Ignore this rant

[EscapeArtist]

I crave attention and company, but as soon as I have it I feel as if there is nowhere I belong, worthless, scared, I feel more alone when I have it. I feel as if i'm living to find people I belong with, but it's impossible for me because holding anybody's attention feels so damn ALIEN, I crave attention because i'm so, so ****ing lonely, but when I receive it I feel angry at whoever gave it because, why would they bring themselves down to my level? A feeling of guilt, vulnerability, shame, jealousy leading to hate for paying me the attention I asked for. Care, I can't take it. When my therapist says **** like "Oh, that must have hurt so much..." and gives me that face of sympathy and 'care', I just want to slap her across the face and jump out of the building window. It implies such a feeling of vulnerability, and.. i'm not sure really. I just want to dig myself into a hole and create a fantasy land where I can live with my own made up idealizations about my lonely future so that I don't crave comfort, and then get that damn feeling after receiving it! When i'm alone I can dream that I'm worth something to history, to the world, when I'm with others I'm lesser than dirt, I sicken myself, for even writing this. Selfish, selfish, and man, what can I expect somebody to write to this? I feel ashamed that i've influenced your lives with my pessimistic thoughts.

If you ignored the "Ignore this" part, sorry guys, I'm in a really bad mindset at the moment. Dad came to visit. Lately, one day i'm on top off the ****ing world and the next, I want to destruct myself for no apparent reason. I'll probably be back on top of the world tomorrow... -Sigh-

 

[worrywort]

When i'm alone I can dream that I'm worth something to history, to the world, when I'm with others I'm lesser than dirt,

yea, I'm the exact same....when I'm around other people I just find myself feeling smaller and smaller the longer I hang around them. But when I'm on my own, even though I've still got my issues, I feel like there's this self confidence deep inside, like I feel like I'm supposed to do something important in this world.

People piss me off so much sometimes I tend to just avoid them as much as pos....even though I know I probably piss other people off just as much as they piss me off, but it just messes my head up being around other people too much.

But remember, there's still a lot you can accomplish on your own. You can use it to your advantage.

Maybe you dream that you're worth something to history and the world because you are.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

I hear what you're saying, you want company but without the pity party.

I suppose some people see pity as caring, and it is to some extent but it isn't helpful at all.

A little mutual respect and understanding goes a long way.