of_darkness
Well-known member
I think I have. I'm 18 now, and things are just working disastrously smoothly.
I feel AMAZING deep inside on 100% personal matters. My music taste fascinates me, I've almost given myself some random form of synesthesia just by listening and loving my new tastes too much!! All thanks to Porcupine Tree. The ultimate....band.....for me. full stop. Then theres the writing music which I feel good about too.
Friends wise I'm utterly fucked. My scattered group of friends are literally hanging by a thread. The way they're all so nice, and don't judge people..that's great. But they say some pretty 'bad' things. As in rich kid kind of bad. Maybe some of you remember an old post about 2 of the being debaters. Well their jokes and general thoughts annoy me still. But they're the only people I have, and are definately sensible enough. They'rer good people.
But I don't feel I can trust them, they've done things behind my back and even they find it far too easy to ignore me. I'm sure lots of you can relate to that.
So basically, I'm socially doomed. Back when I thought I wasn't, I was almost happy. Though I realize now, I had nothing at heart. My music tastes weren't solid, I wasn't producing art I liked, and I just generally wasn't complete. So now that i've become detached, I realize there's nothing to fear. I'm complete, and It's fine with me.
From SAs point of view I can answer any question and feel good. That's the difference really. I'm rarely embarrassed. People shouldn't fear SA. My overnight phase of understanding myself has revealed myself. I have SA but I have it on the outside! We're probably all looking in the wrong perspective. SA should be on the outside.... No idea what that means....uh..
but it relates to my experience anyway. I don't mind what people think suddenly. That all happened within 2 months... As long as I have music though...that's pretty much essential otherwise I feel vulnerable.
I feel AMAZING deep inside on 100% personal matters. My music taste fascinates me, I've almost given myself some random form of synesthesia just by listening and loving my new tastes too much!! All thanks to Porcupine Tree. The ultimate....band.....for me. full stop. Then theres the writing music which I feel good about too.
Friends wise I'm utterly fucked. My scattered group of friends are literally hanging by a thread. The way they're all so nice, and don't judge people..that's great. But they say some pretty 'bad' things. As in rich kid kind of bad. Maybe some of you remember an old post about 2 of the being debaters. Well their jokes and general thoughts annoy me still. But they're the only people I have, and are definately sensible enough. They'rer good people.
But I don't feel I can trust them, they've done things behind my back and even they find it far too easy to ignore me. I'm sure lots of you can relate to that.
So basically, I'm socially doomed. Back when I thought I wasn't, I was almost happy. Though I realize now, I had nothing at heart. My music tastes weren't solid, I wasn't producing art I liked, and I just generally wasn't complete. So now that i've become detached, I realize there's nothing to fear. I'm complete, and It's fine with me.
From SAs point of view I can answer any question and feel good. That's the difference really. I'm rarely embarrassed. People shouldn't fear SA. My overnight phase of understanding myself has revealed myself. I have SA but I have it on the outside! We're probably all looking in the wrong perspective. SA should be on the outside.... No idea what that means....uh..
but it relates to my experience anyway. I don't mind what people think suddenly. That all happened within 2 months... As long as I have music though...that's pretty much essential otherwise I feel vulnerable.
