Im not really too shy, just awkward....

ThatIcyGuy

New member
I dont know, Ive read many stories on here and now I know my SA is not nearly as bad as It could be.... but its pretty dang bad. Ok so have a good amount of friends at my highschool, and im on the baseball team. I usually like presenting things and like being at the center of attention (unless it is for a negative reason.) Most of my friends think I am somewhat hyper and a funny person. I dont have many female friends though. I have a good amount of female acquaintances I guess. Im usually alot more awkward around them though. Ive noticed that a lot of people at school know who I am before I actually meet them. I have a lot of friends but I wouldnt call most of them good friends but I would not call them acquaintances. I usually talk to them a lot in class or at practice and on Xbox and facebook and stuff but I dont hang out with them much. I pretty much have one friend at my school who I constantly hang out with (which im greatful for that) and he is usually there everyday so im not lonely lol. I have a good amount of friends at my school who are considered "popular" and Im in pictures with them and stuff on facebook and we comment on eachothers stuff so im guessing thats how most people I dont know well know me. And they usually have alot of stories to tell involving me.

It feels like I have such a social family and everyone has such high expectations of me. School is a big thing in that considering my brother is extremely popular at the school I guess people expect me to be too. Again I have a good amount of friends but not many good friends. I only made a couple of good friends while at the school but again there is only one I see throughout the day and hes my only good friend who has the same lunch as me. Most of my baseball team has my lunch too so I can go to them and talk but I do feel left out sometimes. I guess I hang out with them at school but never outside of school. I barely go out. I have really good friends who Ive made in elementary/middle school that go to nearby schools that I call on the phone and talk to. Thats pretty much what Im doing all day in summer right now. Just playing videogames and talking on the phone and I go to the gym at leas 4 times a week.

Ok sorry, alot of that stuff might have sounded good but I wanted to get that out of the way. A lot of my friends Ive made when I was younger and a gained new friends by meeting their friends and so on. It seems like I cant make them on my own. always early in the day I will be really jittery when talking to people in person that is not my family. Its kind of like I have to warm up. I'll be fine if im with some of my friends for a while but If they try to talk to girls or something I will always find my way out of it. I cannot talk to girls most of the time at all. Especially if they are trying to hit on me or something I get so shakey and I start stuttering and I say the stupidest stuff. If I do make friends who are girls or most any friends for that matter it has to start out on casual circumstances. I cannon force a conversation for my life. There are always awkward silences. I get so shakey and jittery if im in a big group of people unless they are all friends.

Ok I dont know, I'm making this sound to positive, but its really not. There have been some girls who I have known who have interest in me but im just so awkward. I wouldnt exactly say I am shy, just awkward. Maybe a bit shy too but thats definitely not the main problem. I just cant carry on conversations unless its with good friends or some of my normal friends because we already have a lot to talk about. But I will always say stupid stuff if its with someone I dont know and I will be twitchy. Especially if its with a girl and they are trying to talk to me about something then I will end up lying and saying something like "oh yeah something like that happened to me before too!" and then I will quickly try to make up a story and half the time it just sounds dumb. I guess mostly I just have bad conversation skills. I could never see my self going to a party (unless if it is just a casual party with friends which I sometimes go to,) but I mean like a party party. I dont have much interest in going to one anyway. Everyone knows me as the good kid who probably would not want to go to a party like that anyway, but even if I did I definitely do NOT have the social skills for it anyway. I cannot conversate with random people. Not in that kind of environment at least.

I guess I dont have it as bad as a lot of you but I have done a couple things that some people here do. I have sat in the bathroom most of the lunch like 2 times before. There was a period were I NEVER wore shorts (I just started to recently) and I ALWAYS used to were jackets. Not because I was extra hairy or anything. I just feel more comfortable with that stuff. I guess it just feels like it covers me up more so I feel more... I dont know how to explain it, I just makes me feel more comfortable in social situations I guess. I dont think im an ugly person. I dont think im the most handsome person either but I have had some girls tell me Im cute and Ive heard from other people what some girls have said about me but yeah....

Im really worried for my future though. Im planning to play college baseball and eventually be in the pros. But I really want to be a video game designer too. I cant do both. My bro already got a full ride to a college for baseball and might be drafted within the next couple of years. I think I could do that too but I dont have the social skills for that kind of lifestyle.... I wouldnt worry much about my future if I was definitely planning on just living a normal life lol, but my family is really supporting me bring a pro baseball player and I kind of do want to be but there is so much social interactions involved. My brother talked to the coach for a while and my family and I were in the room as well and he had no problem talking. I'd think if that were me, well I guess I'd be OKAY if he were talkin all business but that coach was joking around alot and I dont know why but I CANNOT joke around with adults. I always end up looking stupid somehow. Some of my friends parents think im crazy lol. Well its always the dads, I can talk to moms fine. Its only like 2 specific parents though who probably think im crazy.

And another BIG problem that I have is, well I dont know exactly what to call it so I'll just explain it. Sometimes if a girl says hi to me when we are walking by I'll stutter on my response or something like that. Or If I give one a hug, half the time I wont know exactly when they are trying to give me a hug so I will kind of twitch before they do it, or we will both go in the same direction or something. And if im trying to handshake someone (not a formal handshake just like a casual one) alot of the time I will do a different handshake than what they are doing and its just wierd. And people always catch me off guard, like If we walk by at school and I dont see him or her I will here them say hi or wave to me and I will see it out the corner of my eye but then we already walked passed eachother and its kind of too late for me to respond at that point. That mostly on happens with people who are not much of my friend though.

And another thing. I suck at remembering girls faces the first couple of times I meet them. Well I guess about 70% I do remember but it will be wierd with the other 30%. They ALWAYS remember me but sometimes I wont exactly recognize them. They'll say hi and say my name and then I'll just say hi back. And sometimes if they ask me if I remember their name I'll say no or I'll get the name wrong or something.

Ok, Ive completely lost my mind for a moment. I was just typing and wasnt thinking lol. I just wrote whatever came to mind, I guess I kind of just needed to vent but whatev. SA sucks. End of story lol. Sorry for the typos I may have.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
Hi, I guess the only way to get better is to keep practicing. Try to realise that girls are just like your other friends, maybe you can try talking to them casually first. Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure everyone forgets names or faces to an extent.
 
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