in a position where i can't change

[MariahCarey]

does anyone feel like their in a position where they cant change/ be themseleves? its like ppl @ school know me as this shy, mute, boring person and i feel like i wouldnt be able to switch from that to my actual self, who is bubbly, happy and up for a laugh (this is what i'm like at home) cos then they'd be like "wtf, werent you the girl who never spoke b4?" and they'd be pointin out the fact that i spoke or did somethin out of the ordinary and all the attention would be on me and it wud just be too much. but i just dont wanna be the shy, mute, boring person im labelled as anymore, i want to be me...but i cant. anyone else feel like dis/

 

[cLavain]

Yeah, I know that feeling very well. It's like you have to be an outgoing person from the beginning, or it's "too late". It's somehow easier when you meet new people, but with SA it's still hard to "be yourself"...

 

[longlivesolitude]

yeah I know what you mean too. I just think it's myself who get "into the same role" as I'm used to. If I change I think people would react on me in a different way too - after a while anyway.

 

[turtlegirl]

Same here. My husband once told me that my in-laws thought I seemed more comfortable around them at some visit. So nice of people to gossip about me yeah. I guess the spotlight's on me no matter what I do, since I start out at a disadvantage.

 

[JediKnight]

I know how you feel, I was very shy and introverted myself in all of my school years. it's very hard to just be yourself around all those people, if i had the chance to go back to school i would try to make a smooth transition into being less shy. start out by talking about school-related things and not personal, and then try to share a conversation with one or two people. you'd have to build up your self esteem and see yourself as a positive person so you would feel like fitting in with the rest of the croud.

 

[LA323]

i feel like that to, and that gives me alot of anxiety, but if you are a certain way theres no way u can change, you just got to accept it, even shy people have their qualities, just as happy, louder people do, but the problem is that people think that shyness is always bad or negative, which is, "i think"not true

 

[LibertadIlusoria]

Yep. That's the main reason I'm planning to go to the vocational/technical school next year instead of regular high school. There will be kids from like 15 different high schools there, so maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to change just enough to make a real friend or two, and maybe even find a boyfriend. I've never had any of those before... Plus with the program that I'll be in, it will probably just be other computer/internet nerds like me in my class, which will make things hella easier. Everyone dreams, I can dream too!

 

[sutiono]

Yea. In some classes I feel really out of place and really depressed. Especially when everyone on the class has at least somebody to talk to but no one even cares to look at me. A lot of times when the teacher is not around or if we have free time people would sit with their friends and I am left by myself in a big table. It makes me feel like crying.

 

[DemonDayz]

I know how you guys feel, when I moved I didn't talk to anyone at school, now I've have even hung out with people outside of school a bit.

I reccoment not to start talking and be all jibber jabby right away, 'cuz people will be like wth for sure. Just start making 'lil comments and conversations here or there, people won't think it's weird. After a while just start to talk more and more, and next thing you know your getting yelled at by the teacher 'cuz your talking to much!

Hope this helps~
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[sugaryberries]

I think it might be weird for a while, but they would get over it and just start talking to you.

Over the years people I have known have told me I should talk more. I think if you did start talking they would be like "Finally! You talk! Now I can actually get to know you."

 

[Ayla]

Not that I haven't felt the exact same thing a million times, but...

what if we prioritized ourselves over what other people thought of us. What if, even though other people might say this or that, it was more important to us to take care of ourselves and do what we felt was right for us, and healthy for us.

I mean, its not like you're contemplating violence, stealing or something terrible...what's so bad about changing a personna at a whim. Who does it hurt?

Again, I've been there, I'm not demeaning your strife. I'm just trying to throw out an alternate perspective. I mean, what are they going to do if you start talking to them, pummel you with rotten fruit?

 

[sugaryberries]

Whether people want to believe it or not, there are few people who TRULY don't care what others think of them.

Self-esteem is tied to others. People who are shy or have SA I believe are definitely afflicted with a type of low self esteem. True introverts or people who prefer not to have social interact because for them it has no redeeming value I feel are one of the few groups who do not care what others think. But someone with SA or shyness wants to have that contact so how others view you is important.

 

[jss]

does anyone feel like their in a position where they cant change/ be themseleves? its like ppl @ school know me as this shy, mute, boring person and i feel like i wouldnt be able to switch from that to my actual self, who is bubbly, happy and up for a laugh (this is what i'm like at home) cos then they'd be like "wtf, werent you the girl who never spoke b4?" and they'd be pointin out the fact that i spoke or did somethin out of the ordinary and all the attention would be on me and it wud just be too much. but i just dont wanna be the shy, mute, boring person im labelled as anymore, i want to be me...but i cant. anyone else feel like dis/

yes that is so right.

some things and behaviors I couldn't make it due to depression or excesive social phobia. and when I become better and see I may be able to do it. but I can't with old fellows in work or in college. just because I feel they already knew me and will find it strange that I did it.

 

[qipuqipu]

You sum up exactly how I feel with the people I know. I have the perception that they all hate me because I never talked much, or froze up when they talked to me. Now I don't want to 'trouble them' with my presence... but I stick around anyway, because being completely alone would be much worse. I wish I had the confidence to be less reliant on what they think about me.

I even feel the same way with this forum... I started not posting much, and now I've been registered for a while, I feel like you don't want to be troubled with my thoughts. Not counting this post, obviously. -_-

 

[MariahCarey]

thanks so much for the advice and contribution to my thread guys!
you're so right, ayla, but like qipuqipu, i too feel like every1 hates me cos i'm practically mute and i have been this way for 3 years. ppl think i'm a loser now and dont even talk to me cos they're worried it mite affect their "street cred" and they'd probably lose ratings for talkin to me. so its just hard to make that transistion from bein seen as a miserable loser to some perky, chirpy chick. i'll try and give it a go tho.

 

[Ayla]

I have a little story for you, Mariah. When I was in high school, I was very quiet, and only talked to old friends, etc. Then, I went thru a period where I decided, enough was enough, I was going to force myself to be someone else (don't recommend this by the way - I had no idea that I was socially phobic, and I was just trying to pretend like I didn't have a problem)...anyways, so I just started talking one day. I did exactly what you're afraid to do. And, honestly, I don't think anyone gave it much thought because, well, they had never really given me much thought before. I was kind of just invisible to them before - and then it was like I was the new kid.

my point is that, although I'm not suggesting that you are invisible, when we are very introverted, our own world's become REALLY big to us. quite often, other people aren't thinking about us as much as we might imagine they are.

of course, i could be completely wrong - because I don't know the details of you situation. I'm sure it varies in degree, too, depending on your social world. but what I'm saying is, they may not see your transformation as being as significant as you do. they aren't feeling what you're feeling, they don't have your past - they've only seen shades of you.

 

[girlshaped]

Yes, I can relate to what you're experiencing. When I was in high school I found it hard to be myself round many my age and was often put down by even my so-called best friend, at that time, who would make remarks on almost everything I did to how I looked. I have always been out-going and comical and enjoyed making ppl laugh, but because of the put-downs, I started shying away from who I really was to please others that werent happy with themselves. Obviously, at the time of my youth I didnt see it in this light, but have finally woken up to realize, yet again, it's those that put others down to make themselves big are the ones with the real insecurities. And now, I will rarely shy away from being me for no one. It still can be difficult at times because of my SA/SP, but once I am comfortable with someone I am just fine - especially on good days . And when/if ever someone has/were to attempt to make me feel small again, I laugh because I know it lies down to their insecurities. I hope this helps x Btw, Mariah, I bet you are a v.pretty girl As all of you are on here

Hugs

girlshaped