I'm in heaven

[renegade]

Hi guys, this has been the most happiest week of my life

There is this girl i've been talking online for 3 months now and she just recently broke up. He was an asshole, btw.

Anyway, we were just friends, but after this we began to feel more than friendship for each other

So we are like online lovers for like a week or so, we talk on yahoo messenger for hours. We give each other hundreds of SMSs, we like each other and send love virtual postcards.

I even managed to tak to her on the phone 8O

I told her I have no friends and never had a gf and have sp and she was very understanding 8)

So, The first call I made I only managed to tell her ''I love U''.
The second one lasted a minute or so and I managed to get a few words out.
But boy, the third one was 58 min long 8O and i only felt a little anxious, but it seemed to me like 10 min. I think time passes quickly when u talk 2 a girl u like.

She wants to come to spend xmass with me so much, but her parents won't let her. She is from another city, but in the same country. So I shall fuck this SP and go meet this girl I fell in love with, even if it means fainting in front of her when she tries to hug me or kiss me, she knows about my sp and told me we shall take it easy :wink: I'm NOT going to let this SP ruin this oportunity for me, cause it might be once in a life time.

Guys, I feel like floating, I forgot about what depression is like, it feels wonderfull to feel loved by someone, it's the most beautifull feeling in the world. It's the most pleasent thing that happened to me in this 20 years.

She sent me gifts and love letters, a picture , a mouse with a pillow saying I love u , a picture of her, (boy she is beautifull) and some symbolic things. I told her all I want from her is her true love, nothing else.

I sent her gifts too, a teddy bear and a pillow with the inscription I love u, and a xmass tree in miniature.

Wish me luck guys, tomorow I'm going to meet her face to face, if she is dissapointed in me I guess I'll go crazy or go through a severe depression again, or worse, commit.....

She told me like a thousand time that i'm special and handsome and smart and I mean a lot to her and she loves me very much and she thinks of me all the time.

For all of those who belive there is no hope, keep searching and u will find what u want.....THERE IS HOPE PEOPLE, i kept trying and finnaly made it (well, partially) but I'm in 7 heaven for the last 10 days or so. I'm in love.

I wish u all the same thing, to find true love and hapiness, and remember, hope never dies, there is someone for everybody out there, i didn't belive it myself before i met this girl, but i was so wrong....

Take care
Renegade

 

[Chilling__Echo]

wooooooo

i don't have a whole lot to say, but congrats renegade!!! i hope all goes well - i'm sure it will be great and good for you for stepping outside your bubble (twice) have fun

 

[Angie_05]

Congrats on your new love! I say enjoy it because the beginning is the most fun. These are memories you will have forever.

 

[jamez]

Whoa...go easy...lol

Anyhow, congratz and hopefully everything works out for ya. We're all rooting for ya. Cheers.

 

[abc1234]

good for u man im so happy for u hope everything works out.go on yahoo sometime u havent been on for like every id really like to hear about it kay later man.and again congrats and wow im just so shocked that is really awsome hope everything goes smoothly kay late

 

[justsomebloke25]

Congrats Renegade! Hope it all works out

 

[lostboi]

Hey good for you renegade man! Congrats just remember to take it slow.. I'm really happy for you!

 

[renegade]

..please tell me how, anytime i see a telephone i just see it as R2D2 or some kind of werd and annoying machine and have probs imaging there's somebody at the other side. (but anyway that's another story).

Well. if you talk to somebody that much on chat, i mean like 3 months as I did, and you tell her you have sp and you're not comfortable talking on the phone, the person understands. (well, she understood)

I took it gradually, of course I am anxious while doing this , bbtw she is a very talkative girl and she does most of the talking

And I guess this new pills really did the job of taking the edge of my anxiety.

Chilling__Echo, thx :wink: I hope it all goes according to plan (i don't have a plan, i'm going to let the flow take me, do what i feel)

Angie_05, this is the happiest moment of my life and I'm sure it will be there in my memory forever.

james, don't worry, i'll take it easy, my sp will help me with that i'm sure. and thank you for the support

worrydoll, she is a very nice girl :lol: (i know you haven't meant that)

chavette, i found her on the public chat and we gave each other the yahoo mess id's and we talked all night, for like 9 hours until we were so tired and sleepy and couldn't type anymore :roll:

abc1234, i hope that too, and i hope u get to meet that girl u showed me cause she is worth it, remember, money and distance does not matter when it comes to these kind of things, talk 2 u more on mess when i have more time, see u pal :wink:

Once again, thank you all for your support and I hope it turns out ok cause i'm sick of online love life.

Wish me luck, lol , she has 2 sisters, one 22 years and the other 18, really hot chicks that will rise my anxiety to the roof , and I have to introduce myself to her parents :x , this will be the hardest part of all i guess, but......in the end i hope to actually get a real girlfriend

I'll let u know how things work out. Oh, and Merry Christmas people

 

[abc1234]

yo renegade what is up my friend want to chat on yahoo?

 

[renegade]

sorry man, my train is leaving soon , got to pack :wink:

hope i'll find you online when i get the chance to go to a local internet cafe good luck, pal

 

[introvert]

Good luck Renegade, even if it doesn't work out, at least you now know there is hope.

 

[Scottish_Player]

Wish me luck, lol , she has 2 sisters, one 22 years and the other 18, really hot chicks that will rise my anxiety to the roof

Are her sisters into SP suffrers too? If so then can you pass on my info :lol:

All the best with it, you just put a big smile on my face with your story

 

[logitechdog]

not to be funny or anything but if u havent chated with her on a webcam then i would not keep your hopes too high as i have delt with alot of people online and i know theres alot of fakes out there, make sure u tell someone where u are and where your going and only meet her in a public place... might sound stupid but u will thank u done it just incase.. as i have talked to people for 4 + months and been through the same as you but good luck anyway and be safe..

 

[kody]

congratulations
i do hope you all the best
however, don't make her into a all or nothing. She mite not be right for you, things might not work out. Thats ok though, whatever happens, it will give you a boost of confidence.

kody.

 

[renegade]

Are her sisters into SP suffrers too? If so then can you pass on my info

All the best with it, you just put a big smile on my face with your story

Well, her sisters don't know about SP, but they are now coupled.
I'm glad I made you smile :wink: You just got to find the right person.

She mite not be right for you, things might not work out. Thats ok though, whatever happens, it will give you a boost of confidence.

kody.

Very true, it didn't work out in the end, but it gave me like an infinite boost of confidence and a reason to go on with my life

So here is the story, for those of you who are interested.

You remember me packing before xmass. I travelled during night, 8 hours by train and couldn't sleep but 2 hours thinking about meeting her.

I told her to stay at home and get some rest , not wait for me in the train station cause I'll make my way through the city to her adress.

I was imagining all kind of catastrophic scenarios when she will see my avoidant and weird behavior or dreaming about the scene where all goes well and I will be able to act naturally (I put all my hope in the pills to achive a normal human behavior). :?

So there I was at the train station, she was obviosly waiting for me with her 22 year old sister and her mother. Oh, and I forgot to mention, my mother came with me to meet her parents, but that didn't help that much, cause I was the center of attention there and all eyes were on me.

So there I was, looking for her in the train station and instantly I recognized her from the crowd. The walk to her seemed like hours, with her and her family looking at me. She had a not so good look on her face cause my stupid brain thought of a stupid and sadistic joke when the train arrived in the station like.

The joke was like this, on the phone: If I arrived in your city ? What for ? I arrived at my grandparents Well, that was when I realized she doesn't apreccite jokes like this. That was very rude of me, I must admit. When she heard this, she hung up on me and headed strait for a taxi. If I wouldn't call her back wright away to tell her I was only kidding I might have lost her forever

So, overall, the meeting went well, and she sat next to me in the taxi during the whole trip to her place. I couldn't get too much words out, but she knew about my condition and understood.

When I arrived at her appartment, we sat and had breakfast. That was the moment when my anxiety was reaching the roof, I was expected to talk about my self cause I was the subject there The pills helped me to hide the pshisical symptoms, so that scene went.....not so bad. Hopefully, she told her mother about my SP, inspite of the fact that I made her promise not to tell anyone. Her mother understood too, as I noticed and didn't asked me too many questions.

Btw, she is the kind of person that can monopolise a group conversation, it's her nature. So she mosty did the talking

Ok, so I made it through the breakfast without making a fool of myself. I said to her that I was tired and wanted to sleep for like 3 or 4 hours.

She took me to her room to sleep in her bed. As i laid down and tried to fall asleep, she was looking at me, smiling... That moment I will never forget, she had a pretty face like an agel, the ray of the sun were going trrough her beautiful hair, and those eyes.... 8O heaven, what can I say. Just looking in her eyes and smiling at each other was the most magical moment I ever experienced. The room was filled with love...

Of course I couldn't get sleep cause she wes very distracting, she has this charm and way of being that many girls don't have. I began to feel confortable and we began talking about all stuff. I was cold and distant at first, but with time I began to show some affection.

After that we went out with her mother and my mother, but we left them behind and i started asking her paranoic question like: what do u see in me ? why did u chose me ? what do i have so interesting ? and she assured me she likes me the way i am and with my sp. We say the city and began talking about arhitecture and stuff.

Then we went to a local restaurant to eat some cakes. All 4 of us. I couldn't get a word out the whole time we sat at the table, and i asked her if she felt ashamed with me, and her answer was : i don't care about what others say, as long as i love you the way you are...anybody can say what they want, i will ignore them.

So it was getting late and we had to get home. The 2 of us retreated in a separate room to talk some more. I told her to take it easy with me cause of my condition and cause it was my first experience with girls (excepting that prostitute) and she bahaved like the most understanding and pacient person i ever met.

She was so cute and made me feel so comfortable, taking it slow, first we hold hands, then she asked me to massage her back. After that we continued talking and as we were both lying in bed we began to get closer and closer.....i mean she slowly got closer to me :lol: i was in retreat.

After an hour or two we began cuddling and stuff, she got on top of me and we stood there looking each other in the eyes for several minutes...pure magic

So the kiss came naturally, and it seems it's not so hard as i imagined. So I got really excited and as you know I was holding her in my arms and kissing her like lovers do. We sat there cuddling and kissing for like 5 hours, but that seemed to me like 2 hours. The next day in the morning I had to leave

So I spent xmass at my grandparents but she was always in my mind...so here is where the phone comes in handy :lol:

Nevermind xmass, all i wanted was to be with her. She invited me to spent new years eve at a rented apartment. Those days were the most wonderfull days of my life, just the two of us. That was the moment were we discovered how much we have in common, she started one phrase and i ended it...it was like one mind in two boddies We both like the same colors, the same music, the same stuff....I couldn't belive it 8O

We went through a lot of shops and our tastes were in most cases the same That made me wonder about soulmates :roll:

That was the last time I had her by my side, after that I was left with the phone and yahoo messenger....till 2 days ago when I decided I can't continue this relashionship cause not having her by my side made me suffer and I couldn't handle it...

So this is the part when I saw if that was it worth it . IT WAS. I'm reborn, I'm a new man, I'm starting life again knowing THERE IS HOPE THAT CAN BECOME REALITY.

Of course it's hard to forget her and those magical moments we had, but it is better that way. This is the way distance can tear apart a relashionsip, my friends. If we were from the same city my whole life was a nice dream.

I know it's hard to find a girl like her cause she was really special. We are still friends though, but we still love eachother and try to get over it.

But that was the milestone of my life. This is how a person can change your life completley.

Thanx for everyone who read this.

Now I'm going to meet another online contact...but first I must get her out of my mind , it's so hard

If I could , I would move with college in her town, the other way around isn't posible cause her parents won't let her, she's 19 btw.

Any solution my friends ? Should I switch college for her ? My heart tells me YES, but my parents and my brain sais NO.

What do u suggest guys ? We both want to be toghether...

 

[SilentOutlaw]

That was a very interesting and uplifting love story, until the part when you had to leave her. If I was in this situation and had found the woman of my dreams, who actually understood and accepted me and my social anxiety. There would be no question what I would do. I would definately do whatever I could to be with this person, but that is just what I would do. Is the college you will be attending in your area better for the courses you are looking to take?. Is the college in her area any worse for these courses?. Can you afford to move and live in her city?. If there is not a significant difference in the colleges, and you can afford to move, I would definately go for it. Again that is just my opinion. Good luck to you whatever you choose.

 

[allanboy]

Lucky bastard. The biggest smile appeared in my face while reading through your post . Must have been nice as hell.

As for advice... If you go stay with her, what will you do for a living over there? If you stay at your place, will you still be able to see her, at least sometimes?
One monster of a dilemma.

 

[renegade]

Silent Outlaw, the college I'm following guarantees a very very well paid job, cause my country is a poor one with low incoms from witch you can barely provide your food, clothes and conditions.

So this college is a must. It is unique In Romania, found only in my city. But her college can be done here here in Bucharest cause they have the kind of stuff she does here as well.

So it's more probbably she will move with school and she can stay at my place. I'm not sure what her parents wll have to say about this.

But if i'll go near to insane about her I'll fuck this college and move there, get a part time job to have money to pay for food and shelter and start a new one the.

I don't know, it must have been too perfect to be from the same city.

Right now I'm trying to forget her, but that is hard. We still talk on messenger as friends but feel much more for eachother.



Allanboy, it was nice as HEAVEN And I agree I am one lucky bastard and I wish u to be more of a lucky bastard than me :wink:

But I guess the best solution is to find myself one from my city. I don't have the money to go visit her but for once a month, and a couple a days it's not enough...

I guess it's a lost relashionship unlesss one of of is going to move to other's city. We'll see. I hope it will end up ok.[/b]

 

[sensitive]

I am not going to comment about the topic. I am surprised to know that you are from Romania since most members here are from the US, UK, Australia and Canada.

I am from Middle East and feel happy to see people from other regions . and good luck with that girl, mate.

 

[renegadee]

UPDATE: i'm in hell :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: