nikki_marie
Active member
Hey. Im sure alot of you know what it feels like to be constantly know something is not right and never feel free in your soul. i hate it, because i loved my life at one point with open arms. For awhile now i see how every step of the way has my lead my life to what it has become. Pushing people away and maybe hanging on to those who are no good for me. Sabotaging any chance of success and maybe even using the angery vibe to provide me with a shield against the world.
I take everything so personally. This is because i never stick up for myself or give myself a chance. I always take what others say about me to be who i am, because i have no idea myself.
What hurts me the most is knowing that i put a barrier between me and those i know care about me, i know they will never leave my side but i wish i could repay them by showing them i love them too, its almost as if im incapable. im too scared of what everyone thinks of me, to just be me and enjoy it.
There must come a time where i have more to talk about than the person who has pissed me off or how **** my life is.
There must come a time where i enjoy the world rather than fear it. I feel like the world has given up on me. maybe thats because i have given up on myself.
i know i have let myself go, looks wise.
i fake it alot. i fake the confidence, i fake the laughs and i fake the smiles.
i did try and reach out to my doctor. i have taken tablets before and in time of crisis i think I NEED THEM!! but if i am honest from my heart i know that no tablet can cure what i have. i know that no theropist can tell me how i feel and what i have to do. I know that i need to change. I need to stop thinking about me all the time and just go out and do things.
Alot more people in the world have had worst lifes than me and been rejected a hell lot more than me. i know alot of people have less family and friends then me, and less money then me, less food than me, and no shelter unlike me. i know there are people out there with more problems than me, mental, emotional and physical.
so when you really put it like that. what is my problem?
I take everything so personally. This is because i never stick up for myself or give myself a chance. I always take what others say about me to be who i am, because i have no idea myself.
What hurts me the most is knowing that i put a barrier between me and those i know care about me, i know they will never leave my side but i wish i could repay them by showing them i love them too, its almost as if im incapable. im too scared of what everyone thinks of me, to just be me and enjoy it.
There must come a time where i have more to talk about than the person who has pissed me off or how **** my life is.
There must come a time where i enjoy the world rather than fear it. I feel like the world has given up on me. maybe thats because i have given up on myself.
i know i have let myself go, looks wise.
i fake it alot. i fake the confidence, i fake the laughs and i fake the smiles.
i did try and reach out to my doctor. i have taken tablets before and in time of crisis i think I NEED THEM!! but if i am honest from my heart i know that no tablet can cure what i have. i know that no theropist can tell me how i feel and what i have to do. I know that i need to change. I need to stop thinking about me all the time and just go out and do things.
Alot more people in the world have had worst lifes than me and been rejected a hell lot more than me. i know alot of people have less family and friends then me, and less money then me, less food than me, and no shelter unlike me. i know there are people out there with more problems than me, mental, emotional and physical.
so when you really put it like that. what is my problem?