Intense feelings of guilt with bf

[summersun08]

My boyfriend and I haven't been together very long..about 2 months, but I have very strong feelings for him and he's very important to me. My problem is that, for whatever reason, my OCD has gotten much worse lately and i've been having obsessive thoughts, mainly of a sexual nature, that freak me out and disgust me.

In addition to dealing with these thoughts, I feel guilty about having them because I feel like i'm a bad person. I'm scared to death that if i ever told my bf about my thoughts he would freak out and leave, so obviously I don't tell him, but i feel like i'm hiding the fact that i'm a bad person from him. Whenever he compliments me, i feel like i don't deserve it because of this. I really want our relationship to last, but i don't know how to get over the feeling that i'm deceiving him. He knows I have OCD, but i don't know that he'd be able to comprehend it enough to realize that the thoughts are a result of it.

Does anyone have a similar situation or know how to deal with this??

 

[moony]

Hey sweets,

I was on here asking questions to people with OCD because... I don't have it, and am/was in a relationship with someone who has it.

I can maybe give you some insight as the partner without it if this will help you. Or a "what I would do" type thing, and I hope it helps you:

I know that if my bf... who just totally shut down on me and ran away told me about something sexually "disgusting" that was driving him mad, I KNOW that I would listen without judgment... because I absolutely love him so damn much... and after he ran away, I did a bunch of research on OCD... and I know that some bad things he may see in himself is not intrinsically him or he wouldn't feel so bad about them. And honestly, some things he hates himself for... I wish he would just know... it's cool, no one thinks he is as bad as he thinks he is...

I think you may be underestimating our ability to understand and work through things and come up with positive solutions to make the relationship better...

Is your bf someone you feel you can truly talk to?

I know 2 months doesn't seem very long... but all time is relative, no?

Cheer up... you're not a bad person.

 

[ocdgirl]

Hi, i am not a doctor, but I am in an intensive OCD program

I have exactly what you have(and many oteh rthings) and i know what you are going through, i have sexual thoughts that are disgusting, and i feel guilty toward my bf , myself, and feel i don't deserve to live. what you have to do now, is bizarre, but is to accept those feelings. Do not find ways to push away teh thoughts, or search for why you have those thoughts. do not tell your thoughts are not you, instead, say maybe those thoughts are part of me, maybe i like those thoughts. it sounds ridiciculous but it works. this is called exposure response therapy and has helped millions of ocd sufferers. I want u to sit with teh anxiety, teh feelings of feeling disgusting. and let your brain get used to that feeling and sooner or later, you will feel less anxious about it. this process is called habituation. i know all this seems overwhelming, if you like, u can drop me a message and i can tell you more. but remeber you have to stop ritualizing. ritualizing as means of saying things to urself to make urself feel better such as "i know i don't want these thoughts""these thoughts are not tue", accept them as if it's true, it'll be very hard at first but trust me it gets better. and whether u tell ur boyfriend you have these thoughts, it's up to you. i never did myself because it's my business, altho i do feel liek i am obligated to tell him at times. it's a hard position to be.

 

[meme]

me too. you might consider researching "fantasies" everybody has fantasies, now with OCD, i might call them intrusive fantasies. the thing is, your mind is safe, and just because you think something doesnt mean you have to do it. you are just exploring the limits of your mind, and its sucks because ocd makes everything suck, but the thing is, these thoughts are yours, and you are under no obligation to share them with others. you can if you want, but everyone has secrets and there's no shame in that.