is this good or bad?

#1
I have this kinda weird thing happening lately, and I'm not sure is that a progress or not. Maybe some of you might answer me, I'll try to explain the best i can. It's like this: when socializing with people i can totaly overcome fear, but negative thoughts still remain, like: what should i say now, how do i apear,... and even when there is no actual fear, still my head seems heavy with thoughts. It's like i'm not afraid of people anymore and i feel pretty much relaxed, but still I'm not fully with them but within my own self. I'm not sure if this makes any sence as, like i said, I dont feel scared or anything, just overweight with thoughts. Maybe it is still my coping with fear or something, as i still feel very much anxiouss in some situations, so its like im expetcting it can happen anytime again.

This would be preety much hard explaining in my own language, so I can only hope you got the idea.
 

Orlando

Well-known member
#2
First, let me say that your English is very good! I understand everything that you have said.

Second, it sound like you're making amazing progress. Some people are not aware of the negative thoughts and just get frightened. They will sweat and blush and rush to leave the social situation without knowing what they were internally saying to themselves. I used to run away without being aware. It is interesting to know that when I became aware of my negative thought. I was overwhelmed by the heavy volume of painful and shameful thoughts I had about myself. It was painful but I would rather be aware of something and change it than let it be and feel miserable for the rest of my life.

You go, girl! :D :D :D :D :wink: :D
Good for you!
 

Orlando

Well-known member
#3
Oh, I forgot to say.
It will get easier to dispute those negative thoughts with practice. As you improve with practice, the negative thoughts will be easier to ignore. I have not mastered it yet but I know I feel more comfortable with strangers now. :D
 

Jess333

Well-known member
#4
Okay..i just wrote this humongous post..and I pressed submit and it said invalid session. I will try to write it again after breakfast..

SNIF!

Jessica
 

Jess333

Well-known member
#6
Okay, I just ate lunch. ehehe. Now I can try to write what I wrote before.

First Aleksandra, think to yourself this one thing: "My English is GOOD!" ehehehe, your english is awesome Alek. Serious, you're able to express yourself very well.

Okay, when you're in social situations and those thoughts start creeping in and you have to stomp them out..and practive active listening. Becuase if you're having a conversation with someone and those thoughts start to consume your mental status...you will get nervous and maybe dizzy, and you won't be able to concentrate.

When these thoughts creep in ..counter them..start talking OVER THEM mentally. saying I CAN DO THIS..they're not feeling nervous and this seems easy to them, so if they can do this I CAN do this"! then the mood lifts a little, and all the sudden what they're saying starts to get more interesting..and i start listening more (rather than listening to my neg. thoughts) and i start contributing to the conversation, and feeling better..then they start laughing and that makes me feel even better, then bam, the nervousness is gone..I'm able to relax and carry on the conversation and enjoy it! instead of letting the neg. thoughts take over and consume me to a point where i just want to RUN.

but yes Alek, the same thing happens to me, but now that I'm getting more practice, it's getting better. I'm going through this very same thing you are. But keep going! we're making it. and if you have a panic attack DON"T GIVE UP...don't beat yourself up mentally. Just brush your knees off and keep trying. okay? start back at the beginning and try again. It's like learning like a child does. They don't hate themselves, if they fall off their bike, then think, hm..how can i do this? ok, i'll get back on and try again.

If it gets to a point where your thoughts start to consume you...politely break away from the conversation and go find someplace..a bathroom stall? (speaking from experience). calm yourself...and start from scratch again. And start the game/challenge again.

at my job, this one day this girl rolled her eyes to another girl because she saw that I was nervous. I was having a panic attack and then I had to go to the bathroom, and in the stall i was thinking to myself that i was going to walk out of there. I had JUST gotten that job. My negative thoughts were engulfing me and i was letting them. and my irrational thinking was telling me to quit and walk out and leave my things at my desk. but I decided against that. I WASN"T going to quit! I wasn't going to be beaten. I went back up there with shaky knees and toughed it out.

Now? that girl goes out of her way to sit next to me at work. I work for Nextel (it's a good school job) and turn people's phones on and we don't have assigned seats. and she also values my opinions and asks me to lunch with her. And this girl is a THEATRE arts major. She can get up in front of crowds of people and feels comfortable and actually enjoys it.

Okay, i tried to say what I wrote before, and somehow i'm thinking here that this isn't as clear as what i wrote before, but maybe you can read through what i wrote.

Jessica
 
#7
Thank you guys, I was a bit confused about that, but I feel much reasured now. I’ll try to keep up the good work.
Orl, it was quite difficult and rather long process catching those thoughts as my fear sometimes came so fast, like its totally out of my control and it was so hard relating it to any thought. I know now that it was the beginning of my SA, thinking whats happening with me, letting the panic get over me, believing I cant do anything about it ,,, so catching those thoughts must be the first step to full recovery.
…aren’t I optimistic? - I’m giving my best anyway.
And thanks Jess, i can sertanly relate to all what you are saying. And as I said before I really believe you’re on the right way, you’re courageous enough to confront this silly, stupid, miserable fear (we should try not to give IT much credit as IT feeds itself when we take it too serious :D ) and not let it control your life. Further more, I know people who don’t suffer from SA or low self asteem, yet are also very anxious about new job and seeing someone rolling their eyes on them would disturb almost anybody. I think you really did great. Keep going, as now you can see appreciacion and respect from your colleagues which is a REALLY good feedback for further building your self asteem. You also made me laugh in such a positive way cause i use to use “the bathroom stall” trick really often – quite a trick, only I figured at one point I have to return back from there, so its only driving more attention as I’ve got all eyes on me, like “oh, here she is!”. Besides I decided I wasn’t going to run ever again and I think I’m over with those awfull panic attacks (although this is maybe too enthusiastic still :roll: ). I’m thinking if I got better, it means it can never be that bad again as I’ve manage to cope already and I’m really trying not to let negative thoughts take the best of me. That’s all there is to it – negative thoughts are causing SA and if they have such an impact, than positive thoughts can have much of an impact too. That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it??

Oh, and … My English is GOOD. ;-)
 

Flax

Active member
#8
Alexsandra, yeah I go to work everyday and sell things (notice how I say "things" to prevent anyone I know from ever reading this and knowing it's me) sales is very bad for social anxiety, but I like you can talk to people and not freak out, but still have thoughts. I still think they are analyzing my movements and my speech. Sometimes a few wise-ass customers have commented on my sales techniques and it's caused me slight paranoia about using it again with other customers because I'm afraid they might find it out too. I am not very confident so sometimes I will say "I think" or "It might be" or "It's not bad" and I have had someone tell me "I don't want something that's not bad, I want something good." Once I had a customer say, "Did you just start working here." I got angry and without allowing a pause after her question I said "I've been working here for two years." She said that because of my habit of saying "I think" and I was stuttering over some of the words while I was talking. It's funny because after she made me angry my voice became extremely clear and I arrogantly (arrogant to me, but confident to others) proceeded with my reccommendations and made the sale. I feel like if I'm confident I will be viewed as arrogant so I speak to people like I'm inferior until they do something to actually make me seem inferior then I strike back by making them see that I'm not dumb.
Wow, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore, I don't even know if this is relevant to the topic. I always go off selfishly talking about myself after I say a brief reply to the topic. heh.
 

neddy

Well-known member
#9
I also have a problem with negative thinking and am constantly putting myself down, like they don't want to talk to me because I'm stupid, they think I'm dumb you name it I've thought it. Someone once told me the best way to control negative thinking is to think about gardening. You wouldn't let weeds grow out of control in the garden the same applies to negative thoughts, The hardest part is actually realising that you are doing it, when you do, you pull yourself up and try to turn it around to something postive, the more practice you have the easier it gets.

This is an article that someone gave me. Its called DON'T CULTIVATE WEEDS.
Thoughts in the mind are like plants in the ground, they grow if you leave them there, and they cause your mind to grow in the same direction. To keep expressing them is to cultivate them - like when you water plants and pack fertilizer around them. You then ask yourself if you are cultivating alot of weeds. You cannot decide which thoughts will get into your mind but it is mainly up to us which ones we leave there and which ones we cultivate.
I actually found that very helpful, as quite often what we think and feel is completly different to the way you come across.
 
#10
Flax said:
I feel like if I'm confident I will be viewed as arrogant so I speak to people like I'm inferior until they do something to actually make me seem inferior then I strike back by making them see that I'm not dumb.
YES, I can relate totally. I wonder though why do we do this. It doesn’t make any sence, does it? I do egsactly the same thing – make jokes on my behalf, sharing my faults with somebody in an inferior way and when somebody doesn’t take me serious (due to the self image I created) I start to get arrogant and grumpy, like eager to convince them the opposite – that I’m confident and full of self respect and stuff. Hmmm… needs thinking it over. You just gave me a homework :lol: .
 

Orlando

Well-known member
#11
Neddy,

Thank you for sharing "Don't Cultivate the Weeds". I going to use it. I really like it.

Aleksandra,
I was thinking the homework. I do that kind of stuff because I show other people I'm inferior so they won't mess with me. They will say, "I'm not a threat, I'm just a poor shy slob." However, when they say something against me that is all something different. I'm not telling myself I'm a slob some one else is telling me this. That is an attack on me. So usually, what I like to do is pout and go somewhere by myself. Wierd, huh???? :lol: :lol: :( :lol:

I didn't say I was sane. I'm just Orlando.
 

Orlando

Well-known member
#12
Neddy,

Thank you for sharing "Don't Cultivate the Weeds". I going to use it. I really like it.

Aleksandra,
I was thinking the homework. I do that kind of stuff because I show other people I'm inferior so they won't mess with me. They will say, "I'm not a threat, I'm just a poor shy slob." However, when they say something against me that is all something different. I'm not telling myself I'm a slob some one else is telling me this. That is an attack on me. So usually, what I like to do is pout and go somewhere by myself. Wierd, huh???? :lol: :lol: :( :lol:

I didn't say I was sane. I'm just Orlando.
 
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