im usually better than this....

[jojo77]

i havent been here in a while. but i really feel down these days, i honestly feel alone. i cant handle being by myself these days, and when im not alone all i want is space! im driving myself crazy, and everyone around me crazy. i can feel all the stressors in my life swirling around me, and every little ounce of bitterenss towards my mom/ childhood bubbling towards the surface. im going to burst, and i dont know how to stop it. im sure this makes no sense, but i dont care i have nobody to talk to. writing on a forum is better than talking to myself....because myself is the problem.
i feel stupid for saying anything becuase all i can think is how much worse someone else has it, and how spoiled i look for crying about stupid ish. but damn, the older i get, the older my wonderful baby girl gets...the worse my anger is getting towards things that has happened to me. towards my mom for letting it happen, towards her mom for being an ignorant housewife that relied on a man her whole life, than sat and watch her kids get beat. watched her duaghter become a drunk. do drugs, get pregnant and become the selfish man hater that she is today. the 16 year old alcohlic trapped in a 41 year olds body. over wieght, depressed, bitter woman. who always makes sure that i feel the wrath. that i feel like i ruined her life. its the 'laura' show, and everyone is out to get her, especially breanna. she can do no wrong. god, every little word than she utters is a guilt trip! i hate the way she raised me. how can people say not to regret anything becuase i wouldnt be the person i am today...well guess what i dont like who i am...no body likes who i am half the time. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ......

god that felt good.

i feel like i never have a place to say those things

i do have a bright side, im just incredibly down today. i do however thank god for everything that i DO have in my life today. my daughter, boyfriend, even my mom..and grandma. i know i cant change anything but my attitude...which desperately needs reshaping...but i also cant live with these thoughts bottled up. so thank you...im done for today ...
goodnight.

 

[MikeyC]

You can take solace in the fact that you know the mistakes your mum and her mum made, and you won't pass on those to your daughter.

 

[jojo77]

thank you.
thats half my worries, is that i somehow am going to turn my baby girl into a social phobic, or something equally as bad. i had no one to teach me anything else other than my mom. how else am i supposed to parent? i only have God now to show me the right way to teach my daughter. first i need to teach myself........................

 

[MikeyC]

You don't know what your daughter will be like. All you can do is bring her up the best you can and hopefully she'll be a good person when she's older.