Just can't talk

[LonelyGirl]

I feel like I've hit a brick wall with this whole overcoming social anxiety thing. I'm desperate to make a friend, but it just seems impossible.

I've been putting myself in social situations to try and meet people and become friends with them. I'm at uni studying a subject I love, I'm in the university dance club, I have group music lessons outside of uni and recently I joined Facebook to see if I could make friends with old acquaintances I'd lost touch with.

I am surrounded by good, kind, like-minded people who I have a lot in common with and I still can't make friends. My problem is that I just can't talk to these people. Whenever I have the chance to speak, my mind goes blank. I say hello to them, I answer any questions they ask, but I can't make conversation. I know what to say before I see them and I know what I should have said after. If I do manage to think of something to say I usually don't say it because I think they don't want me to talk to them or I think I'll sound stupid.

Any ideas on how to get past this?

 

[freestylemonster]

I had, and still kinda have, the same problem. What I did was at night while I was trying to sleep I would tell myself over and over "Everything I have to say is interesting" because the truth is your mind isn't actually blank, you're thinking of thousands of things to say but subconsciously you're rejecting them as "stupid" or "not worth saying".

I also started CBT which helped a lot. I recommend you try it too.

Lastly I went and saw a councilor at my college who turned me to the school psychiatrist. He gave me meds to relax more and I'll be trying them for the first time tonight. I really recommend a psychiatrist. It's tough to do this all on your own and they help.

 

[Richey]

I feel like I've hit a brick wall with this whole overcoming social anxiety thing. I'm desperate to make a friend, but it just seems impossible.

I've been putting myself in social situations to try and meet people and become friends with them. I'm at uni studying a subject I love, I'm in the university dance club, I have group music lessons outside of uni and recently I joined Facebook to see if I could make friends with old acquaintances I'd lost touch with.

I am surrounded by good, kind, like-minded people who I have a lot in common with and I still can't make friends. My problem is that I just can't talk to these people. Whenever I have the chance to speak, my mind goes blank. I say hello to them, I answer any questions they ask, but I can't make conversation. I know what to say before I see them and I know what I should have said after. If I do manage to think of something to say I usually don't say it because I think they don't want me to talk to them or I think I'll sound stupid.

Any ideas on how to get past this?

same deal with me, and it makes it very easy for arrogant type personailities to have a go at me and i try my best to fire a joke back at them but its all hesitant and nervous when i respond ...

i'm finding myself coming across as simply too boring in the midst of others who have trained their minds to not feel self conscious at all and act as if nobody else are looking at them and the world is their oyster ....

whenever i try to really talk i end up clamming up or when i try someone else talks over me especially around a group of super confident social people, you have to be as sharp as a blade to get a word in with my family especially .. ...

really can empathise with what you wrote especially the feeling stupid part, im socially very slow and that can change with practice but its irritating and often humiliatingly awkward when people use sarcasm to mock me and i stand there with a serious face trying to think of a worthy enough response ...

im far too sensitive at gatherings and around confident people when i dont want to be sensitive but for some reason its how i act and react through force of habit unless i've had a happy day that goes well for me then my self esteem goes up a little ...

 

[Havocan]

The harder you try making friends and falling into conversations, the less are chances you actually will succeed. Trying to hard will only screw up your efforts, you can't "force" a friendship to emerge. It has to be taken naturally from the very beginning to the end without ignoring any steps. Try talking but more calmly and relaxed about things you feel you're comfortable with; be it your interests, your favourite food, a place you'd love traveling to and so on.

So-called "good" conversations will appear whenever you least expect it, when you're having a break and maybe talk to others in your dance class or perhaps cooperate with someone about an assignment at the university. Perhaps you suddenly discover a common interest or perception and take it from there or something similar^^.

The more time you spend around people and act in a {for you} natural way, the bigger are the chances^^.

 

[cawny]

Same here, all I do is laugh when other people laugh, most of the time I don't know what they're laughing about. I can't ever add to a conversation because my mind is always blank or bugging out about other things. I think I just constantly worry, and I can't concentrate or focus on anything else. I don't think anybody even makes sarcastic jokes towards me, because they know it'll be really awkward because I can't make any sort of comeback afterwards.

I just don't know anymore

 

[Havocan]

I don't think anybody even makes sarcastic jokes towards me, because they know it'll be really awkward because I can't make any sort of comeback afterwards.

When they actually do that and realise that the one they're teasing doesn't know how to reply back it escalates into one of the worst embarrassing situations I know of. Fortunately it happens only now and then, though.