inferiority complex to the traditional college crowd?

[Etbow23]

Hi all,
I am what I'd call a "non-traditional" student...I went to community college and just graduated with an associate's degree.. I applied to late to the state university and they ran out of space for spring.. now I've been looking at a small college for next fall 2012, however I would be commuting for different reasons, or seeing if they have online classes. So unless I take a class again at the community college this semester just to keep up with everything, I'll be off and just working from now until next fall.

I don't know what it is. I don't want to leave my boyfriend, who lives with me in my mother's house, and then there's the anxiety of going to live at or around a college that scares me. Also I'm a working student...I've always worked while going to school and I if I would move away, where would I make any money? I don't feel that I could afford it and I don't want to go without my boyfriend.

I don't have any extracurricular activities because a) I'm too shy and b) I don't have time since I've always been working while in school.

I remember over the summer I was working (i'm a cashier) and this girl I knew from high school who went away to a four year school right after high school came through my line, obviously on summer break visiting her folks. She said, "wow, you still live around here?" all increduosly like it was some crazy thing. It made me feel bad, that after 2 years I'm still going to community college and working here while she gets to frolic her summer away at her parents house.

But my case is just different. I live w my mother and her boyfriend, and don't have contact w my father, and my mother may be moving soon enough out of state, and so i will never be the student who comes back and "visits their parents" or whatever. My mother never guided me in applying to colleges, and I applied late last month because I had no idea. I just have to figure it out on my own, and often I don't figure it out til it's too late. I remember at Christmas when we got together with my mother's family my aunt was telling me how her daughter (my cousin) who is a high school senior, has already applied to 6 colleges, visited them, and been accepted to a few already. I'm 20 and just graduated community college and haven't visited any other colleges! I don't know what's wrong with me.

In high school, I never visited or applied to any universities. I never took the SATs. I missed my junior year because I was running away from home and in the hospital, and just really screwed up in general.

I just feel out of the loop. I feel like my fear of being around people and feeling inferior to these happy privileged college kids I see is preventing me from participating in these types of activities, and I've really limited my options to places I can commute. Not to mention that I don't want to leave my boyfriend or lose my job.

I feel really stuck and I'm wondering if there's anyone else who feels this inferiority or intimidation. Even though I have gotten excellent grades while always working at the same time, I feel lesser than these other people I see. Over the course of two years, my cumulative gpa was 3.85, but I'm worried it won't matter since i don't participate in clubs or the like. I don't know why I'm not as prepared as the other young people i see around, what gave them the *push* they needed to accomplish things. I'm wondering if its social anxiety, my family situation, or what.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Hmmm, well, maybe you could try to save up some money before you move, so you'll have a sum of money to survive on while you look for a new job in the new area, then you can invite your boyfriend to come live with you. And don't feel inferior, okay? You're not. Everyone has their own pace in doing things, rushing towards the finish might make you worse off than if you took your time. You've been facing other problems, so naturally, you'd have less time to work on other matters. Not to mention you don't have any support in this; if I didn't have my mother around to make sure that things got done, I'd be floundering about. On another note, you're learning how to live on your own by taking care of this on your own, so you've got some skills that some of the other kids going to college lack.

Moving into a new area is definitely scary, but, spend some time there, and the fear will dissipate. Maybe, on campus, you can go talk to someone about this and get some help to confront and settle these demons in your minds. As for extracurricular activities, well, try looking at what they have and see if any interest you. If you find one you like (and have the time for), then take a deep breath until you feel serene and then rush to go sign up for it before your mind can talk you out of it. You can do it, I'm positive!

 

[Etbow23]

You are NOT less than the other people you see. Please don't think this because it is a wretched lie. It's difficult (to say the least) to have a job while attending school and participate in clubs, etc.

Are you okay staying close to home and completing your education at the community college? Or would you rather go to a small college in the fall and see what it is like to live on your own? You have much to think about, but it must be said that a degree is a degree. It really doesn't matter which school you go to because once you have your degree, you've attained post-secondary education.

Staying close to home is the safe option, but moving to a different area for school in the fall would force you to grow in different ways, and new options will open up for you. You could always find a job in the spring/summer near or at the school, and find an apartment close by (or rent a room from an older lady). You have lot's of options, don't feel boxed in. I'm wondering, what does your heart want?

Some people have an easier time during their younger years, while others have a much better time in their middle age. We all have trials/obstacles to overcome. I think you are stonger than you think. You've gained wisdom from the problems you've encountered already. It sounds like you don't have much emotional support from your family. This is when you become the driving force in your life. Remember that you are intelligent, capable and worthy. I wish you success in your studies (whichever route you chose) and in life

Thanks for the encouraging words! I think that I will try commuting next fall to the college I applied to, and force myself to get involved in at least one club or something! I think that I have anxiety about participating in these things because of these feelings I was talking about, and I wasn't sure if I'd have the time due to work. But I also have anxiety about not participating, so I think I will try and force myself to get involved in one thing when I go back to school.

Hmmm, well, maybe you could try to save up some money before you move, so you'll have a sum of money to survive on while you look for a new job in the new area, then you can invite your boyfriend to come live with you. And don't feel inferior, okay? You're not. Everyone has their own pace in doing things, rushing towards the finish might make you worse off than if you took your time. You've been facing other problems, so naturally, you'd have less time to work on other matters. Not to mention you don't have any support in this; if I didn't have my mother around to make sure that things got done, I'd be floundering about. On another note, you're learning how to live on your own by taking care of this on your own, so you've got some skills that some of the other kids going to college lack.

Moving into a new area is definitely scary, but, spend some time there, and the fear will dissipate. Maybe, on campus, you can go talk to someone about this and get some help to confront and settle these demons in your minds. As for extracurricular activities, well, try looking at what they have and see if any interest you. If you find one you like (and have the time for), then take a deep breath until you feel serene and then rush to go sign up for it before your mind can talk you out of it. You can do it, I'm positive!

Thank you Yeah, I'm saving up some money--I think that I will try commuting at first (it's maybe a half hour drive to forty five minutes, though traffic can be bad going that way during certain times of the day) and if that's too hard I will consider moving up there finally and face my fears. Sometimes when it comes to anxiety about these things, I find I just have to force myself to do things and it's not as bad as I think.