I'm at the end of my rope...

[2shy4myowngood]

...and I don't know what to do. I'm sure other people have experienced this; I feel like I've screwed up my life. I always feel like when I start a new situation, I will be fine and I won't embarass myself, but it never ends up happening. I end up doing something incredibly stupid and I then have huge anxiety in the atmosphere where I messed up. Example: school. I go to a really small campus. I'm considering *not* going back because I feel as if I can't face anyone there anymore. I have a lot of anxiety and I used to drink to cover it up (not alone or on weekdays, but weekends with friends). After drinking, I seriously became such an extreme person. I was *never* violent...moreso that all of my emotions came through when I drank because I hid them otherwise. I wanted to talk to *everyone* whenever I was a little tipsy or drunk and that's what I did. Needless to say, I did some really embarassing things. I also contacted people that I rarely talked to on campus when I was drunk and said some really stupid things. Due to that and a lot of other reasons (my anxiety disorder!), I'm *so* nervous to go back to school. The only thing keeping me sane is the thought of seeing friends again. But, even that makes me so nervous. I am mostly anxious around people that I know or acquaintances. I feel as if everybody is always trying to figure me out because I'm such a *mystery* that people don't understand.

Ugh, I felt fine at the beginning of the summer. I always feel like I have so much time to pull things together but then...time catches up with me and I still haven't fixed anything. I'm finding that the date for returning back to school is coming closer and closer and I feel more anxious everyday. But I also feel like I have to finish my college years off because I need to prove to myself that I don't always run away from my problems. The answer to everything in my life has always been, avoid, avoid, avoid. If I don't want to talk to somebody, I always avoid them. If I'm embarassed about something I did, I always avoid anybody involved. Now this coming school year, I am going to constantly be running into people that I want to avoid, but due to the small size of campus, I literally can't. What should I do? What should I do when I run into somebody that I said something really embarassing to? What should I do when I run into people that constantly ask me questions about my life? I hate that, too and people always seem to do that. I hate being put on the spot. I don't know if I should even bother going back because honestly, these things will always be on my mind. Please help!

 

[B]

I felt the exact same way at school and even work: It sucked being asked about my life when I didn't have one. It was sort of like adding salt to the wound. It would be good to talk to a doctor, or even better, a therapist about this.

 

[thequietone]

This sounds a lot like me accept I don't need alcohol to screw up my life.... :roll: I make dumb mistakes completely sober...I do feel the temptation to get drunk though, thinking that it will loosen me up, help me express myself and let me have some FUN, but I know I'll just get hooked.

The answer to everything in my life has always been, avoid, avoid, avoid. If I don't want to talk to somebody, I always avoid them. If I'm embarassed about something I did, I always avoid anybody involved.

Avoid has always been my answer to problems too. but although it's the easiest, avoidance is not really a solution. It adds to the problem.
I made the mistake of trying to move away from home and try out "college life" before I was ready. To make a long story short, I moved back shortly after, a total wreck, and I still am avoiding almost anyone who knew of my decision to come back home. I felt like I failed and everyone knew it, when the truth is they don't care half as much as I do! So I know what it's like to be absolutely terrified of running into people.

Therapy is never a bad idea. In fact, once I found the right therapist, I have been slowly working through this. It does help. My advice is to not be down on yourself. Cut yourself some slack, you've been through a lot. Remember, this is your life, it belongs to you and with determination you can change it.