I think there is something wrong with me other than SA

[NightTimeForever]

So, I posted a pic of me on a plastic surgery forum and asked if there was anything that people would change, and the prevailing opinion was that I really didn't need to change anything and said I was very attractive. Later, I recieved a PM from someone who said "they see this really great looking guy and wonder what the f*** is his problem" referring to the other people that commented on my situation.

I'm starting to wonder if I have that BDD thing (Body Dsymorphic Disorder?), and if this has significantly contributed to my SA? This has been a preoccupation of mine since my teens, I never thought I was attractive enough to get a good looking girl, and those that I said it too looked me like I was crazy (and said it as well).

Has anyone else had this (or think they have it), or have any advice? It's like my self-esteem in dating is at a permanent low. I don't know how to change it.

 

[RedRibbons]

Maybe you just have low self-esteem? A lot of people say that I am attractive and stuff, but sometimes, I really just don't see it.

The thing is is that we see ourselves every time we look in a mirror, and we can see our 'flaws', which other people don't notice.

Anyway. No matter what you look like, if you can be okay with your appearance, it's all good. We're all unique.

Also, ask yourself.. Is it that important to have a super attractive girl anyway? I think what's really important is what is on the inside. Looks are secondary.

 

[NightTimeForever]

Let's just say it is important to me, at least initially. Personality is important too however. But, BDD is different from low self-esteem though.

 

[phoenix1]

I think the thing about anxiety and social anxiety is that we all focus on something we really don't like about ourselves in an effort to stop the pain of anxiety. For some people its something physical, others its some mental trait, or some combination of both. The point is though there is always something preceived wrong, because its our minds attempt to put blame on something in order to fix it. The problem with that is that even if we fixed the trait we hated about ourselves it would just switch to something else. The problem never really lies in physical or mental traits but in how we preceive social pain. The more pain we feel, the more we try to find reasons for the pain in order to stop the pain, which only makes the pain worse in the end.

 

[NightTimeForever]

You might be right there, phoenix. I just wish I knew where this self-doubt came from.

 

[chris87]

I'm very self-conscious with my appearance. I feel like I have a lot of flaws that make me unattractive.

 

[RedRibbons]

If you focus on the bad.. You'll feel the bad. If you focus on the good.. You'll feel the good. hmm? Try shifting your thought pattern.. Instead of thinking you can't get a good looking girl.. Reassure yourself that you are attractive and likeable (even if you don't feel that way at first, if you keep doing it, it will form a habit of thought). You should probably read the article posted..

http://www.vistage.com/featured/break-bad-habits-rewire-your-brain-in-14-days.html