i'm not normal anymore

[lavreeves]

i feel so sick now. i didn't talked to strangers for months. i actually take a semester break from my university cos i can't stand being there. i've no friends and i found it so difficult to make contacts with others. especially when it comes to group works.

my problem is i'm so scared of rejection. i have no confident at all when it comes to a matter of communication with strangers. if it's a total stranger, i think it's fine. but when it comes to strangers that have seen me all this time, i just cant handle it. i feel like these people has judging me all this time.

i hate to be at the centre of attention. i cant handle it. i hate it when people treat me like im not important. i hate the possibilities to be ignored.

i even scared of phone calls. everytime when i got a call from unknown numbers, i'm gonna feel like they are calling me to tell bad news. i hate unknown numbers so much!

i have this feelings like, i hate rejection. i feel like, whenever im in public, making contact with anyone, that person's gonna annoy me and make me down. so, before it all happen. i withdraw myself first.

i dont know. i'm so mixed up. and i hate living like this. my life is miserable enough. im even afraid of posting this thread here cos im afraid of being hurt. i tried to protect myself so much.

i wish i could get my normal life back. but i just dont know how.

ps: sorry about my english

 

[deleted user 1]

I have the same thing. In terms of rebuilding communication skills, I found this helpful:

Conversation techniques

Regarding the rejection, why do you feel this? at one point in your life did you begin to fear rejection? Identifying the source and resolving that can go a long way to healing emotionally. I'm going to send you a link to that.

 

[lavreeves]

well, thank you for replying. i just feel like the world hates me. and im trying so hard to run away from reality.

thanks for the link. never even think about it before. i'll try to read that. i'll be going back to the university. hopefully it could help.

 

[3lefts]

Try to focus more on what makes you happy, and less on everyone's judgement of you. You are alive right now and you're meant to live, what does living mean to you?
Unless you want to be withdrawn forever you're going to have to find something you want and fight for it. You'll be fine. Even when rejected, because it happens to ALL of us. No one is any different from you in worth or meaning. You reject people as well, think of that. It's just what happens. But there will always be the people that we get along with and they're easy to find when you let it happen.
"Geniuses will build roads with the rocks we throw at them."
If we were all to give up because of rejection, we'd never accomplish our ideas, visions, goals or dreams. We'd never live to fulfilment.

 

[Smurfette]

Your english is great. Understood everything. Just wanted to state that the more u try to protect yourself, the more u will get hurt.

But u confuse me when u say u hate being the center of attention and then go on to say u hate being ignored. If people will acknowledge u (therefore not being ignored), you will be the center of attention. So be prepared for that.

 

[Feathers]

I can relate to some of what you wrote... I hate rejection/criticism too, have you looked at avoidant disorder?

Are you interested in what you have been studying? Maybe some other course would be better? Universities and colleges are different: some are more friendly, some may have more 'snobbish' people..

Luckily there is a rainbow of possibilities between 'being the center of attention' and 'being ignored'... Lots of possibilities inbetween.. You can be just casual acquaintances and excuse yourself if you don't like it anymore, and maybe talk again later.. And then see what the people are like and if you have any common interests...

Did you live in a dorm or a private room? It really depends what kind of neighbours/flatmates/roommates you have! If you can talk to them or go places with them.. You can move elsewhere anyway!

I don't like unknown numbers either. some people tell me they just don't answer unknown numbers.. (Some of these are really cool sociable people too..)

Maybe you had bad experience with people before.. Some books may help you, or some counselling or such..

Mostly people think about themselves and their own problems!! It's important to remember this!! And if you talk about what is interesting to them, they will not think about you at all or will think you are a great person!!