I'm losing my mind

[Falkor]

Hi everyone,

I had a girlfriend, who was really lovely. She was so understandable towards my SA and bipolar disorder, she was always there with me, everywhere I went. She gave me amazing two years, we had wonderful romance and talked about everything, she is a very bright open minded thinker, she can talk about anything what's on my mind. It makes me feel so good

But anyways, we do have differences. And things I have to deal with. She wants to emigrate to the other side of the world, and she goes whether I want it or not, it's a big step for me, but I do like it. But the downside is, she is not a family person, while I am, she has a hard time living together in one house, because she needs space (she has asperger's syndrome) and I love being together, you could consider me being a little bit clingy and she is wanting space. So it's very hard combination Borderline VS asperger. and she does want to work on it, but yet she says she will always be a person who is a for example work a holic , so she spents a lot of time on working while I rather want to be together in harmony, have kids in the future (she finds that hard), and have pets (also that). I have a different perpective (?)

My parents tell me, she was capable of my Borderline personality disorder, I have heavy outburts, and she always supported me while other people would turn me down/ But the only downside of her being so relaxed all the time, is that she can be less enthusiastic and she puts herself first, like she sometimes does not get my emotions.

For example, with old year's eve, she was spending time at her PC until 2 AM, while at 12 AM I heard all the fire works and I was crying at her back, and I said , sweety can we please celebrate? I feel so lonely, she said no I have to work, I felt mad and said to her I find this important! Then she said, ok only 5 minutes then on the balcony we watch. I said well then just forget it! I need you to HEAR what my hearts wants, she said Well, just celebrate it with your family next time then. Ohhhgg,, I said you know, I just leave. and I packed my stuff and went to a friend.

Since then I thought I was not happy about this situation, I want her to hear what I need, but she always puts herself first, and it's frustrating But yet she is so kind and sweet! I love her romance and her tiger passionate loving haha, and her love of life. I love her til death.

Uhmmmm, but now another thing happened.

I met this girl on the chat, she is super in love with me, we met for 2 days, just as friends. in a restaurant we talked for 6 hours and she was so much more capable of giving me the love I needed what I missed with my ex. I was like, wow... that's amazing. So I fell in love with her.

But now the problem comes:

I am still so afraid of losing my ex (she still wants me back, if I put this girl out of my mind, but yet of course I need to accept her not giving me all I want) but yet I want to know if this girl really can give me what I want.

But I am really doubting what I should do.

There are 2 options i'm considering:

1. Go for my ex, take her back into a relationship or she takes me, however we do it (she's open for it), I forget about ''that girl'', I will emigrate with her and maybe have a chance of being unhappy that she does not give me the 100 %, but yet have amazing romantic times?????

2. Go for the other girl and have the fear of that it would not work out..I hope it does! (only known her for 2 days), but she's kind/

Do you guys have any advice? I'm losing my mind.

I am suicidal the last couple of days, because I am losing my ex. She's incredible... But I know I need to make a decision....But it's a big big decision.

Thank you!

 

[Falkor]

Can you emigrate with her? I'm assuming that you are on state handouts that you wouldn't be getting on the other side of the world (guessing from previous posts). Would you have to marry her just to get into the country? Would she mind being supporting the pair of you.

You need an honest pros and cons list of just going abroad long term. I mean where's she going? If it's south east asia you might be able to afford to go for a few months and see if you can settle, or if it's Japan you might need to be quite rich to do that.

If she thinks you're clingy now wait till you don't know anyone else and can't speak the language.

I know you should follow your heart but all logic suggests hook up with the other girl if the move abroad is technically impossible.

I hope you get through it okay.

She wants to move to Canada, Vancouver.

She can sponso\r me, is what she says. Or I get a student visa (i think?) Or Indeed, I should marry her. But as you can read, I love her so that's no problem.

I am clingy indeed, but I can speak English.

Yeah I don't if it's possible for real, haven't been through the emigration process since my girlfriend doesn't have the money yet (11.000 euro's), she does not have a job atm because of her Asperger's, but I think she will manage to find a new job.

I don't know what I should do. My ex is the most reliable person I know and she always is so understandable, unless the old years eve and some other things I wish she could support me with. That led me to the other girl, but I am pretty much thinking I should give my ex the time to work on herself and that I would be in a relationship with her again? But I wonder how succesfull things will become for me,, i can't, so I'd rather save myself that broken heart, I guess that's the whole thought beyond it, why I wanted to break up.

But yet, I would love to get her back, but uhm, yeah, I need more security, I am sure if I know things will work out, I am totally happy being with this amazing person I've known for 2 years..... forever.

 

[knr9311]

You forgot that you have another option: neither of them.

Sometimes it's hard to be on your own, but sometimes going from one relationship to another is not the best.

I'm sorry if this was not much help.

 

[Falkor]

You forgot that you have another option: neither of them.

Sometimes it's hard to be on your own, but sometimes going from one relationship to another is not the best.

I'm sorry if this was not much help.

That is another option indeed. I think It's hard for me to handle though. I can't bare being single. Since I had a relationship from my 18th til 20th, It's like I can't live without my girlfriend. It's so weird that I can't be on my own. It's like my whole basis of life was based on her. The source of my happiness was her, Because my life is just crap, I don't have school, a job, anything, the only one who could actually make me happy was her.

I really hate my life.

 

[knr9311]

That is another option indeed. I think It's hard for me to handle though. I can't bare being single. Since I had a relationship from my 18th til 20th, It's like I can't live without my girlfriend. It's so weird that I can't be on my own. It's like my whole basis of life was based on her. The source of my happiness was her, Because my life is just crap, I don't have school, a job, anything, the only one who could actually make me happy was her.

I really hate my life.

I have a friend kind of like that. I can't say that I totally understand because I've never been that type really, but in a way, I can see how it would be scary after everything to go back on your own. It's kind of like you have to find yourself again. You can always try to find things that make you happy with yourself. Maybe you could start school or get a job. Sometimes even just a hobby that I enjoy makes me feel happy. It takes time though, of course.

 

[Falkor]

Oh yeah, another reason why we broke up, is because I am transgender and she's gay. so just saying that there are a variety of reasons. But this reason is too hard for me to neglect, I need to be myself..

I should be myself...