ohheybbyitscorixx
Well-known member
I'm up late and thought it might be interesting to share my story with medications. I want to let you know I lived in a County where apparently they had a bunch of horrible psychiatrists in one spot, and you had to go into a bigger city to get the good ones. I started them when I was 11 for depression. I've been on dozens of them. I've had several severe allergic reactions and some addictions to them. A few years ago, I went on this medicine called Geodon (for Bipolar and off label use for anxiety). It felt like a magical pill. It literally cured my anxiety for months...or so I thought. It turns out I kept needing more and more of it (I was addicted). I kept trying to get off of the medicine because my psychiatrist was nuts and wouldn't listen to a word I said when I wanted to be weaned off of it. I got insane with drawls, and no doctor believed me. The doctor kept giving me more and more until eventually I was sleeping 20 HOURS a day and drooling when I woke up. No one thought there was anything wrong with this. In fact, he then diagnosed me with Schitzotypal Personality Disorder...because I was acting weird and had a flat mood and he felt I had "unconventional beliefs" because I was a teenager that liked to dye her hair different colors (I now reference him as one of my many doctors that had more issues than me...) The next few years I tried many, many, many different medicines (all that gave me horrid side effects and doctors drugged me up on until I was drooling). In those years, I always went on Geodon every other month. During that time, I had over 10 different psychiatrists who never believed me about the withdrawing symptoms from this drug. By withdrawl, I mean vomiting, no sleep for a week, and I was so cold that I actually went in scalding hot water, shaking, and anxiety like I never EVER had in my LIFE. There was a short time when I completely went off Geodon, and I went on some other anti depressant in combination with Ability. Within 3 days, I had uncontrollable muscle movements. I almost swallowed my tongue. My head was to the side of my neck. I curled up in a ball, and my hands looked like a dinosaurs. I couldn't move for 5 hours. My tongue swelled and I had trouble breathing. Luckily, that doctor had enough sense to take me off of that drug, give me Benadryl, and never put me on that or another drug in it's class again. Another psychiatrist put me on Abilify (after she KNEW it closed up my throat) and Cogentin at the same time (which treats the uncontrollable muscle movements which are PERMANENT if you are not taken off!) I took it for a few weeks because my mother got really mad if I didn't (I was 16), but I started faking that...thank god! Is started faking taking my meds from then on until...
Fast forward to a newer psychiatrist a few years later. I went to a new doctor for an evaluation that I had to have for a group home I was entering. NEVER saw this doctor before in my life. I walk in, and before he says hi, he says "I think you're Bipolar, but I'll listen to you anyway". RED FLAG RED FLAG. Never trust a doctor who does this. I'm serious, guys. Even if you decide to take medicine, please don't go to doctors who do what this guy did. He listens to me. My mother was with me, but this is the first session without her (she is abusive and she manipulates the entire session...long story..) He asked me what meds I have been on before (which is important to list! Especially since I have an allergy now!) I called my mother in ONLY for her to tell them the meds I was on since I can't even remember all of them. He interrupts her after 3 meds (which isn't near the whole list), tells her to sit down and join the session. In an evaluation! OF ME! I asked her to leave about 5 times before I started getting REALLY mad and screamed. He finally told her to go. And he actually said "Well, you seem to have some anger there." Previously, I had told him about my abuse BY her, and he let her in anyways, and didn't listen to me when I told her I didn't want her to be in there. But anywho...he proceeded to record things in front of me. He felt a need to tell me the things he will say in the recorder might make me mad... What kind of doctor would say those things in front of me then? He said he felt a need to "call out his patients on their problems". I had severe dissociation this entire evaluation, and he interrupted me so many times saying..."uhh...you already said that...move on to other symptoms". He diagnosed me with Bipolar just from a questionare of 10 questions. And if all of that wasn't enough, my FIRST time meeting the damn guy, he tries to prescribe me meds. He doesn't ask if I want to be on just a few, doesn't ask if I want to be on ANY at all (after all, this is just an eval for a group home that is mandatory). He decided to put me on Xanax, Lexapro, and Geodon. I told him about the allergic reaction I had to Geodon before (since my tongue was swollen and I had trouble breathing.) He decided this wasn't a concern and told me to take it. I told him I don't feel comfortable, and he again, told me to take it because that's what he's giving me. Being as I STILL thought doctors knew more than me, I took it. A week into taken it, I started getting uncontrollable muscle movements. The next night, it was full blown. I knew I was having a reaction. To be honest, I think I could have had another type of reaction...I forget what it was called, but it's when you get ridged muscles, extreme confusion, feeling faint, sweating, so on. It's dangerous and you need to get to an ER. So, I went. To make a long story short, I didn't get admitted until the third time I went there. The first time they gave me 3 injections of Benadryl. The second, Cogentin. The third, I was having uncontrollable muscle movements so much, the nurse thought I was seizing. My uncontrollable muscle movements were so bad, they affected my respiratory system (I couldn't breath for 45 seconds at a time). It affected my tongue so bad I was stuttering and couldn't speak. I was also so confused, it was like I was having personality changes, which NEVER in my life I EVER had. My caseworker came in (ugh, she was a bad one, too) and told me she thought I was either schizophrenic, or had DID. I NEVER experienced these symptoms before! They wanted to take me to the psych ward. They gave me some sort of test (I think an EKG) and when the flashing lights got faster, the more I would look like I was having a seizure (not controllable at all). The nurses thought I was just nervous?! The DOCTOR (hahaha...) was a neurologist. I told him I think I'm having a reaction to the Geodon (which is in the same class as Abilify) He told me I am having pseudo seizures, and it's all in my head. That I just need to "calm down". I was in the hospital for 3 days. It turns out, I had Tardive Dyskinesia., which can be PERMANENT IF NOT TAKEN OFF OF THE DRUG RIGHT AWAY. It was caused by my medicine. It is medicine induced. I couldn't even get ahold of my Psychiatrist in an emergency for 2 days before I went to the ER. All of the doctors, my caseworker, and my whole family thought I was just "stressed out". They even still tried to give me my psych meds in the hospital after I said no. For 3 months after, flashing of lights gave me seizure like movements for minutes. I was extremely sensitive to the sun. I was in a constant confused state. I mean literally like I was locked inside my head, and all that came out was "duhhh..." I couldn't talk at all for a while because my tongue was moving uncontrollably. I also found out this drug has with drawls that are equal to with drawls of heavy recreational drugs. There are support groups for some people coming off of this drug. It also caused overactive sweating for me, a neurological side effect that is permanent in a lot of people who take this.
After all of that, I stayed off of meds for a year. I finally decided, hey, maybe I should try just one med I had success with before, Lamictal. Granted, this is for mood disorders, but I wanted to share anyways. Long story short...another allergic reaction. It happened when my dosage increased after being on it for 5 months. My primary didn't know what I had. He thought I had whooping cough at first, then TB, then all these other tests. Put me on antibiotics, steroids, so on. I had a couch that lasted for 45-1 min and could not breath during that entire time. I felt like I just had the flu. After 6 weeks of this, I woke up with my lymph nodes swollen the size of golf balls. I do not kid you, and I was freaked out. I had PURPLE spots on my chest. Like...little purple dots. Trouble breathing that whole 6 weeks. I had these sores in my mouth and around it. My tongue was tingling and started going numb all the way back in my throat. Everyone in my group home thought I was nuts thinking it was a reaction. Tried to get a hold of my Psychiatrist. After a WEEK of no phone calls, went to my therapy appointment. She saw me, and my golf ball sized lymph nodes, and said "oh my god". Got ahold of the doctor, and even telling her I had trouble breathing and my tongue was starting to swell at this point, she told me to wait til next week to start weening me off. That night, I choked on any liquid I tried to drink or any food I tried to eat. So, I went to the ER. The ER DR told me I had strep throat, even though I told him about the reaction, and how on the list of reactions I should go to the ER for, it even included purple freaking spots (unusual bruising.) The sores, the shortness of breath, the coughing, the tongue swelling, the swelling of tongue, and he laughed and said...no...Lamictal only causes a rash if you have a reaction. (Lamictal patients are commonly warned about a rash, because it's rare but can be fatal.) The sores I had were in the same warning as the rash, because that can be the start of it. He gave me antibiotics and sent me home. Meanwhile, I couldn't drink ANY water without choking. Even though it's against my group home's rules on refusing meds (you can get kicked out), I stopped taking it that night. Guess what? The next day, everything was 75% GONE! Oh, and that strep test came back negative.
So, that was a really long story! But I have a point to all of this. The bottom line is...if you feel uncomfortable about your doctors, go to another one. If they try and give you meds the FIRST time meeting them, go to another. Come to think of it, if they don't recommend therapy before you try medicines, get another! If you tell a doctor no, and they try and talk over you, go to another one. If you can't reach your doctor in an emergency, go to another one! I know this may seem like something you SHOULD do, but a lot of psych patients are vulnerable and end up in situations where they feel bullied or like they are nuts and can't say no. ALWAYS!!! follow your gut feeling. The gut feeling I had to take MYSELF off of those 3 meds probably saved my life. If you can't breathe, and you started a new med, and your doctor wants to wait to ween you off, go to the ER! ALWAYS tell your doctor about anything out of ordinary, even if you think it's little and doesn't matter! Always remember that medicines are meant for a SHORT period of time! They are NEVER meant for long term use! They can be very dangerous. I know a lot of people think some of this stuff is a chemical imbalance, but that's not even proven. A lot of these medicines *esp* the ones for anxiety, are highly addicting. The medicines of today, are virtually the SAME exact medicines that existed decades ago. Medicines do help sometimes, but never rely on them. They are meant to be used as a temporary crutch. I'm not saying these reactions will happen to everyone, but there is a lot that the companies who make these drugs don't disclose. They can, and will, alter your VERY sensitive brain chemistry. To this day, years after taking these drugs, I STILL have overactive sweating and twitching. Luckily, my tardive dyskinesia isn't that permanent. I still have it, but it happens every few weeks. Although, lately, it has been happening more. I still stutter a lot. I feel VERY lucky, because a lot of people who have that permanently end up in wheelchairs or disabled for the rest of their lives. I also have a lot of memory problems since the extreme confusion and disorientation on Geodon. To all of you who do take psych meds, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you have an amazing doctor! I hope my story has helped someone out there in some way.
PS-Don't forget that some of my medicines aren't for anxiety. The medicines for anxiety, I have noticed, tend to be more addicting. I have been addicted to Xanax I took for my panic attacks before. You can get tardive dyskinesia from prolonged use of anti-psychotics.
Fast forward to a newer psychiatrist a few years later. I went to a new doctor for an evaluation that I had to have for a group home I was entering. NEVER saw this doctor before in my life. I walk in, and before he says hi, he says "I think you're Bipolar, but I'll listen to you anyway". RED FLAG RED FLAG. Never trust a doctor who does this. I'm serious, guys. Even if you decide to take medicine, please don't go to doctors who do what this guy did. He listens to me. My mother was with me, but this is the first session without her (she is abusive and she manipulates the entire session...long story..) He asked me what meds I have been on before (which is important to list! Especially since I have an allergy now!) I called my mother in ONLY for her to tell them the meds I was on since I can't even remember all of them. He interrupts her after 3 meds (which isn't near the whole list), tells her to sit down and join the session. In an evaluation! OF ME! I asked her to leave about 5 times before I started getting REALLY mad and screamed. He finally told her to go. And he actually said "Well, you seem to have some anger there." Previously, I had told him about my abuse BY her, and he let her in anyways, and didn't listen to me when I told her I didn't want her to be in there. But anywho...he proceeded to record things in front of me. He felt a need to tell me the things he will say in the recorder might make me mad... What kind of doctor would say those things in front of me then? He said he felt a need to "call out his patients on their problems". I had severe dissociation this entire evaluation, and he interrupted me so many times saying..."uhh...you already said that...move on to other symptoms". He diagnosed me with Bipolar just from a questionare of 10 questions. And if all of that wasn't enough, my FIRST time meeting the damn guy, he tries to prescribe me meds. He doesn't ask if I want to be on just a few, doesn't ask if I want to be on ANY at all (after all, this is just an eval for a group home that is mandatory). He decided to put me on Xanax, Lexapro, and Geodon. I told him about the allergic reaction I had to Geodon before (since my tongue was swollen and I had trouble breathing.) He decided this wasn't a concern and told me to take it. I told him I don't feel comfortable, and he again, told me to take it because that's what he's giving me. Being as I STILL thought doctors knew more than me, I took it. A week into taken it, I started getting uncontrollable muscle movements. The next night, it was full blown. I knew I was having a reaction. To be honest, I think I could have had another type of reaction...I forget what it was called, but it's when you get ridged muscles, extreme confusion, feeling faint, sweating, so on. It's dangerous and you need to get to an ER. So, I went. To make a long story short, I didn't get admitted until the third time I went there. The first time they gave me 3 injections of Benadryl. The second, Cogentin. The third, I was having uncontrollable muscle movements so much, the nurse thought I was seizing. My uncontrollable muscle movements were so bad, they affected my respiratory system (I couldn't breath for 45 seconds at a time). It affected my tongue so bad I was stuttering and couldn't speak. I was also so confused, it was like I was having personality changes, which NEVER in my life I EVER had. My caseworker came in (ugh, she was a bad one, too) and told me she thought I was either schizophrenic, or had DID. I NEVER experienced these symptoms before! They wanted to take me to the psych ward. They gave me some sort of test (I think an EKG) and when the flashing lights got faster, the more I would look like I was having a seizure (not controllable at all). The nurses thought I was just nervous?! The DOCTOR (hahaha...) was a neurologist. I told him I think I'm having a reaction to the Geodon (which is in the same class as Abilify) He told me I am having pseudo seizures, and it's all in my head. That I just need to "calm down". I was in the hospital for 3 days. It turns out, I had Tardive Dyskinesia., which can be PERMANENT IF NOT TAKEN OFF OF THE DRUG RIGHT AWAY. It was caused by my medicine. It is medicine induced. I couldn't even get ahold of my Psychiatrist in an emergency for 2 days before I went to the ER. All of the doctors, my caseworker, and my whole family thought I was just "stressed out". They even still tried to give me my psych meds in the hospital after I said no. For 3 months after, flashing of lights gave me seizure like movements for minutes. I was extremely sensitive to the sun. I was in a constant confused state. I mean literally like I was locked inside my head, and all that came out was "duhhh..." I couldn't talk at all for a while because my tongue was moving uncontrollably. I also found out this drug has with drawls that are equal to with drawls of heavy recreational drugs. There are support groups for some people coming off of this drug. It also caused overactive sweating for me, a neurological side effect that is permanent in a lot of people who take this.
After all of that, I stayed off of meds for a year. I finally decided, hey, maybe I should try just one med I had success with before, Lamictal. Granted, this is for mood disorders, but I wanted to share anyways. Long story short...another allergic reaction. It happened when my dosage increased after being on it for 5 months. My primary didn't know what I had. He thought I had whooping cough at first, then TB, then all these other tests. Put me on antibiotics, steroids, so on. I had a couch that lasted for 45-1 min and could not breath during that entire time. I felt like I just had the flu. After 6 weeks of this, I woke up with my lymph nodes swollen the size of golf balls. I do not kid you, and I was freaked out. I had PURPLE spots on my chest. Like...little purple dots. Trouble breathing that whole 6 weeks. I had these sores in my mouth and around it. My tongue was tingling and started going numb all the way back in my throat. Everyone in my group home thought I was nuts thinking it was a reaction. Tried to get a hold of my Psychiatrist. After a WEEK of no phone calls, went to my therapy appointment. She saw me, and my golf ball sized lymph nodes, and said "oh my god". Got ahold of the doctor, and even telling her I had trouble breathing and my tongue was starting to swell at this point, she told me to wait til next week to start weening me off. That night, I choked on any liquid I tried to drink or any food I tried to eat. So, I went to the ER. The ER DR told me I had strep throat, even though I told him about the reaction, and how on the list of reactions I should go to the ER for, it even included purple freaking spots (unusual bruising.) The sores, the shortness of breath, the coughing, the tongue swelling, the swelling of tongue, and he laughed and said...no...Lamictal only causes a rash if you have a reaction. (Lamictal patients are commonly warned about a rash, because it's rare but can be fatal.) The sores I had were in the same warning as the rash, because that can be the start of it. He gave me antibiotics and sent me home. Meanwhile, I couldn't drink ANY water without choking. Even though it's against my group home's rules on refusing meds (you can get kicked out), I stopped taking it that night. Guess what? The next day, everything was 75% GONE! Oh, and that strep test came back negative.
So, that was a really long story! But I have a point to all of this. The bottom line is...if you feel uncomfortable about your doctors, go to another one. If they try and give you meds the FIRST time meeting them, go to another. Come to think of it, if they don't recommend therapy before you try medicines, get another! If you tell a doctor no, and they try and talk over you, go to another one. If you can't reach your doctor in an emergency, go to another one! I know this may seem like something you SHOULD do, but a lot of psych patients are vulnerable and end up in situations where they feel bullied or like they are nuts and can't say no. ALWAYS!!! follow your gut feeling. The gut feeling I had to take MYSELF off of those 3 meds probably saved my life. If you can't breathe, and you started a new med, and your doctor wants to wait to ween you off, go to the ER! ALWAYS tell your doctor about anything out of ordinary, even if you think it's little and doesn't matter! Always remember that medicines are meant for a SHORT period of time! They are NEVER meant for long term use! They can be very dangerous. I know a lot of people think some of this stuff is a chemical imbalance, but that's not even proven. A lot of these medicines *esp* the ones for anxiety, are highly addicting. The medicines of today, are virtually the SAME exact medicines that existed decades ago. Medicines do help sometimes, but never rely on them. They are meant to be used as a temporary crutch. I'm not saying these reactions will happen to everyone, but there is a lot that the companies who make these drugs don't disclose. They can, and will, alter your VERY sensitive brain chemistry. To this day, years after taking these drugs, I STILL have overactive sweating and twitching. Luckily, my tardive dyskinesia isn't that permanent. I still have it, but it happens every few weeks. Although, lately, it has been happening more. I still stutter a lot. I feel VERY lucky, because a lot of people who have that permanently end up in wheelchairs or disabled for the rest of their lives. I also have a lot of memory problems since the extreme confusion and disorientation on Geodon. To all of you who do take psych meds, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you have an amazing doctor! I hope my story has helped someone out there in some way.
PS-Don't forget that some of my medicines aren't for anxiety. The medicines for anxiety, I have noticed, tend to be more addicting. I have been addicted to Xanax I took for my panic attacks before. You can get tardive dyskinesia from prolonged use of anti-psychotics.
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