its so damn hard

[Gustopher]

i cant see myself being able to become different or "normal"
this is my way of thinking, iv always done it and i have a feeling i always will.
im not being negative, but i cant see therapy fixing the way i react in certain situations. not being able to walk into rooms with people seated, not being able to cross the street, not being able to look up while i walk down busy streets.
not being able to eat in public, fearing for my health 24/7. a pain in my arm, oh its a blood clot im going to die. heart pain, great my hearts going to explode.
eye twitch, im going blind. 1 minute late for class? ill skip. not to be dramatic, but iv never even met somebody who has the same issues as me face to face, i cant even explain anything to family members cause nobody has experienced it. "ooooh man.. you just gotta think positive" thanks captain obvious.

 

[Canis lupus]

I used to be the same way and sometimes I still think I'm hopeless but now, after 2 years of really working on myself, I'm starting to see there might be still a chance. Have you tried therapy already? I didn't talk to anyone about my problems because how could they possible understand. But then I had a complete breakdown and went to see a psychologist. Even then, the first year or so I didn't believe I could ever change and be happy. But many baby steps later I see lot's of improvement. Don't give up that easily. And thinking positive has nothing to do with it, you have to work for your goal by constantly forcing yourself to do all those things that scares you. Start with the small ones, the ones that frightens you the least and work your way up. I know it's really hard, I'm also still fighting every day but I feel a lot better now than a few years ago and I was practically in the same place as you are now. Just keep trying.