xtina_fan81
Well-known member
i used to be the loudest in a group i had the happiest childhood and only have good memories from primary school then once things started to change and here i am at 22 with this now and i dont even feel like ive grown up from being like 13 because thats when i stopped living. in my mind imeasily that age mentally because i never experienced teenage years i just went from a kid to nothing i just stopped it all ended. my mind changed and i want the old back feel like im never gna have that old mind back that i had to think watever i thought to be able to be myself cos these days i just have a mind of anxiety and thats all i know i dont know how to be anything else anymore im sick of seeing everyone being able to be so natural around people even though everyone is different they are still ok with being themselves and i cant i physically dont know how to be normal or be relaxed nothing is natural with me i dont know whats wrong and whats right to say and there probably isnt eben wrongs or rights but thats what i think when im around people i cant even fathom having friendships or relationships with people other than my immediate family who im "myself" around i hate this brain i have i want a new one i dont know whats normal to feel and what i need to change ill just never get what i had back. i try to imagine how things would be if this had never developed cos i dont know what its like to be me around people at this age. obviously i cant act like i did at 13. ive grown up obviously but i havent emotionally and being able to be normal jst feels like im never gna get any of it back im just dead inside and il never have anyone cs i cant talk to anyone i dont know how to what to do i just have a head full of anxiety around people and not mine so i give up ill never have the life of anyone else and whats normal to have ill never be able to do any of it and all cos i cant ****ing communicate just like an alien and a freak that isnt human and cant behave i see everyone else and think can i be like that - not be like them but be able to be myself like them and be able to fit in jus with eveyone elss cos atm i cant theres everyone else then me seperate ill never be a part of it ill neever be part of a group of have anyone to be with that im comfortable with im getting older all the time and not getting onwith anything just carrying on being a loser who cant do anything just freeze up and cant be normal