I bf though...even though I might pretend I don't. It would feel so great to be loved and cuddled. Did I say that I didnt get much love as a child. Perhaps this is where my insecurity comes from. I never recieved unconditional love, they judged me from my actions. Telling me they were embarrased of things I did or didn't do. I really feel lonely.
I wish I had someone who understood me and loved me no matter what. I think I it would help me overcome my SP. Well time will tell what the future holds in store for all of us. Good luck to you all. We sure need it :wink:
I've been having social phobia for as long as I remember. But I didn't know there were such thing as social phobia until highschool when I did an assignment on it.
The biggest fear I have is going to dinners or parties where everyone sits down and talk. I feel so trapped there with everyone looking at me wondering why I am so quiet or wondering why I look so terrified. I total freak but I try to keep it together although I know they can tell on my face that I'm uncomfortable. I'm not so afraid of going out but more of running into someone I know. And it's even worse if they aren't alone...if they have a friend with them and you have to talk to them too.
I feel more comfortable talking to one person than with several ppl. Because I alwyas end up feeling left out. I also get very jealous that they get along so well and that they rather talk to eachother than with me, even though I know it's my own fault.
Im also afraid of going to big malls where I feel like everyone looks better than me or are having so much more fun than I am. Sometimes I get so depressed that I just want to escape...run away and be free.
I used to have good grades in highschool even though I hated being there. I hated the social situations but I'm glad I managed to gratuate. Unfortanetely I've dropping out of uni constantly because of SP. My parents are really worried they keep pushing me to finish uni which is something I also want but they dont understand that I can't do this becuase of my SP. I have a job now but i'm quitting it soon. It's just to hard when you have SP. unfortantely 99% of all work involves some sort of social situation.
So now I don't have any close friends, no bf and are still living home. Did I say that I never had a bf. Yup 21 and never been kissed
Which Im not too sad about because I guess I have chosen that myself. I think I would be somewhat attractive if I didn't look so scared all the time and feeling like shit. But the main reason why I dont have a bf is that Im very scared of trusting ppl. Im scared to open up to strangers and even ppl I know. Im also very shy and I'm so scared of being judged by others. I havent really told anyone about my SP except some few...I guess I'm ashamed.
I really want I bf though...even though I might pretend I don't. It would feel so great to be loved and cuddled. Did I say that I didnt get much love as a child. Perhaps this is where my insecurity comes from. I never recieved unconditional love, they judged me from my actions. Telling me they were embarrased of things I did or didn't do. I really feel lonely.
I wish I had someone who understood me and loved me no matter what. I think I it would help me overcome my SP. Well time will tell what the future holds in store for all of us. Good luck to you all. We sure need it :wink:
