if you had a gf/bf would it be different?

[flamy]

do you think that if you had a gf/bf you could get over whatever probs you might have? ive not had a gf for about 2 years now (im 21), although have had a few '1 month relationships' within this period. I think that if i had someone regular it would ease these feeling of anxiety and social phobia, but at the same time im getting scared of actually being able to go out and meet people now? its wierd cos a couple of years ago i wasnt like this... i was just shy, now its like a full blown complex ive developed.

do people on this forum get together and discuss their problems? or is it very much just an 'online forum'?

 

[AlleyCat]

I can't really say for sure, I lack experience in that department lol, but imo I think it would be a big help. Just having someone to love would be a new lease on life and a reason worth getting up in the morning. Also I think having someone to go places with would make it a lot easier getting out. I don't really like going places alone. I seem to feel more comfortable if I have someone along. Going to the movies by yourself isn't that much fun and I feel like people are judging me if I show up to the movies or a restaurant alone, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I constantly think people are judging me for it. Yes, I think some people on this board have met up. I would like to do that myself. It would be nice to meet others that you know won't judge you and can relate to you, but I live in hicksville :lol: and have a hard time finding other people near me. You should check out the "meeting people" forum. There might be others looking to meet up around your area.

 

[Clash]

"if you had a gf/bf would it be different?"

Yes, it does.

 

[rko74]

boyfriend/girlfriend

yeah it would be cool to get to know a member of the opposite sex, it sucks being on your own all the time.I dont have alot of experience with the opposite sex either, im like a noob when it comes to that lol.AlleyCat its too bad you live so far away, i dont have any female friends . Your pretty cool person, you like wrestling and horror movies! hehe

 

[Septor]

Yea it would be different.It would help but it would not solve all my problem but it would make life easier in some ways.It would not be as lonely to.

 

[AlleyCat]

Re: boyfriend/girlfriend

yeah it would be cool to get to know a member of the opposite sex, it sucks being on your own all the time.I dont have alot of experience with the opposite sex either, im like a noob when it comes to that lol.AlleyCat its too bad you live so far away, i dont have any female friends . Your pretty cool person, you like wrestling and horror movies! hehe

Aww, thanks! It would be nice to have a movie buddy. Why do all the cool people live so far away from me.

 

[JCR]

does it make it easier

yeah, havn a girlfriend has made it easier 4 me 2 deal with at times. havn sumone there 2 b with just feels so secure, although im single at the moment. i hav only had a handful of relationships, the reason they hav ended is due to SA.

 

[IceLad]

It wouldn't solve all my problems by a long shot, but I would feel as if I could 'take on the world' knowing that I had someone that accepted and supported me for the person I am.

Overall, I think it would help greatly.

 

[Meow]

Well, I have someone and have had someone for the past 2.5 years. It is ONLY easier when he is by my side, it actually feels worse when he's not with me because I am so used to relying on him to make it all feel ok. Of course it's not as lonely, its so great to be able to watch TV and watch movies with someone, cuddle up or go and do a bunch of things. We can go out and do things together that I definately wouldn't do by myself, but then that puts pressure on him to be here for me more than he really can.

 

[Vincent]

Gf/bf

I think it matters a great deal, especially for males.

I think that single men are more disfunctional than women, but I think this is more based on the number of same sex friends. I think that generally, its harder for male friends to fill the void to same sex friends, than it is with women. This is based on my (and other's) stereotype of women having more of an emotional bond with their friends. I think that men can displace neuoris caused by lack of a partner with sport better than can women. But this depends on the level of your angst, whether it inhibits you from sport.

I also would argue that sex is more important to men, while love is equally so to both sexes. I find that I compromise myself too often when I am without sex. I hate it that I am wired to leer at women, or be affected by their bodies and not minds. I should get some medication to destroy sex drive. Anyone know anything about this?

I think that the greatest difference as a guy having a girl would be the level of confidence with the opposite sex. This kind of comes from the above point about not being frustrated and turning away women with blind lust, but also the familarity of talking to women (its not so complicated once you are doing it regularly). I think you could be a guy with a girl, but still not have it help that much with same sex friends, if that is the only person you talk to. As a socially phobic, anything different puts fear in me, so anything Im not familar with regularly is harder. Thats the whole point of SA, the more you socialise the sooner you find out its not as magically or special as your fear leads you to believe.

 

[brownbag]

woooo gf/bf

yea i guess it would be different in the sense that i'd be going out abit more and probly watchin more movies and eatin out more and shopping more..

but i think i'd still feel uncomfortable around the certain ppl that my mind seems to fear.. or certain character traits that some ppl posess that my mind probly fears..

and the sa would still be there, but maybe it'd improve a little bit more i suppose

like some above mentioned, i too dont have much experience in this field

lol

 

[dmsg]

It's hard to tell because i haven't never had a girlfriend. In fact i haven't ever talked to a girl unless it was compulsory (school). Yes, im very miserable.

 

[Steve_lambert]

iv had a girlfriends now for over 3 years. We are very happy together and i love her so much. My problems are there and they seem to be getting worse. I think with the social phobia i get paranoia too. i worry whenever she goes out that people may talk to her, wierd huh. Anyways i do think that having a partner, or even just a real good friend does help you with problems.

 

[bonafide]

At least in my case, the tendency to desire a girlfriend is more of a way to numb the pain deep in my life.

If you don't face your low self esteem/social phobia problems, you simply become a burden to your partner rather than a "co-equal". In other words, like a tick on a dog.

I guess to sum it up...I have to work on myself and become a whole human being before I can be prepared to have a romatic relationship. I think that is the wisest course of action.

 

[nedkelly]

i thought having a girlfriend, now my wife, would help my social phobia.
Unfortunately it hasn't made any difference. Though, yes, i am still thankfull i have her though.

 

[missquiet]

--

 

[Hurricane]

having a gf never helped my SA (excluding the short burst of confidence in the beginning of a relationship, wich dies off rather quickly) it did help with depression, I'm so f*cking depressed nowadays that I don't get to work on my SA...

 

[endless8]

For me having a gf is a night and day difference. I had a beautiful gf who clung me like shit on fly. Just the fact that someone can love you so much eliminates all your low esteem. She motivated me to workout, look my best, and set goals. When you feel great and are confident about yourself you really dont have time to think about SA.

My downfall is that I developed an ego the size of a goodyear bliimp. I became emotionally controlling until she could take no more then left. After the breakup I became very very angry and dissappointed at myself often seeing myslelf as a jerk and loser. Per the advice of another member I'll giving ACT a try to see if it helps.

 

[nattykins]

I've just registered on here...I have social anxiety and I wanted to give my two cents worth on this subject...
I have a very supportive boyfriend...he understands my problems and never pushes me into any situation which I might feel uncomfortable in. It helps a lot in that I have someone who fully understands what I have and will always support me. I compare him to my ex of 5 years who, although he knew of my anxiety, would often accuse me of faking and would push me into social situations (which doesn't help obviously lol).
So having a supportive bf or gf does help in that it gives some support but I don't find in helps in solving the problem at all...I think that that's something that has to be done on my own. I try to be more social and try to help myself and if it doesn't work (like tonight for example) I always know I have someone to go home to who will understand...
I don't know if that makes any sense lol...but those are my thoughts.

 

[PhantomPod]

I definitely feel like it would be different. I'm 19 years old and have never even had a boyfriend before in my life and always feel so embarrassed about it. And if I just had that one person to spend my time with and do things with I feel like it would really make a difference and would just give me more confidence or something.