Is "Love at First Sight" possible for social phobi

wiggle

wiggle

New member
I just wondered if love at first sight is possible for social phobics. I found that there's so many things that we worry about and the difficulties we have with talking to talking to the opposite sex that it's impossible to feel any strong feelings for someone when you first see/meet them.

Does anyone else feel like this? I need your thoughts!
 
M

maggie

Well-known member
Re: Is "Love at First Sight" possible for social p

wiggle said:
I just wondered if love at first sight is possible for social phobics. I found that there's so many things that we worry about and the difficulties we have with talking to talking to the opposite sex that it's impossible to feel any strong feelings for someone when you first see/meet them.

Does anyone else feel like this? I need your thoughts!
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hey wiggle....i guess i don't really believe in "love at first sight" for anyone..it's just my opinion...maybe "like" at first sight..or "lust" at first sight..but to love someone..i think it takes time to get to know someone..learn about who they really are..and what they mean to you :wink:
 
M

maggie

Well-known member
nerdgirl178 said:
You say that because it never happened to you Maggie.
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that's true...and it's just my little opinion..doesn't mean it hasn't happened to anyone..if it happened to you..that's really cool...i just didn't think it was the norm
 
ozkr

ozkr

Well-known member
nerdgirl178 said:
I hope it does happen to you, its wonderful :D
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The hard part is to have the object of your love to love you back. I never go beyond admiring the person I like (without letting her know,of course), that's why love at first sight never turns out well for me.
 
Lonelyheart

Lonelyheart

Well-known member
Honestly, I fall in love often and very easily. I think it is something about my biological and psychological composition that causes me to fall in love very easily. I think the portion of my brain responsible for feeling love may be both overly sensitive and overly active.

When I meet a lovely lady with a adorable face and a lovable personality, I have a tendency to fall in love even if I don't know them very well. I almost never daydream about sex; instead, I constantly daydream about love and lovely ladies. When I meet someone that seems to be a lovely lady, I can't help but think about what it would be like to hold that lady in my arms forever.
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
I don't think it's possible in the strictest sense of the word because love is by definition something that has to be grown and nurtured. You can't plant a few saplings and go "oh look, I've made a forest." You can initially feel physical attraction, mental bonding, tenderness, understanding, empathy, and a whole bunch of other things either separately or in combinations, but "love" as such is something that takes a while. I think love is knowledge - that you need to know and experience things with a person before it can be called that. I mean, I've kissed a lot of (female) frogs, thinking and feeling "she's the one" pretty much every time - and every time I was wrong. So love doesn't seem to be a judgement call, more like an affirmation of proven feelings. That's just how I see it of course, totally personal opinion.
 
Maarten

Maarten

Well-known member
Psychologist Jonathan Haidt separates two kinds of love in his book "The Happiness Hypothesis".

Passionate love: This is the kind of love you fall into. It is a wildly emotional state in which sexual feelings, pain, anxiety, relief, altruism and jealousy coexist. Passionate love is like a drug, it blinds you to reality and it is addictive. And after a while it wears off.

Compassionate love: is the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined. Compassionate love grows slowly over the years.

It is also interesting to note that love is partly caused by the release of the hormone Oxytocin which is the same hormone that attaches mother to child!

Anyway, yes it is possible for a social phobic to experience love at first sight and I myself have experienced this more than once. Normally love is and emotion that makes you very happy but in my case the opposite is true and I wish it never happened. Because I have social phobia I am unable to get in contact with the person I would most like to be with and this of course causes a lot of pain.

Regards,

Maarten
 
Q

Quixote

Well-known member
At first sight it's impossible, but a very short time can definitely be enough. At least for what I have seen around.
 
Maarten

Maarten

Well-known member
nerdgirl178 said:
This psychologist Jonathan Haidt is full of crap!
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You are free to believe this nerdgirl, but I think a professor in psychology deserves a little more credit than being full of sh*t.

The only reason why I posted in this tread is because it hurts me to hear people say that love at first sight is impossible. To say this would be to say that the pain I felt because of my love is somehow impossible. I think Jonathan Haidt explains why some people believe that love at first sight is impossible. Its not, they have just never experienced it, they have experienced compassionate love. (which grows over the years)
 
renegadee

renegadee

Member
Maarten, can the 2 types of love coexist ?

I mean the love you feel in the beggining is passionate, then as this weres off, compasionate love takes it place. :?:
 
LittleMissScareAll

LittleMissScareAll

Well-known member
I think we can feel like we are but others don't feel the same way. At least in my case. I was with my ex so long...and he just trashed me for some stupid ugly whore that didn't even like him. I think she went out with him a week or 2 then dumped him for someone else. So now I am alot more cautious. I never thought he would do that to me. :? :evil:
 
nerdgirl178

nerdgirl178

Well-known member
LittleMissScareAll said:
I think we can feel like we are but others don't feel the same way. At least in my case. I was with my ex so long...and he just trashed me for some stupid ugly whore that didn't even like him. I think she went out with him a week or 2 then dumped him for someone else. So now I am alot more cautious. I never thought he would do that to me. :? :evil:
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Well he did you a favor my deary :eek: I think a lot of girls and guys too make the huge mistake by expecting certain things in relationships. Maybe this may not be your case...but some people do stay in relationships because of what they want it to be instead of what it really is. Thanks Oprah!!! :wink:
Personally, I think there many types of love in my opinion. Not all though experience real love, sadly. Most people just need a partner because life is so hard alone :cry:
 
Maarten

Maarten

Well-known member
renegadee said:
Maarten, can the 2 types of love coexist ?

I mean the love you feel in the beggining is passionate, then as this weres off, compasionate love takes it place. :?:
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Yes, that's what he recommends. When you're in passionate love you should try to convert it to compassionate love. I don't think he says how this should be done but if you're interested in the subject you could read up on it. I believe psychologist Elaine Hatfield did the original research on the subject.

(Sorry for my late reply I have been away from the site for a while)
 
haze

haze

Well-known member
just imaginging that 2 SA people walk past eachother and automaticly connect and know they could live their whole lives togeather then both do nothing about it. wow thats depressing..
 
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