I am online, but I am at work right now
I shouldn't even be on the board
(it's 2PM here in the eastern US-- I guess it's the middle of the night in Singapore?)
I don't have MSN or ICQ at home either, but I do have Yahoo IM and regular email...
Send email to esactun @ hotmail. com (type it in, I spaced it out to prevent auto-spambots from getting it
) and we can chat there or I'll give you my Yahoo ID...
Those thoughts are so damn hard to get rid of, aren't they?? But remember that you are worthy and have value and insight and already helped me out on a thread or two
So hang in there!!!!!!!! I was totally at the bottom of the abyss a few days ago and today I feel much better--and nothing has really changed, nor have I taken any positive steps... When you're depressed with SA I guess suicidal thoughts are like arthritis-- it hurts, then it goes away for no apparent reason, until it comes back. For me at least...
Brush them off as well as you can. Try to remember that it's your mind playing tricks on you, playing with your judgment and perceptions---you don't actually *want* to kill yourself, I suspect---but it sure SEEMS that way to you NOW.
That's the boat I was in last week. It's scary to me how distorted my thoughts can get while they still seem normal and rational and true to me at the time it happens. Delusions are powerful things.
I WOULD log in as a member (I signed up!) but the system always tells me my info is invalid.