I've lost all hope I think

[PheonixBomb]

I've been thinking about it recently. I don't know if it's because I don't have patience, but I never seem to get good at anything. I'm 23 year old male who still lives with his parents. My social skills suck, but that doesn't seem to matter because I isolate all the ****ing time anyway. I'm guilty of beating myself up mentally, especially when I see an attractive girl (both in personality and looks mind you). That is the definition of a double edged sword for me. Usually its mentally remarking how awesome she is, followed by my brain telling me to stop being an idiot, "it would never happen you stupid ****". Oh yeah, throw in comparing myself to her partner for good measure. (who is automatically better than me at everything)
It's not a surprise then that I have taken to just ignoring everyone and everything, and just isolating. The thoughts of suicide used to be less frequent, but now they just sort of seem to make sense. I don't have anything to offer to this world, and being the (extremely) shy quiet guy (which is a detriment to itself, as my self esteem is shit) is not exactly anything bloody special.
I go on Facebook and feel like shit, guaranteed. I never post anything really, ever. It reflects my real life too, there's nothing special, I don't stand out. Seeing other people married at my age, damn...
Any of you ever post something, and you get maybe 3 likes if your lucky, and your friend gets like 80? I am the 3 likes guy. It's not the likes, it's feeling ****ing invisible.
I have these dreams, these fantasies, but they all seem like bullshit at the end of the day. I want people I can trust more than anything. I don't give two ****s about money. Loyalty is far more important to me. Maybe I'm delusional, I don't know. It seems money rules everything nowadays, and people will do almost anything to get it.
Hell, maybe I'm just bitter. Part of me wants to be an ******* at times, because they seem to have everything going for them. How about the guys on Wall Street huh? I could never be like them, more money than they know to ****ing do with.
I wouldn't be lying if I said I feel like picking fights randomly with people, knowing that I've never been in a fight, knowing I'd probably get my *** kicked. Why? I don't know.

 

[DepravedFurball]

I'm jealous of your three facecrap likes on any post you make. I get, maybe, one.

Patience, so they say, is a virtue... but I've never claimed to be virtuous. I get frustrated frequently, though it never progresses to outright anger. I think that's because I've slid into the mindset of a nihilist, and have adopted a view that absolutely nothing in this existence matters. Sure, there are plenty of things to distract you from the outright futility of it all... but finding something to dedicate my energies to always eludes me.

And taking out your frustrations on others would be a poor choice. Not only would it get you tossed into jail, where, I might make a profound point that you would become the beautiful woman, it's just wrong to visit pain and suffering onto others, especially since you know what it feels like already.

But you really should go to see a head-shrink at least a few times, if not just to sort out a few of your most-pressing issues.