Is it better to tell people about your SP?

[Mary]

Some people in my life (close friends and family) know about my Sp but a lot don't know, especially my husbands family..they came for a surprise visit yesterday and I hid in my room.. I didn't see them the whole time they were here (one day) and now that they are gone I just know that they are talking about me and how rude I was to not even say hi or bye to them. I just had one of those days where I just couldn't do it.. They think it is because of my pregnancy and that I was asleep all day that I didn't come out. And it was partly due to that too, I didn't want to deal w/them and get all stressed out trying to make conversation and thought I will just stay in my room and hide! At the time I didn't care what they thought but now I am a little more worried about it. So my question to everyone is this: Is it better just to be completely honest and tell people in your life you have SP?
Or will it even make a difference? I worry that they won't understand me and it won't help the situation at all and they will just think I am nuts..but..now they are thinking I am rude.. :? Nuts or rude? Are those my choices? Has anyone told someone and found it made things better or worse?

 

[SingaporeGuy]

hmm, a lot of times i tried to tell many people, friends, that i have SP, but they dont seem to understand..

they think its just normal shyness or something..now just find it pointless explaining..

 

[Mary]

Hi dreamer and singapore guy. Dreamer, it really might also be my hormones going up and down fr. the pregnancy as well! :lol: I almost cried the other day watching a dumb cartoon! 8O And honestly right now I feel like crying too but out of frustration..my mother called me and I told her what happened that I hid in my room and she went on and on about how rude I am and how awful that was what I did. I feel bad enough about it as it is w/out her giving me a guilt trip too. She knows I have Sp and I thought maybe I would get some comfort fr. her but instead feel worse than ever. I wanted sympathy not judgement. I can judge myself just fine thank you mom! :roll: I am really sad guys! I mean I feel like I am going to bust out crying here in a second. I feel like I let my husband down and am this horrible person because I wasn't able to put my fear aside and go and say hello to his family. Ok I am crying now, full blown. How are people supposed to understand me this? I don't even know why I am this way either. I just feel like I am dealing w/so much right now, I am just trying to take it day by day and not stress out thinking of the future and then this happens and I feel like how will I ever be able to live a normal life or be a good mother if I can't even do something so simple as say hello to people? I thought I had gotten past thte hiding out stage but apparently not. I'm sorry for throwing a pity party about this but you guys are the only ones on here who I have a hope could understand how I am feeling.

 

[SingaporeGuy]

Yeah, i feel for u Mary. i had a similar situation too.

i told my friend about this illness that i was having and he was aware of that.

then the following week i saw him again. he was still behaving weirdly in front of me. he knew i had SA, and all i hoped for was that he understood and treated me dfferently from the rest.

he acted the same way as those guys that shunned me, and i was left crushed with tears in the eyes when i was in the bus.

yeah, i feel that heart wrenching pain that u feel now..

 

[GIOLANDA]

Mary,I agree that you may be more sensitive now that you're pregnant. Personally,I think is good not to tell at people who will never understand. I told my mother and she's torturing me since then,telling different silly things. But I told my professor too,as I had a project about SA and he understood completely,cause he's a psychologist.So,I think you must tell only to ppl who can really understand. Regarding to those relatives,I know that you feel bad now,I've had the same problems,hiding when others visited us,but it's better to tell other excuses than the truth. But you have your pregnancy so don't worry of what they think,women in your situation are excused. I see that you are having bad times and I'll pray for you. Don't worry,Lord always understands while people don't.

 

[Mary]

Thank you Giolanda and Singapore guy. I know you all know how I am feeling and can understand. I just wish I had more people like you guys in my life that understood too. I mean apart fr. this site I don't really have anyone who understands and can be supportive. I was fine yesterday when they came over and I didn't care what they thought of me because I knew that I knew the truth but then this morning I started feeling bad and then my mother called and made it worse. But I am doing a bit better now. I have seen fr. my past experiences that not many people can be supportive when you tell them about your Sp as they can't really understand it but I feel bad making up excuses and not being able to do simple things others take for granted. Even the people who know about my Sp have to be reminded of it in certain situations. Something will come up that I can't do and they will expect me to do it and I have to say," I have Sp remember?" and I hate having to allways remind them. So in my experience it doesn't help for others to know. But I just don't know what to do about it sometimes.

 

[cLavain]

I know how you feel, Mary, I did similar things when I was younger and lived with my parents. I have told almost no one about SA, and I think that's best. The downside is that people are going to think you're rude sometimes, but at least the people here know it's NOT rudeness! It's as if you were bedridden with some virus and too sick to talk to anyone, but sadly many people will never accept the similarity because they don't understand.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I'm sure you know we all understand and support you here!

 

[LA-girl]

Hi there Mary!

You know I have been struggeling with the exact same question many times. And I still don't know the answer. But I agree with the person who said that it is probably not wise to tell people whom you are convinced would not understand. I have actually told my boss at work about my problem, but it is as if he does not understand. He always tell me that I do not look like a person with this type of disorder! Dah! :roll:

Another thing I have noticed is that if I tell people about this issue of mine I'm becoming more paranoid and constantly think about those people evaluating and judging me even more.... :? But usually it gets better after a while...when the news is no longer "news".

But i still think it is important to at least tell people you're close to...

Oh..and about hormones: YES, they can be responsible for higher levels of anxiety, at least for me (PMS)!!

 

[Mary]

Thank you Clavain and LA-girl! I am doing better now, I just had one of those melt down moments earlier..but after I had a good long cry and prayed awhile I felt much better. Not to mention that it is allways nice when people can relate to you and I know all of you on here can. Big Hug everyone!
Oh and I think I will take the majority of the advice on here and not tell too many people about my Sp but just the few who know and maybe..maybe...my inlaws..maybe! :wink:

 

[Quixote]

Well just to add some more strenght to the argument...I also think it's best not to tell around. Most people have no idea what this is and even if they aknowledge such a problem exists, they most likely won't be able to understand and imagine how it feels. And sadly most people (included ourselves probably) are neither understanding nor supportive in the face of problems they themselves *can't have*, and tend to judge negatively people who do, or at least assume it is "their fault". A wealthy person, asked about the issue of poverty in his country, will sometimes tend to attribute it to "laziness" "unwillingness to work hard" etc... Same happens with extroverts and SP, except it is practically certain.

 

[bonafide]

Today I had a similar situation.

I started the morning at work asking a co-worker about a problem, and my manager was in the area and made a joke "He always has a worried look on his face. Only comes over here, never to say hi."

Later in the day, I started becoming paranoid, thinking that co workers were talking about me in their cubes, wondering why I am so quiet and isolated.

I hate this. I hate how the flight or fight response seems to seize control of your body and mind. I tire of this struggle.