It's looking grey and gloomy this morning...

[karinatwork]

Well, yesterday evening my nightmare has returned. I don't know how I am going to face the guy this evening if he should show up again in front of my house. It was supposed to rain today, but now the sun is coming out and with the sun, HE is going to be back. I am running out of options, energy, and Xanax.

Sometimes I think it would be so much nicer just to fall asleep and never wake up again. But then I think about my son and how much he would miss me, and I could never leave him. But for me that means I have to stick around, and I just can't face it any longer. I can't.

 

[karinatwork]

It's kinda sad to be glad about the fact that I'm not the only one. I don't wish that on anyone, but to know that you guys feel somewhat like me makes me feel better. He's only three, he needs his mommy, and I'm going to be there for him. I just wish I wasn't so sad all the time, I'm kinda a drag for a mom. :roll:

 

[karinatwork]

Thanks Grumblina! But I'm not in any kind of danger... at least not from the outside. I am destroying my life all by myself. I wrote about my troubles last night, you can read about it here http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt2732.html.
I'm ashamed and unhappy about having such a "non-existing" problem, but it is there and for me it is very real, and it is definitively destroying my life. I'm sorry I'm such a wuss, a whiner and a pain in-the-so-called, especially for my husband, who doesn't understand what's going on. But he's not even here right now, it's just my little boy and me, and I have to face this all by myself, now even more than before...

 

[karinatwork]

Thanks for your suggestions. Well, I wish I would be able to flee my house, but I would have to run away every night. I have a little boy to take care of, too. Plus Sam is not really doing anything bad right now - I'm just AFRAID that he might do something. I think his dad is divorced and his mom is living somewhere close by, but I'm not sure.
I'm in a bad position. I know that my anxiety is unreal, and that I should not feel that way, but I can't help it, I'm freaking out about it. And even if he should start giving me real trouble, there is NO WAY I can confront him again. I am too scared. I don't want to confront anyone anymore, because I wouldn't know what to do if I don't get the results I am hoping for. All I want is to move away from there, far away.
I hope I'll survive this evening. I am going to be in trouble from 3 PM to 10 PM, and then I will be able to relax again. Tomorrow afternoon at 3 PM I'll see the psychologist for the first time. I am hoping and praying he has some solutions. But I don't want to get my hopes up.

Thanks for listening.