I'm over it

[circle]

Over five years ago now I found out there was a name for what I was feeling, that other people felt it too, and that it was possible to get over it. Since then I have been prescribed many drugs, seen many Councillors, psychologists, and therapists, read many self help books, had massive lows and massive highs, felt extreme loneliness and desperation, missed out on numerous relationships, given up on things I believed in and loved, given up and started more times than I can remember, but it has been worth it.

Since early teens I have been obsessed by the thoughts and opinions of other people, for 15 years I have woken every day and begun monitoring my every move in the world, every persons reaction to me, trying to act in a way that no one will judge me negatively, but ultimately constricting myself, and feeling the constant pain of 'not being me', making myself pretty sick as a result.

I'm now 27, have almost conquered my anxiety disorder, and am in the process of making up for lost time. Still pretty lonely, and although the task of finding a girlfriend for the first time in 6 years seems daunting, I'm quietly confident that I can do it!

The reason for leaving this message is that hopefully another 'me' in the depths of anxiety and panic will see it as I did all those years ago, and realise that you're not alone, it does suck, but you can get over it.

If anyone is interested in hearing about what helped me or anything else then just ask My areas of expertise are: social and general anxiety, obsessive fears of blushing, deep existential panic attacks, depersonalisation, physical reactions to anxiety such as constant puking, loss of use of legs, tinitus, insomnia, confusion and much more fun stuff!

 

[hoddesdon]

Well, I would be interested to know.

 

[deadend]

Let's hear it.

 

[pebblesdundee]

Please do tell

 

[Kiwong]

Well done on beating it. Good on you.

 

[Josette]

I'd like to hear more. I could use some inspiration.

 

[alanj]

"for 15 years I have woken every day and begun monitoring my every move in the world, every persons reaction to me, trying to act in a way that no one will judge me negatively, but ultimately constricting myself, and feeling the constant pain of 'not being me', making myself pretty sick as a result."

OMG, this is one of the best descriptions of SA that I have heard. That's what we do: we look to the external world for validation before we allow ourselves to relax and feel good. This completely outward looking focus is like we are always waiting for the Judges to come back with THEIR verdict, so we then get to find out if we get to feel good today or not. People, we just have it completely backwards.

Whether we start using Affirmations, Meditation, CBT or whatever, we just need to realise that no one is better than anyone else and that we do not need constant external validation.

 

[circle]

"for 15 years I have woken every day and begun monitoring my every move in the world, every persons reaction to me, trying to act in a way that no one will judge me negatively, but ultimately constricting myself, and feeling the constant pain of 'not being me', making myself pretty sick as a result."

OMG, this is one of the best descriptions of SA that I have heard. That's what we do: we look to the external world for validation before we allow ourselves to relax and feel good. This completely outward looking focus is like we are always waiting for the Judges to come back with THEIR verdict, so we then get to find out if we get to feel good today or not. People, we just have it completely backwards.

Whether we start using Affirmations, Meditation, CBT or whatever, we just need to realise that no one is better than anyone else and that we do not need constant external validation.

Exactly, you see yourself through the eyes of others, become a 'mind reader' (a very bad, obsessive one!).

 

[circle]

You have probably heard this stuff over and again, it is recycled information but I advocate it wholeheartedly.

The first major thing for me was to stop relying on medical professionals, no doctors, or psychologist, these people only know about anxiety disorders from what they've been told, I looked to people who had been through the disorder and had found answers. Ultimately I took responsibility for my getting better, it is no one else's problem. You are not responsible for starting the disorder, but you are responsible for maintaining it (albeit unconsciously). I think that is a very important part.

The second most important thing is to find the belief that you can get better, you will get nowhere if you do not believe you can do it. You can get better, no question about it, you need to find it to be true otherwise there is no point in trying.

Everything comes in waves, im sure you know this, you will not be on a constant course of improvement, you will feel better, but you will hit rock bottom again and lose all hope, but you will find your feet again and give it another go, you need to accept the low times will be there for a while but will gradually fade away. I have low times still but they are few and far between. When i first began 'self improving' I made the mistake of thinking I would never be anxious again, and when a good spell was followed by a bout of anxiety I would give up all hope of ever being better. You can save alot of the time I wasted by accepting the hiccups.

Thirdly, positive thinking and projection of a brighter future are so so important. If all you see is doom and gloom in the future, you will not be able to get motivated to change. The best way to get an image of where you want to be is to ask yourself questions. "If today was a perfect day, what would I be doing/where would I be/who would I be with?" keep that image as your goal, allowing yourself to believe it could be true will take practice. I used to be incredibly negative, think life was unfair, and people were all ****, it's just not true.

Fourthly, and importantly, 'doing stuff'. This will no doubt strike the worst of fears into your heart, but its an important ingredient! Sorry to break this to you. I was in your position a few years ago. I would be sick and the thought of leaving the house, then sick over and over again until I returned, until I gave up leaving the house altogether. I know where you are right now. But you need to put yourself in the situations you fear, over and over again. The trick is to not go into these situations thinking that if you **** it up (can't talk/go red/have a panic attack/ people laugh at you) that you've failed, but to go into these situations wanting your anxiety to kick in, wanting it to do its very worst. This sounds crazy but it is incredibly powerful, you are turning the tables on your anxiety by choosing to have it. Anxiety is perpetuated by your constant attempts to hide it and calm it down.

There is alot more I can write but I have run out of time, so if you find this useful please ask, I will probably go out of my way to help you :

Here are some extra bits!

*Drugs are useful for the initial boost to get out and face your fears, that is the only place they are intended for and should be used for, if the drug you are on is not helping you do this try something else.

*No doubt you will regret the years you have lost, but as long as you are alive now, no matter how old you are, you can start again.

*Make changes to you situation, if you see the same people every day or do the same things, make a change. the people that surround you will make it hard for you to improve, as they may tip toe around you or treat you as you anxious self and you will play into that. Change as much as you can.

*I found the linden method highly beneficial, but most of the information in there is freely available, and you have probalby heard it before, but the fact he is a guy who has genuinely got through his problems adds a lot of weight to it.

* learn to relax, properly relax, hypnotherapy cd's are awesome for this, also had a lot of benefit from paul mkenna cd's/books like instant confidence, or change your life in 7 days. Whilst not the instant fixes they claim to be, these contain a lot of good information about improving the way you think about yourself, and creating the image of a good future in your head. Relaxing takes practice, so practice..

* breathing techniques only ever made my panic worse, there is no quick way out of a panic attack, accept it's a panic attack, allow it to do its worst

bye

 

[carecrab]

*Drugs are useful for the initial boost to get out and face your fears, that is the only place they are intended for and should be used for, if the drug you are on is not helping you do this try something else.

Without it i would have never opened up as much to my best friends as i did, after that i didn't want to use it again it felt like drugs helped me open that door of friendship with them, and could now talk about anything with them.
And it was exactly like that.