In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey....

[sullyS1985]

Ive stopped posting on this forum because i feel like the constant negativity doesnt help much and usually reinforces my negative thoughts. BUT it has been a minute since i have posted and am just looking to ventbut also maybe get some advice. Im not very good with the ladies because I amso shy and for the most part think i am a pathetic piece of cow dung. Not in all aspects of life but certain ones, mainly my communication skills with girls that show slight interest. Like this one girl for instance, i have been talking to her on and off. It is to the point where i feel like i would be comfortable around her. I have even told her about my social anxiety. Either way im constantly asking her if i am annoying or if i was annoying when i was all ****faced and she constantly says no and also tells me to quit apologizing. I could see why she would say that it is annoying to be around people that constant apologize and have no confidence. The past two days she really has been giving me the cold shoulder and ignoring me. I realize there are plenty of fish in the sea and dont necessarily think i would get very serious with this girl but I'm lonely and really enjoy her company on the phone or in person because It is rare that i have someone to talk to especially a female. What I am really pissed off about though is not so much this girl ignoring me but the constant thought that i will be stuck in this cycle of meeting girls that like me and running them off because of my insecurities. A wise musician once said "lonliness is not a phase" and Im really starting to believe it.
I apologize for being a Debbie downer and realize that if i analyze and understand why i am so insecure, i can come up with ways to change personally but I really wanted to get an opinion from someone, feedback or whatever you have to offer. Even if you can identify. Im open for any response. A response by itself may make me feel better because i have been waiting for them all day, staring at myphone like a complete loner and it has not came. Sorry for the long ass rant.

 

[sullyS1985]

Haha glad you caught that Beck reference. Ya I know there was attraction we even discussed it on sunday but I constantly fear that I said or did something that pissed her off, weirded her out, creeped her out or annoyed her and ive most definitely let that shine through which is why i fear she may have lost attraction and that is the reason she does not talk to me. She told me she had a bad day earlier and hasnt really responded since i asked if i could help. I dunno Just feels like im in the non-stop cycle of ****ing potential relationships/friendships up. The never ending cycle of impressing a girl with my personality and letting my insecuirties shine through and run her off.

 

[sullyS1985]

Ya man I guess being really nice and supportive is not thing girls want these days. Apparently treating them like they dont exist is the key to winning their heart. Or so I hear. I understand why they would be turned away by the lack of confidence but to see them go to some narcissistic ******* that only wants sex is most definitely frustrating and definitely adds to the self loathing character flaw I have had for a while.