it eats away your best years, then spits you out like glub

[12BhaP]

It has been and still is a long, winding road, having too suffer with SA for the major part of my life. I am 25 yrs and feel numb to life, I can't remember when last I experienced happiness. I've always seen others happy and could only hope to taste of that emotion while I'm still young. Friends, what exactly is that, I've never known friendship, real friendship, not pals, not boyfriend, nothing, just home with parents and sibling, that, my friends, has been my whole world for my 25 yrs on this planet. I do not know what is true freedom, since I've always been tied up in myself, constantly analyzing, scrutinizing and trying to find answers with no results. Boy, SA reeaaallly sucks. My worst fear is too have everything materially that this world can offer but no one to share them with, I have actually put my dreams on hold because of it, I feel that even though I accomplish all that I want , I wouldn't feel any different because I have no friends, nobody to enjoy them with. Sitting at home on a weekend forever surfing the television and the internet has become my official activities for the weekend while everyone else is out living it up. I have no high school memories to share with anyone because I had no friends in high school, I only had two 'friends' in high school, but when we had to go to different classes neither of them looked back for me, they just moved on with their new friends and I was all alone nursing my deep, painful hurt which neither would ever know I felt. SA is continuing to ruin every part of my life, I have absolutely no social life, which makes me feel isolated from everyone, because they always have experiences to share and I never have any. My life sucks bigtime and I feel as though I fell into a hole which I cannot get out of, such is the depth of my condition. Anyone out there listening, I would love too hear if you feel this way too and what can I do about it?

 

[Orlando]

Hi, 12BHpy!


I understand the way you are feeling. My high school years and college years were a bust. I had a few friends and it was very lonely.

Are you seeing a therapist? If you aren't, consider it. For me, I needed it for those years because I had no one to talk to. My family did understand me. I didn't understand why I felt so different from other people also.
Well, Welcome to the Forum. Good Luck!

 

[MarCPatt]

I too do understand and have the same problem.

I worry too much of what others think of me and even thought you and others can not see me, I worry about what you will think of me. My life is getting better, but I have to continue working about overcoming this stupid SP. Well, I have just been taking one day at a time. I visit this site a lot, but for some reason I just have not been able to ask anything or answer anything the last two months. I must be spending a little too much time at neopets. It is kind of childish, but I guess it gives me a chance to be a kid once again and just have some fun playing goofy games. Heh!

 

[Penelope48]

I can relate to what you posted here 12BhaP. I'm also 25 years old and held back from all the things I want to be doing because of really bad social anxiety/phobia. I've gotten help in counseling before and it did help to talk to someone about my problems for an hour every month or twice a month. But when you get back home you have to be on your own again and it's really difficult. :? So I was also on medication since I was 16 and that helped quite a bit. Have you ever tried going on medication? I myself am trying to find a new medication to get on, i mean when I see my doctor. -E

 

[12BhaP]

Hello everyone,
Thanx for your responses. Penelope 48, no I've never tried medication. Don't mean to put it down or anything, but I never saw medication as attacking and eradicating the real problem, to me it just masks it for a moment and then you're back to normal, that's why you have to keep taking it, what will happen the day you stop. This problem that we have is one invloving the brain that no medication can correct, the only thing that can correct it, is ourselves, and I think that is what makes it so hard and scary. But thanks for your suggestion, hope to hear from you all soon.

 

[barroter]

Yes, I understand that totally. SP will rob you of some of life's better experiences and lessons. It's hard NOT to look back on your life and wonder "what if?" I've done that time and again concerning SP.
That's the reality of this maladay.
That being said, there is ANOTHER reality too. That reality is the rest of your life. I know you cannot go back and recapture the youth you had and relive it w/o SP but you can make the rest of your life more tolerable and freer by fighting this thing.
Life is grossly unfair. You are born into this world with a certain hand of cards and off you go. But, if you are aware and have some courage, you can take back what was denied you.
Don't quit!