SocialHorsefly
New member
Hello everyone. I'm 28 and I haven't had even one friend since I was about 14. I was deathly shy between the ages of 14 and 21. In my early 20's I was always able to work and talk to the public in non-social situations, but that was as far as it went. I had "work friends" but I've never done anything with them outside of work. I haven't done anything socially at all since I was a kid.
I know a lot of people say they have no "real" friends. But I literally do not. I've only been out in public for non-work-related reasons once with someone other than my immediate family in 14 years.
Has anyone else been in such a situation and later been able to have at least a few friends and any sort of romantic life? I've never even held a girl's hand in my entire life. I had no sisters and no close female friends/family when I was growing up, so women are nothing short of an alien species to me. :roll:
I go through periods of complete resignation and other periods of intense longing. I sometimes think that I will never have any friends or family in my future, and I am actually able to live somewhat happily. I just focus on my passions for learning and reading/studying as much as I can. But then, other times, I think it may be possible to one day have friends, and perhaps a wife, and it causes me tremendous agony because I see no way to figure out how to make that happen. I once even fell for a girl, and asked her out. This only resulted in one of the most painful years of my entire life. (She said "let's be friends," which I took literally. The idea of being just her friend actually made me really happy. But alas, the only thing I learned was that when a girl says "let's be friends," she has absolutely no intention of actually being your friend). The experience was truly not worth it.
For that reason, I've thought about giving up on it once and for all. Should I? Is there really any hope for someone who has been friendless for 14 years? By giving up, I can perhaps buy myself a measure of peace and never again entertain the thought of having a social life. But if there is a real chance that it is possible, I don't want to lose that oppurtunity.
So, in summary, my dillema is this: Should I maintain hope that I still may be able to have a life, and thus expose myself to the emotional pain that comes with that hope? or should I cast aside all hope and at least live a bearable (although not fully happy) life?
I really hope someone here understands my dillema. It's hard for me to explain in detail exactly what I mean.
Sorry for the long post... But it hardly expresses a fraction of what I'm feeling. It would take a 1000 page novel to even come close to expressing the rest. The only reason I've got to the point of even posting something like this is because 2 years ago my father passed away. During all these years, he was my only friend and confidant. I thought I was a "loner" before, but it wasn't until now that I've actually tasted lonliness in it's purest form for the first time in my life.
I know a lot of people say they have no "real" friends. But I literally do not. I've only been out in public for non-work-related reasons once with someone other than my immediate family in 14 years.
Has anyone else been in such a situation and later been able to have at least a few friends and any sort of romantic life? I've never even held a girl's hand in my entire life. I had no sisters and no close female friends/family when I was growing up, so women are nothing short of an alien species to me. :roll:
I go through periods of complete resignation and other periods of intense longing. I sometimes think that I will never have any friends or family in my future, and I am actually able to live somewhat happily. I just focus on my passions for learning and reading/studying as much as I can. But then, other times, I think it may be possible to one day have friends, and perhaps a wife, and it causes me tremendous agony because I see no way to figure out how to make that happen. I once even fell for a girl, and asked her out. This only resulted in one of the most painful years of my entire life. (She said "let's be friends," which I took literally. The idea of being just her friend actually made me really happy. But alas, the only thing I learned was that when a girl says "let's be friends," she has absolutely no intention of actually being your friend). The experience was truly not worth it.
For that reason, I've thought about giving up on it once and for all. Should I? Is there really any hope for someone who has been friendless for 14 years? By giving up, I can perhaps buy myself a measure of peace and never again entertain the thought of having a social life. But if there is a real chance that it is possible, I don't want to lose that oppurtunity.
So, in summary, my dillema is this: Should I maintain hope that I still may be able to have a life, and thus expose myself to the emotional pain that comes with that hope? or should I cast aside all hope and at least live a bearable (although not fully happy) life?
I really hope someone here understands my dillema. It's hard for me to explain in detail exactly what I mean.
Sorry for the long post... But it hardly expresses a fraction of what I'm feeling. It would take a 1000 page novel to even come close to expressing the rest. The only reason I've got to the point of even posting something like this is because 2 years ago my father passed away. During all these years, he was my only friend and confidant. I thought I was a "loner" before, but it wasn't until now that I've actually tasted lonliness in it's purest form for the first time in my life.