I wish I was 'normal'

[soveryshy]

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and I'm happy to see that there are others out there that share my same problems.

I thought I'd share a little about myself and my social anxiety, I'm going to make this into a list so that I focus more on what I'm sharing than my grammar.

-I'm currently 23 years old and going on my 5th year in college (I've realized that I'm probably going on an extra year of college partly due to my SA)
-I've had the same few friends since high school, it takes me a really long time to warm up to people but once I do I'm outgoing and talkative and I don't hesitate to say anything on my mind, pretty much the opposite of the way I am in public.
-Sometimes when in public, or a college class where I'm forced to work with a group.....there are times where I won't say a single word. I just sit there and wait for it to be over. I feel absolutely horrible about myself afterwards. When it comes to class participation, forget it. I don't say anything at all.
-I'm an education major and student teaching is coming up and I'm completely terrified of it, I've considered dropping out or switching to a major which would be the least likely to put me in social situation. I want to teach 1st graders, I don't have a problem interacting with kids but I know I'll have a problem with other adults.
-I have a job at a clothing store and the only reason I like working there is because not many people come into the store and only one person has to be working at the store at a time so I don't have to interact with other employees. The thought of switching jobs (which I might have to do soon) or working with other people at a job scares the crap out of me. Thankfully, my boss is pretty understanding about my shyness and I've grown to feel pretty comfortable working for him.
-I feel comfortable around my immediate family but I feel SA around my grandparents and other relatives that I'm not used to seeing every day.
-I feel strong SA when it comes to going to the doctor, dentist, hair places, stores, gyms etc etc
-I avoid going to places where I know there will be a lot of people, I skipped my friends birthday party tonight because I knew she would be inviting people I didn't know
-I don't do pretty much anything I'd ideally like to do because of my SA, I'd like to join clubs on campus, I'd like to do sports again, I'd like to be able to go anywhere and not feel this overwhelming SA feeling. The only times I feel free of it is when I'm drunk
-I've had two boyfriends, both of which I've met on the internet. I've been in a great relationship with my current boyfriend and I've made excuses upon excuses about not meeting his parents though we've been together for almost 8 months and he'd really like me to meet them, I'm petrified of meeting new people.
-I haven't made a single friend here at college, my shy friend from high school and I purposely went to the same college so we could room together. She had to move back home so I got a single room.
-I have a problem making eye contact with new people, I always feel like they're thinking horrible things about me.

anyways, the list goes on and on. I'm sure these are just common things that people with SA feel but I thought I'd share anyways.

I'm really fed up with living my life this way. I feel like I haven't been living my life to the fullest because I'm so afraid of being around and interacting with new people. I'm always worried what people are thinking about me, I always think that they're thinking I'm weird, stupid, ugly, etc.
I always fantasize about all the things that I wish I could do if I didn't have SA. I had a chance to go on a school trip to Australia and I passed it up because I'm too scared to meet the new people that would be on the trip with me.

I don't know how to get past this, I thought I would eventually grow out of it. I just want to live a normal life and be myself. I want to make the most of my life.

I know that I need help but I don't really have the means to get help so this forum is my first start. Sorry if that was tedious to read.

 

[burner21]

I can relate to pretty much everything you had just written. except i've never had a boyfriend, because i'm into girls. other than that, it's like we live parallel lives.
I too have realized that i feel like i'm missing out on a lot of stuff and I want to try to lessen my SA as well. I'm starting out small in terms of help: finding this forum and reading SA books. and i think you have to start out small when going out and actually doing stuff, working towards bigger things ... at least thats how I'm going to approach it. i think its good that you realize you want to make a change, but i also think, as hard as it is, that you have to take away or at least lessen the negative connotation of having SA, accepting it, then going about living your life how you want it (wow, it was easy writing that but doing it might be different). You're already off to a good start by having a boyfriend and that is something you can build on. just make a little effort every day, week, or month. its all about the effort. good luck

 

[Milo]

At least you don't blush in front of people daily like me. I stay angry at people, I'm not a people person like you; I like animals. I'm going to college in the fall and i too, am getting a private room. I started writing my thoughts down on paper like why am i nervous and listing reasons and then listing reasons on how to cure them. I'm good one on one, but in groups and meeting new people (especially teachers or older people) i suck. I suggest getting your emotions out on paper and figuring out what your symptoms are. I still put myself out in social situations and although it is hard, you have to do it to get better. Face your fears and never back down from a challenge. Some people might say people are on your side and they don't want you to be nervous. That's not true, challenge those who make you feel less than you are. Treat everyone how they treat you. I give you credit for going to class, that is a huge step and the rest are just smaller steps. Best of luck. God bless.

 

[thaili]

introuce

hey i too have same prob... let me share my prob. i m a student preparin for medical entrance exams but think tht aspring 2 b a doc with SA is silly thought.i just avoid situatn where in people look direct at my face .i cant look into other prsons eye [ie difficulty making eye contact] .in a classroom i just watch others to assure myself that others r not watchin me .if i come to know tht some1 is observing me i get anxious terrible nervous...... in classroom idont speak b'coz i know if i speak others will look at my face & thts what i dont want .when i drive a 2 wheeler i wear a helmet so tht my face is not visible.think i m suffering frm SCOPOPHOBIA which in turn has made me social phobic . i remain confined 2 house .i m suffering heavily from lonelines.i have friends but i avoid them otherise they will come 2 know my problem