Is this shyness or social phobia?

[blink12]

Hey, I just wanted to know if what Im feeling is social phobia or shyness. Im in grade 11 at high school, now, I do have a fair bit of friends (although a lot of them I've previously known at different schools, I haven't made a lot of NEW friends in high school).
Ok, so here's where a bit of confusion on the 2 come in: Each time I get called in class to say something or present, or whenever Im under pressure to say something, I usually: have troubles speaking, sometimes I even stutter a bit, I start sweating a lot, and my heart starts beating very rapidly, I feel like you do when adrenaline starts kicking in. BUT, I DONT have troubles talking to people who I dont see every day (like people who go to my school, I see every day) such as people who work at stores, library assistants, help desks at malls etc. I think it's mainly because when Im around these people, I usually have something SET to say (where can I find this item?, do you have this book?, where can I find this store? etc).
But whenever it's just something like small talk I can't really relate well to other people and it's very hard to speak my mind.
And also, often if I know that I'll have to speak a lot in class (say, do a presentation ALONE - I feel better presenting with other people), I'll have second-thoughts about actually going to that class, so sometimes I skip classes on purpose if I know I'll have to do a lot of socializing.

Is this shyness or is it a form of social phobia? (Note that Im not as bad as some people, such as the people that can't even go into a public place such as a store and ask for help, I can do these things fine just like a normal person). Thanks

 

[Scrabbl]

That doesn't sound like phobia to me. So relax you're fine.

Maybe you're just not confident with the material you're studying in the course. And you're afraid to answer the teacher's questions 'cause other people will think you're stupid if you get it wrong. Or you might have had bad experiences with teachers. For example, you may have had teachers that picked on you in front of the class.. etc.. and that's normal

 

[logitechdog]

doesnt sound like sp - maybe another type or medical name for it - if you got a canceler at school or a nurse maybe u should go and see them and tell them about your symtoms better to get treated at the lower end of any or ifs about it...

 

[thereishope]

sorry scrabbl, have to disagree with you on that one.

blink12, i definately think you have some form of social phobia. my situation is somewhat similar, because i only seem to be confident speaking to others when i have set questions or i know exactly word for word what i have to say. however i don't tend to get very nervous when i'm doing a speech, because all i have to do is read off the cards word for word. so i'm very similar to you in that i HATE impromtu questions (year 12 english was torture for me), and i'm very shy around people i know mainly because i don't know a thing about small talk. and yes, i also find it easy talking to strangers. although i wasn't as shy up till about year 11, i think it was after those last two years of high school that i developed social phobia, because my confidence when talking to people plummetted.

also, are you saying that you are shy around your friends aswell?

even though i have not been diagnosed with sp yet, i definately feel i am suffering from it, and it sounds like you have something similar.
and with the talking in front of the class thing, fear of public speaking is a common sign of sp or social anxiety.

 

[shy_miss_fly]

The way I could tell the difference bewteen social phobia and shyness for me was that

Shyness is where you feel unconfortable or anxious around new people who you dont know very well, but after a while you relax get comfortable and you're able to be yourself. Where as Social Phobia, you NEVER become comfortable or able to relax around people, your ALWAYS nervous and anxious and constantly expereince symptoms.

This is just how I could tell the difference with myself, I dont know if its the same for everyone.

 

[blink12]

ok well with some of my friends Iam still shy (and these are friends who I've known for a few years), but some of them I can just really open up with (most of these friends are newer as in I just made them this year or last year). When Im around my friends I DONT experience the symptoms that I've listed (rapid heart beat, stutter, sweating, etc), its only when Im under pressure that I do these things.
Around the first set of friends I mentioned I usually don't say much, it's hard to relate to them, I don't feel like I can speak my mind and whenever I do talk sometimes I'll feel like Im being judged.

 

[testobot]

Hmmm.. I don't know for sure. Generally, it's a matter of severity of symptoms and generally shyness isn't a life challenging experience. I think you would be best researching journals and SA websites. There is a general form of SA where you are afraid of just about everyone except your family members or maybe only a very few- such as a person who might be fortunate to have one life long friend. For example a person who has a severve form of SA called selective mutism may only speak to a parent, etc.

I personally think you may be shy, but then again I really don't know- you may have a form of SA that has to do only with certain performance situations... i.e- making small talk, speeches, etc... I would also speak with a counselor or psychologist if I were you.

Worst case scenerio is that you could have aspergers, but that is rare and I wouldn't worry too much about that.

 

[thereishope]

scrabbl and logitechdog, social phobia isn't always a generalised condition (like being shy around most people). sp can also be specific, in which a person becomes anxious in a particular situation (in blink12's case they get anxious about being judged when talking in front of others).
also the fact that blink12 is skipping classes to avoid socialising, this avoidance behaviour is a major symptom of social phobia.

 

[testobot]

scrabbl and logitechdog, social phobia isn't always a generalised condition (like being shy around most people). sp can also be specific, in which a person becomes anxious in a particular situation (in blink12's case they get anxious about being judged when talking in front of others).
also the fact that blink12 is skipping classes to avoid socialising, this avoidance behaviour is a major symptom of social phobia.

umm yeah, that's basically what I said.. hehe :lol:

 

[blink12]

aww I don't skip a lot... You make it sound so bad lol. I might have second-thoughts about whether I should go to that class, but in the end I usually go anyways. And honestly, I really don't feel comfortable talking to a counsellor about this, at least not now, because if I did it would mean that my parents and other people would know, but right now they dont even know about social phobia or any other anxiety disorders for that matter. It would be sort of embarassing.

 

[thereishope]

hey blink12 sorry if i'm making it sound really bad, i don't mean to. it's just that your fear of talking in class really rings true to me. with me, i'd always had low confidence about english class (maybe got to do with the fact i failed in year 7), so when english started getting really important in year 11 and 12, my anxiety about it increased enormously to the point that i'd go into each class nervous and whenever the teacher would ask me something i couldn't talk. i think it was over those few years that it manifested into a more serious form of sp.

sorry if i sound really negative, and you probably aren't as serious as me. but if your instinct tells you that you have a problem, then you probably do. also, don't be afraid to reach out to a counsellor, and your parents don't have to know.

 

[blink12]

well ok, my parents may not "need to know", but eventually the school counsellor would tell them lol. I dont really want that... What Im thinking of doing is waiting till Im 18 so I can talk to someone without parents having to be involved...

 

[thereishope]

yeah i can see where you're coming from, plus school counsellors are pretty lousy anyway (the one i saw was a total idiot who basically told me that i seemed like a confident girl and that was it!), so yeah probably best to wait till you can get some confidential, good advice.
best of luck with it all :wink:

 

[Ayla]

You know, when I was in highschool, it started out that way for me.

Whether or not you consider what you have social phobia really depends on how much it is affecting your life. Only you know how bad it is for you.

I'm sure treating your feelings like mild social anxiety, and learning how to cope with them can only do you good. If you don't deal with how you feel (like I didn't, when I was your age), it could just get worse and worse, until you will be definitely sure that you have it!

 

[Ayla]

Worst case scenerio is that you could have aspergers, but that is rare and I wouldn't worry too much about that.

ummm, I don't mean to be a jerk, but that's not aspergers...which is a form of mild autism, and has nothing to do with this.

 

[logitechdog]

i agree you should not leave it if it develops into a worse case - i left it and i know what happen i slowly stop going out, stayed in my room 24/7, quit course's, anyway im still the same i left it 8 years and now im just screwed and got so many different phobias now.. You will be suprized at how well your parents will take it, anyway you can have the person helping you not discuse it with your parents till your ready. But if it is sb or another form of phobia you should get help

The Bigest Step is Asking for the Help. But in the End you will have to take it, might seem like alot now but leaving it you will look back and beat yourself down on not asking for help then.

 

[testobot]

Worst case scenerio is that you could have aspergers, but that is rare and I wouldn't worry too much about that.

ummm, I don't mean to be a jerk, but that's not aspergers...which is a form of mild autism, and has nothing to do with this.

lol.. it's ok, you are not a jerk.. like I said.. it probably doesn't have anything to do with it.. it's just alot of people with aspergers have a difficult time making small talk.. and alot of time SA accompanies people with aspergers, really it's true I know a few of them... pah! I have difficulty doing small talk but that is due to anxiety of course not aspergers.. soooo... like I said most likey he doesn't have that... just mentioning a slight possibility.. anywho...

but still I think that it is silly of people to assume that they know for sure what he has.

 

[Ayla]

but still I think that it is silly of people to assume that they know for sure what he has.

fair enough. You're right. As much as someone's problems might sound like your own...you never know. Better to seek professional advice on diagnosis.

 

[FruitLooPs]

Whether or not you consider what you have social phobia really depends on how much it is affecting your life. Only you know how bad it is for you.

Exactly, thats pretty much the defining point that the psychologist i saw made. She said that the main difference is whether it has a large effect on your everyday life, or causes you big issues. I went to her because i felt like i was going nowhere in a certain aspect of my life and it was causing me considerable distress. She diagnosed me with SA but we both agreed it was pretty mild in the wider scope of things.

Shyness is anxiety, SA/SP is anxiety - just on a higher level.