nikki_marie
Active member
I finally feel at peace with the world around me.
Although i never had social phobia, i come here because my depression made me suffer greatly socially, and this is what the site is all about.
It effected me because for a long time i never felt good enough, funny enough, cool enough or any enough for anyone or anything. I felt that everyone hated me and i was incapable of close relationships, so in that sense, you and i have alot in common.
Things hit rock bottom for me about 2 months ago. my depression was very bad and everything was falling apart around me, i didnt know who i was and i didint feel on a level with anyone, although i pretended greatly through it, i am a stubborn person, although i feel inferior ill be damned before i let others know it.
Then while things were at there worst, i suddenly felt like me again. i think the saying you have to hit rock bottom before you can come up is VERY true. I suppose alot of you are thinking how could i possibly feel more crap than i do now. well you have to put yourself out there and become totally vunerable to all the nasty things, experience them head on (i had panic attacks for the first time ever during this), break down and want to give up, and its when i thought 'no! i will not give up, this is my F-ing life!', this is when i took my confidence back, because i realised how in control of my life and emotions i truly was.
now rather than walking down the street thinking 'ooo he looked at me funny' i think ' i couldnt give a toss if i had a turd on my head, im having a good time!'.
I understand completely that the habbit of feeling horriable for so many years is very tough to break, and easy to slip back into once you do, you cannot give your old habbits even 5 minutes, you need to think in your new way. My advice for keeping up new habbits is to think of yourself in your old age, how do you want to remember your life? it scared me so much because right now? remembering the last 5 years would be; sleeping, getting to drunk at weekends and typing all my insecurities in google to read about other peoples to see if im 'normal'. i want to remember times i laughed, things ive seen and places i went, and i cant do that inless i get out of my head and life my life externally, which i think some of you can relate on that one. also dont start new habbits in the morning, start them now, this very second.
remember you are human and you will feel anxious in some scenarios. for me, i was in a group interview where i has to hard sell my partner to why he should be employed. i have no experience in selling, i felt like crap and i didnt want to do it. i looked at the guy next to me after he had done his, and he was trembling! on the surface he was confident though. i realised, hey...its normal to be anxious.
anyways, i wanted to let this out, and to maybe help someone else too.
thanks for reading.
Although i never had social phobia, i come here because my depression made me suffer greatly socially, and this is what the site is all about.
It effected me because for a long time i never felt good enough, funny enough, cool enough or any enough for anyone or anything. I felt that everyone hated me and i was incapable of close relationships, so in that sense, you and i have alot in common.
Things hit rock bottom for me about 2 months ago. my depression was very bad and everything was falling apart around me, i didnt know who i was and i didint feel on a level with anyone, although i pretended greatly through it, i am a stubborn person, although i feel inferior ill be damned before i let others know it.
Then while things were at there worst, i suddenly felt like me again. i think the saying you have to hit rock bottom before you can come up is VERY true. I suppose alot of you are thinking how could i possibly feel more crap than i do now. well you have to put yourself out there and become totally vunerable to all the nasty things, experience them head on (i had panic attacks for the first time ever during this), break down and want to give up, and its when i thought 'no! i will not give up, this is my F-ing life!', this is when i took my confidence back, because i realised how in control of my life and emotions i truly was.
now rather than walking down the street thinking 'ooo he looked at me funny' i think ' i couldnt give a toss if i had a turd on my head, im having a good time!'.
I understand completely that the habbit of feeling horriable for so many years is very tough to break, and easy to slip back into once you do, you cannot give your old habbits even 5 minutes, you need to think in your new way. My advice for keeping up new habbits is to think of yourself in your old age, how do you want to remember your life? it scared me so much because right now? remembering the last 5 years would be; sleeping, getting to drunk at weekends and typing all my insecurities in google to read about other peoples to see if im 'normal'. i want to remember times i laughed, things ive seen and places i went, and i cant do that inless i get out of my head and life my life externally, which i think some of you can relate on that one. also dont start new habbits in the morning, start them now, this very second.
remember you are human and you will feel anxious in some scenarios. for me, i was in a group interview where i has to hard sell my partner to why he should be employed. i have no experience in selling, i felt like crap and i didnt want to do it. i looked at the guy next to me after he had done his, and he was trembling! on the surface he was confident though. i realised, hey...its normal to be anxious.
anyways, i wanted to let this out, and to maybe help someone else too.
thanks for reading.
