I'm 19 going on 20 and looking back - it doesn't look good

[Gonzo]

Hey all

Just seen this place and thought it would be a nice place to vent
I think I need it and it cheaper than counsiling I guess :lol:

sorry to sound like alittle down when I say this, but
Have any gone on a myspace or bebo site and you feel like shit because every one seems to be having a better life than you so far?
I don't have anywere near as that many photos of my self in my teenage years I think I have 5 photos from my teenage years.


I think I do have a social phobia problem or maybe thats to strong i'm not sure wether it's a phobia or I yearn it but it seems being social is something I want and block at the same time, I guess you can decide what I am.

I'm 19yo guy goin on 20 and I'm looking back at my teenage years and it ain't looking good.

So i'm looking back at myself alittle now and thought it would be nice to get this written down so I don't have to keep thinkin about it.

Since my high school years wasn't that great socially in my early years of high school I was bullied alot since I was VERY shy/outa place since the high school I was in was pretty rough, and I didn't feel like one of them and during this time it was chav hell but that quited down fast when I realised how to put a mask on and not be me and blended.

I learned how to bottle things up which evidently later on has turned out to be an anger problem with me were I can just loose it and go ape shit and hit some one over a joke or anything that makes me feel that people are tryin to put me down, I have been learning to controll it better though and doesn't happen alot anymore which is great.

Not sure if any one else has encounterd this but me but I seemed to atract friends that were more high school friends that actual friends I could actually depend on for example Summer holidays we would go out for the 6 weeks but after school it just seemed like every one was doin something else weekends very rarley we went out more high school friends than anything

As for girlfriends in highschool I can only count 1 if I could call that a real girlfriend ended in like 3 weeks but was fun I guess, which was because I was shy and because the girl was a bike I guess :lol:

never really liked her, more with my downstairs head than my top one I guess :roll:

But there was a few girls that I did actually Like but never really had the confidence and in a way still don't since I dunno what to say most of the time. and it's turning out to be a real problem at the moment since the only way I can tell a girl I like her is giving her a dead leg
pretty outdated eh? :lol:

I started goin to partys until year the end of year 11 (last year of high school) which is my mainly cherished memories of my teenage years since every one got on alittle more.

As for college I love it, I have a great friends were my mask isn't up
and we go out quite alot but it seems to be straight after college but were arranging to go clubbin soon that will be cool I guess So thats alright but it's on the holidays were we don't even see eachother but gettin a car soon so hopefully my social life can have some life in it

Would love to know if people have had same problems or any comments would be great

Thanks for taking the time to read alittle bit about me this is the sort of stuff I would tell a stranger and no one else since this stuff is so dam personall strange I feel more comfortable like that :lol:

 

[silentbutdeadly]

I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I actually turned 20 today myself (holy crap I just realized I'm 20 :? ). I definitely have that same feeling of envy about photos and myspace etc. It's great that you've found friends that you can be yourself around. My problem is a complete inability to open myself up to others. I wasn't physically abused or anything, just mainly being socially phobic and knowing that I was socially phobic, and therefore knowing that I'm so different from 99% of the people around me. I've had some good friends over the years, but I only ever had 1 or 2 at a time.

I have anger management problems too. I tend to bottle everything up until I'm ready to explode. It doesn't help that I'm passive as hell and tend to take other people's BS when they need someone to take out their frustrations on.

I've actually never had a girlfriend, even though people have told me that I'm attractive, and I've known several girls who've been openly interested. I think I've been too afraid of being rejected. I think I was subconsciously thinking, "Once she gets to know how utterly shy and closed-up I am she'll dump me." I think this is also why I have trouble making even regular friends.

You mention wanting to have a car.... Well I have a car, but I don't really use it as a social tool. For me, it's kind of like having a cellphone...people make the assumption that I'm a social person because I have one. I then try to hide the fact that I have one, which makes having one just another form of embarrassment.

Well, sorry for using a reply to your post as a place for me to vent on my own problems. But anyways, you're definitely not the only one to have the problems/feelings that you've listed.

 

[Gonzo]

''it's kind of like having a cellphone...people make the assumption that I'm a social person because I have one. I then try to hide the fact that I have one, which makes having one just another form of embarrassment. ''

This is also totally me I have a mobile phone, but I hardly ever use it can totally get were your commin from, think I should start using it alittle more might help me out gotta keep fightin my fear

and the girl thing I do get you. The rejection is what seems so dam unberable the one girl in high school was just all over me and made it overly obvious. so had no real pick up skills from me hehe, but I feel in the same boat, and sometimes takes a girls kindness like ooo theres a chance which is just me just likin to some one givin me some attention, but at the same time I will do nothing about it :roll:

thanks for your views man alot like mine

 

[Generical]

Yeah i got similar problems, although ive always managed to have friends, so i guess im damn lucky. And with the girlfriend situation, never had one...like most people on here have been said im attractive or nice or whatever but that'll just make me run lol.....well maybe not run but you get what i mean. Having close relationships i guess is just one of the hardest things for excessivelly shy people, just cant get anywhere when your too nervous that you freeze........then go red, look at the floor, no eye contact blah blah blah...........hahaha kinda funny really. The thing is like most of what makes you nervous, the cure is actually doing what your scared of..........but with relationships you cant do it on your own. You basically need them to understand you but explaining SA isnt exactly a conversation opener hehe........it seems you just have to wait, but will it ever happen?!!!