IMpress girls 1st time

[Jesushasomeoneforme]

I am now good at impressing girls the first time I meet them. Then, I get anxious and screw it up. Seems like I gotta be perfect{no anxiet,worrying}. It's just not fair. Anyone have this problem? Jesus has someone for me.

 

[Felgen]

I am now good at impressing girls the first time I meet them. Then, I get anxious and screw it up. Seems like I gotta be perfect{no anxiet,worrying}. It's just not fair. Anyone have this problem? Jesus has someone for me.

I have this problem too. After I lost some weight and started caring more about my appearance, first dates are usually succesfull and getting dates are no longer hard. I know how to be charming for a short while, but sooner or later girls find out that I'm "different" (Asperger's syndrome for the win).

I can fake confidence long enough to get laid, but I've never had a girlfriend.

 

[Luke1993]

what do you do to impress the girls first time you meet them?

 

[Felgen]

what do you do to impress the girls first time you meet them?

Girls are impressed when they see my drawings or when I share knowledge about something that interest them. Remember that what you basically have to do, is to be more impressive than the other guys she has dated. Most girls older than 16 are impressed by brain as well as brawn.

If the girl knows about my ADD or autistic disorder (I don't tell her unless she has some mental problems herself), she is usually impressed by the fact that I go to college as well.

Also, don't "seek" her approval; say to yourself that it's HER loss if she rejects you--not yours. I know this is hard, but you'll quickly get the hang of it.

These hints will only help you succeed on a first date, I've never been in a true relationship myself, because I either get bored with the girl or I screw something up. Keep in mind that a date can still be successful if you don't hump on the first date (or even hug, for that matter).

 

[Luke1993]

That has cleared a few things up, thank you I'm grateful for that answer!

 

[mrb]

I am now good at impressing girls the first time I meet them. Then, I get anxious and screw it up. Seems like I gotta be perfect{no anxiet,worrying}. It's just not fair. Anyone have this problem? Jesus has someone for me.

yep so do i mate , does your head in dont it ..

 

[Felgen]

That has cleared a few things up, thank you I'm grateful for that answer!

Keep in mind that by sharing knowledge about something that interest her, I don't mean make-up and stuff like that. What I mean is that if she for example likes to travel, tell her about King Ludwig II of Bavaria or the cuisine of Russia. Be creative!

 

[Exeunt]

I'd argue the key to impressing girls is... not trying to impress them. No point in forcing a relationship or pretending - just behave normally.

 

[Felgen]

I'd argue the key to impressing girls is... not trying to impress them. No point in forcing a relationship or pretending - just behave normally.

The "be yourself" fallacy doesn't work in any cultures where the guy has to make the first move. Most girls today aren't interested in shy men who lack confidence. You can't really blame any individuals for it (this is a huge mistake many men do), but the media and the commercialization has "decided" that it should be that way--therefore it is that way. People are subconsciously affected by this.

 

[Exeunt]

Let me explain something - I'm not a "shy man who lacks confidence." I suffer from SA. I won't allow the SA - nor media and culture - to define who I am. It's sickening how much masochism I see on this forum. Why should I pretend to be something I'm not? I've had my fill of deception and self-delusion. After a decade of being miserable, I've realized the SA isn't part of me. It's an adversary that wants me to be ashamed of who I am, to place the opinions and wants of others over those of my own. Well, screw that. If I can accept and truly be myself, without altering my behavior to please others, then I'll have won.

Now, I'm aware that our afflictions and perspectives differ. But for me, there's a profound difference between fighting and enabling the SA. I'm through accepting its presence. Instead, I choose to recognize and fight its lies, because I will be happy.

 

[Zav]

Also, don't "seek" her approval; say to yourself that it's HER loss if she rejects you--not yours. I know this is hard, but you'll quickly get the hang of it.

This is spot on. I mean, I wouldn't get out of hand with it (eventually if it turns out both have mutual interest in each other, then both need to show that they care for the other's approval).

The "be yourself" fallacy doesn't work in any cultures where the guy has to make the first move. Most girls today aren't interested in shy men who lack confidence.

Yeah, but being reserved doesn't necessarily equal lack of confidence. Sometimes it comes off as thoughtfulness and/or humility, which is a good thing.

When I met a girl in high school (my first girlfriend), I was pretty confident/talkative when I met her. Then when we started going out I naturally went back to being myself - more collected and reserved. Then she felt like I wasn't the same guy that she met and it just went downhill.

 

[Qbmaster]

Let me explain something - I'm not a "shy man who lacks confidence." I suffer from SA. I won't allow the SA - nor media and culture - to define who I am. It's sickening how much masochism I see on this forum. Why should I pretend to be something I'm not? I've had my fill of deception and self-delusion. After a decade of being miserable, I've realized the SA isn't part of me. It's an adversary that wants me to be ashamed of who I am, to place the opinions and wants of others over those of my own. Well, screw that. If I can accept and truly be myself, without altering my behavior to please others, then I'll have won.

Now, I'm aware that our afflictions and perspectives differ. But for me, there's a profound difference between fighting and enabling the SA. I'm through accepting its presence. Instead, I choose to recognize and fight its lies, because I will be happy.

You have come to the exact same conclusion as I have. Considering your SA to be separate from yourself makes it easy to fight SA without feeling that you are fighting against yourself. I don't understand why so many people consider their SA to be part of their personality, and often such an important part that trying to be or seem less anxious is undesirable. Being "yourself" means being who you are when the anxiety is not there. But I would argue that exaggerating your own positive personality traits in order to impress someone does not mean that you are not yourself.

 

[Anomaly]

The "be yourself" fallacy doesn't work in any cultures where the guy has to make the first move. Most girls today aren't interested in shy men who lack confidence. You can't really blame any individuals for it (this is a huge mistake many men do), but the media and the commercialization has "decided" that it should be that way--therefore it is that way. People are subconsciously affected by this.

The approach to "getting the girl" works just for that -- many people realize afterward, when they're done putting up a show in an attempt to make themselves more likable, they can't stand the person they're with. I'll concede that it's probably harder to get attention when one behaves as they normally do. Granted, some part of it is subconscious, but it can certainly be controlled to some extent.

"Most girls today aren't interested in shy men who lack confidence."
Then the logical conclusion one would come to is that most women wouldn't be interested in shy men. Putting up a temporary attempt at being confident doesn't get around the fact that once you're found out, she's not interested in you. If, however, the interest in confident men is superficial and leads to the female liking the guy anyway after she's had a chance to realize that the criterion isn't that important, it speaks more of society and not of you.

Dissent begins at the individual level, if one is brave enough.

 

[Felgen]

Let me explain something - I'm not a "shy man who lacks confidence." I suffer from SA. I won't allow the SA - nor media and culture - to define who I am. It's sickening how much masochism I see on this forum. Why should I pretend to be something I'm not? I've had my fill of deception and self-delusion. After a decade of being miserable, I've realized the SA isn't part of me. It's an adversary that wants me to be ashamed of who I am, to place the opinions and wants of others over those of my own. Well, screw that. If I can accept and truly be myself, without altering my behavior to please others, then I'll have won.

Now, I'm aware that our afflictions and perspectives differ. But for me, there's a profound difference between fighting and enabling the SA. I'm through accepting its presence. Instead, I choose to recognize and fight its lies, because I will be happy.

I'm not talking about acting like a different person, but appearing confident when you're not. If one does not show the slightest sign of confidence, one will be rejected. This goes for job interviews, when you sell your car, when you go on the stage of a talent show and so on as well--it's nobody's fault, it's just how cynical the modern society is. First dates today are like job interviews: You show the girl what you're made of--but in the end confidence and experience are the key factors.

Confidence is not neccesarily an aspect of personality, but it shows how much sh!t you've had to take during your life. When first dates are successful, when you get laid etc. your confidence will get higher and eventualy, you will become confident enough.

As far as social anxiety goes, nobody develops it without beeing shy or having a low confidence in the first place.

 

[Dronee]

I always feel like the odd one out in these kinds of arguments. I just don't care about dating and all that. Maybe it's the culture thing. Most of the relationships I see around me are natural progressions from friendships and coworkers. There's no 'dates'... just outings with large groups of friends, talking... things happening very naturally without the need for this kind of debate to surface.

Anyway, if I've to put up a front to get someone to like me, then I feel like I'm just shooting myself in the foot. I'm very picky I guess. If the person cannot see the good in me or doesn't bother, then she's not the kind of person I want to spend my life with. And if there is never anyone suitable... hey... bachelor life has a lot of freedom in it.

 

[jare]

Hats off to being able to impress a girl, although there is no need to be a showoff. I can't even talk to girls let alone get a girlfriend. Well, not yet anyway.

 

[Nack]

I use pick up lines from, "How to get a girl to talk to you for 5 minutes" books.

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

"Impress girls for the first time"-every pickup artists ever

"just be yourself"-the majority of the american population


Why?-Because apparently men are battering rams meant for punishment to no avail or praise.

I thought about the concept of those two sayings my first months of SA and concluded this:
Other does not acommodate for self at day's end.

I hate how apparently I have to give materials in order to feel loved by other in this culture.Because of the 'can do' attitude and the competetive behaviour,I've come to loathe it with a passion.I could go on a rant but I'd rather not.