SOrry to bother if its a long read.
Hey guys, I just wanted to vent some stuff. Its kind of late so I didn't want to bother texting anyone late at night. Sorry if it's poorly written. I just feel like letting all things go now. I cry so many times before that now I can't even shed a tear. I'm just laughing at myself at what a failure that I turn into. I guess these feelings stem from previous rejection. I always thought that I had an unfair chance to live my life.
I believe in God. I use to be a very good little guy. I sang in the choir for my church, I pray every night, I did everything right. People gave me all kind of praises. I remember a particular time when I was in first grade. Some kid made me mad that day, and I didn't want to play during recess. My teacher told me, you know you should go out there and have fun. Enjoy your childhood, because one day you would want it back but it won't Life is hard out there, its not going to be this simple once you grow up. Not everyone is going to be nice. They are out there to get you.
I didn't know what to think of that statement at that time. As I grow older, I see what she meant. Rich people making fun of the poor. Good looking people making fun of the ones that was dealt with a bad hand of cards. Innocent people dying, deceit, cheating, killings,. I sought to live my childhood years again, but like what she said you can't.
I began to drifted away from my faith. I stop praying and going to church. I wanted to ask God, why he mad me. What is the point? Why I'm I even here. Sometime I wish I wasn't even born. Its tough living a life where you know you are not wanted. All my childhood friends move or drifted away. They don't even try to reconnect. I have tried to look for them, but no luck.
Then my love life. Only been in 2 relationships. Both didn't go to well. After them, I got into 3 so call "lust" or infatuation relationship. I tried all types of preference. One was shorter then me, very outgoing, pretty smile, energetic. Ask her out, she had a boyfriend. The other one was a friend of a friend. I like her for her personality. Turn out she has all kinds of guys. The third one which is now, I like her at first because of her looks. ITs not turning out so well either. The feeling of rejection hurts. Knowing that no one wants you puts a toll on you.
Then my school life. I once was a very smart student. I aspire to be in the medical field to be like my relatives. I like helping people out. That second lust relationship really killed my hopes and my will. I fail my last semester. I decided to drop out and pursue another degree.
Now that I'm in this other degree is where the 3 lust relationship comes in. I guess this is God way of protecting me. He know that it will not work out, so he just ended all the feelings before it got to deep knowing that I have a weak mind.
Hey guys, I just wanted to vent some stuff. Its kind of late so I didn't want to bother texting anyone late at night. Sorry if it's poorly written. I just feel like letting all things go now. I cry so many times before that now I can't even shed a tear. I'm just laughing at myself at what a failure that I turn into. I guess these feelings stem from previous rejection. I always thought that I had an unfair chance to live my life.
I believe in God. I use to be a very good little guy. I sang in the choir for my church, I pray every night, I did everything right. People gave me all kind of praises. I remember a particular time when I was in first grade. Some kid made me mad that day, and I didn't want to play during recess. My teacher told me, you know you should go out there and have fun. Enjoy your childhood, because one day you would want it back but it won't Life is hard out there, its not going to be this simple once you grow up. Not everyone is going to be nice. They are out there to get you.
I didn't know what to think of that statement at that time. As I grow older, I see what she meant. Rich people making fun of the poor. Good looking people making fun of the ones that was dealt with a bad hand of cards. Innocent people dying, deceit, cheating, killings,. I sought to live my childhood years again, but like what she said you can't.
I began to drifted away from my faith. I stop praying and going to church. I wanted to ask God, why he mad me. What is the point? Why I'm I even here. Sometime I wish I wasn't even born. Its tough living a life where you know you are not wanted. All my childhood friends move or drifted away. They don't even try to reconnect. I have tried to look for them, but no luck.
Then my love life. Only been in 2 relationships. Both didn't go to well. After them, I got into 3 so call "lust" or infatuation relationship. I tried all types of preference. One was shorter then me, very outgoing, pretty smile, energetic. Ask her out, she had a boyfriend. The other one was a friend of a friend. I like her for her personality. Turn out she has all kinds of guys. The third one which is now, I like her at first because of her looks. ITs not turning out so well either. The feeling of rejection hurts. Knowing that no one wants you puts a toll on you.
Then my school life. I once was a very smart student. I aspire to be in the medical field to be like my relatives. I like helping people out. That second lust relationship really killed my hopes and my will. I fail my last semester. I decided to drop out and pursue another degree.
Now that I'm in this other degree is where the 3 lust relationship comes in. I guess this is God way of protecting me. He know that it will not work out, so he just ended all the feelings before it got to deep knowing that I have a weak mind.