12BhaP
Member
It has been and still is a long, winding road, having too suffer with SA for the major part of my life. I am 25 yrs and feel numb to life, I can't remember when last I experienced happiness. I've always seen others happy and could only hope to taste of that emotion while I'm still young. Friends, what exactly is that, I've never known friendship, real friendship, not pals, not boyfriend, nothing, just home with parents and sibling, that, my friends, has been my whole world for my 25 yrs on this planet. I do not know what is true freedom, since I've always been tied up in myself, constantly analyzing, scrutinizing and trying to find answers with no results. Boy, SA reeaaallly sucks. My worst fear is too have everything materially that this world can offer but no one to share them with, I have actually put my dreams on hold because of it, I feel that even though I accomplish all that I want , I wouldn't feel any different because I have no friends, nobody to enjoy them with. Sitting at home on a weekend forever surfing the television and the internet has become my official activities for the weekend while everyone else is out living it up. I have no high school memories to share with anyone because I had no friends in high school, I only had two 'friends' in high school, but when we had to go to different classes neither of them looked back for me, they just moved on with their new friends and I was all alone nursing my deep, painful hurt which neither would ever know I felt. SA is continuing to ruin every part of my life, I have absolutely no social life, which makes me feel isolated from everyone, because they always have experiences to share and I never have any. My life sucks bigtime and I feel as though I fell into a hole which I cannot get out of, such is the depth of my condition. Anyone out there listening, I would love too hear if you feel this way too and what can I do about it?