Damn
Member
Hellooo everyone. I'm really glad to have found this forum, I've been relating so well to a lot of the posts. I guess I'll just spill a bit of what's on my mind.
1. I completely dwell on the past and miss the 90s like the dickens.
My childhood was great besides a little family dysfunction. I was well liked at school, talkative, the object of many crushes, then it just like ended when I was 11. Everything has sucked since then. I like to think if I was so likable back then surely I can still be now?
I look back at pics of me when I was little and wish I was still there. Wish I was still a kid. I look up my old friends on Facebook and get really depressed, thinking of all the good times I've missed, the good times they're all having now without me, thinking stuff like "that should be me, I should be hanging out with them right now, I should've been that guy's girlfriend."
I listen to old theme songs from the 90s, reminisce about holidays with my family - times with my childhood friends - all the things I used to do and love, sometimes try to play old games like I'm attempting to relive it or something.
2. I make horrible first impressions and feel like noone really knows me.
I'm so nervous and shy around practically everyone. I over analyze what I'll say, worry about saying the wrong thing and they wont like me or wont want to talk to me more. I think of really witty things to say but ..dont say them for some reason, and the moment slips away. I feel too worried about what people will think of me to be myself.. Sometimes I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I feel like I just shrink nervously, and the other person eventually saunters away because it's like a deadend with me. I can think of all these things about me (like I'm very intelligent, witty, kind, etc) but no one sees it because I'm too much of an ass just to relax and be myself.
3. I've actively avoided my friends since I dropped out of school 2 years ago.
A lot of them used to invite me out but I'd ignore their messages or find an excuse not to go.. They've pretty much stopped calling now, and I feel so distant from them.. Right now I consider myself to have no friends.
4. Talking on the phone makes me nervous. I get all psyched out thinking about what I'll say, how my voice will sound, stumbling over my words, or NOT being able to think of anything to say!
5. When I'm out and see someone I used to know I panic and try to get out of there as soon as possible. It's the most terrifying feeling ever at times, when I'm feeling particularly self conscious and not wanting to be seen.
6. Speaking of not wanting to be seen, sometimes I dont leave the house for days. Loser, I know.
7. I haven't had a job yet, even though I'd really love some spending money of my own. Firstly, I'm terrified of bumping into people I know. Secondly, I'm very self conscious and have this intense fear of being judged.
8. I wont let people take my picture.
9. Im not sure about anything anymore. I don't know what career to pursue, don't know what I want to do with my life or any aspect of my life, seriously lack motivation.. Life just seems difficult, all the time. And when it doesn't seem difficult, it only lasts for like a day or less.
Siigh.. I had everything going for me, and I screwed it up.. I wish I could go back and do it all over again. I feel like now it's too late. Does anyone else ever feel like that?
1. I completely dwell on the past and miss the 90s like the dickens.
My childhood was great besides a little family dysfunction. I was well liked at school, talkative, the object of many crushes, then it just like ended when I was 11. Everything has sucked since then. I like to think if I was so likable back then surely I can still be now?
I look back at pics of me when I was little and wish I was still there. Wish I was still a kid. I look up my old friends on Facebook and get really depressed, thinking of all the good times I've missed, the good times they're all having now without me, thinking stuff like "that should be me, I should be hanging out with them right now, I should've been that guy's girlfriend."
I listen to old theme songs from the 90s, reminisce about holidays with my family - times with my childhood friends - all the things I used to do and love, sometimes try to play old games like I'm attempting to relive it or something.
2. I make horrible first impressions and feel like noone really knows me.
I'm so nervous and shy around practically everyone. I over analyze what I'll say, worry about saying the wrong thing and they wont like me or wont want to talk to me more. I think of really witty things to say but ..dont say them for some reason, and the moment slips away. I feel too worried about what people will think of me to be myself.. Sometimes I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I feel like I just shrink nervously, and the other person eventually saunters away because it's like a deadend with me. I can think of all these things about me (like I'm very intelligent, witty, kind, etc) but no one sees it because I'm too much of an ass just to relax and be myself.
3. I've actively avoided my friends since I dropped out of school 2 years ago.
A lot of them used to invite me out but I'd ignore their messages or find an excuse not to go.. They've pretty much stopped calling now, and I feel so distant from them.. Right now I consider myself to have no friends.
4. Talking on the phone makes me nervous. I get all psyched out thinking about what I'll say, how my voice will sound, stumbling over my words, or NOT being able to think of anything to say!
5. When I'm out and see someone I used to know I panic and try to get out of there as soon as possible. It's the most terrifying feeling ever at times, when I'm feeling particularly self conscious and not wanting to be seen.
6. Speaking of not wanting to be seen, sometimes I dont leave the house for days. Loser, I know.
7. I haven't had a job yet, even though I'd really love some spending money of my own. Firstly, I'm terrified of bumping into people I know. Secondly, I'm very self conscious and have this intense fear of being judged.
8. I wont let people take my picture.
9. Im not sure about anything anymore. I don't know what career to pursue, don't know what I want to do with my life or any aspect of my life, seriously lack motivation.. Life just seems difficult, all the time. And when it doesn't seem difficult, it only lasts for like a day or less.
Siigh.. I had everything going for me, and I screwed it up.. I wish I could go back and do it all over again. I feel like now it's too late. Does anyone else ever feel like that?
