Livingwithoutlivin
Well-known member
I've come to this realization here, from studying Psychology and a few other sources:
We are reservoirs of life experiences, the contents; the interpretations of these life experiences, the opinions of other people-that we have internalized, and the various groups of people we have surrounded ourselves with have shaped our viewpoint of who we are.
There is a time in your life, when you are a clean slate, though you might have a few issues as a child, such as being considered too fussy, or told that you talk too much, or are too quiet, that people need to really shut the hell up, about what they say to you. Probably the biggest differences between the reasons that some people turn out great, and some turn out absolutely dismal, is the crap you've been fed at this most crucial time in your life- the foundation upon which you build upon, at a time when nobody has a right impose upon you that you are this, that or the other. Children don't know what they are doing, they haven't developed abstract thinking, they mostly seek to have their basic needs met, they aren't playing the strategic game of pleasing people, and making goals that lead more friends and big paychecks, and contracts and what not. They are barely starting to learn what is considered good or bad by their society, through the affirmations that their parents, family, babysitters, and other people give them.
Knowing what I know now, I would absolutely warn adults against imposing identities on children, by telling them that they are " stupid, bad-kid, idiot, can't do anything right, slow,retarded etc." children build upon what you say to them. They are coming into a social world, they internalize these things, there is a point in their lives when they are being shaped by what other people tell them.
By this I dont' mean to lie to kids and let them that they are good when they are bad, I'm saying that when children or people do things right, to let them know, and to compliment them on the things they do right, and when they do things wrong, tell them why it's unnaceptable, but don't impose on them, that they are " the bad kid, stupid, can't do anything right" these words say YOU ARE, not YOU ARE BEING or YOU ARE DOING. Those words that say YOU ARE, are a permanent label, to tell somebody they ARE BEING, says, that's not you, but that's who who you are being right now, which i consider the lesser evil, yet still probably not as positive as telling them, that so and so... is unnacceptable, and then telling them the WHY?
We are reservoirs of life experiences, the contents; the interpretations of these life experiences, the opinions of other people-that we have internalized, and the various groups of people we have surrounded ourselves with have shaped our viewpoint of who we are.
There is a time in your life, when you are a clean slate, though you might have a few issues as a child, such as being considered too fussy, or told that you talk too much, or are too quiet, that people need to really shut the hell up, about what they say to you. Probably the biggest differences between the reasons that some people turn out great, and some turn out absolutely dismal, is the crap you've been fed at this most crucial time in your life- the foundation upon which you build upon, at a time when nobody has a right impose upon you that you are this, that or the other. Children don't know what they are doing, they haven't developed abstract thinking, they mostly seek to have their basic needs met, they aren't playing the strategic game of pleasing people, and making goals that lead more friends and big paychecks, and contracts and what not. They are barely starting to learn what is considered good or bad by their society, through the affirmations that their parents, family, babysitters, and other people give them.
Knowing what I know now, I would absolutely warn adults against imposing identities on children, by telling them that they are " stupid, bad-kid, idiot, can't do anything right, slow,retarded etc." children build upon what you say to them. They are coming into a social world, they internalize these things, there is a point in their lives when they are being shaped by what other people tell them.
By this I dont' mean to lie to kids and let them that they are good when they are bad, I'm saying that when children or people do things right, to let them know, and to compliment them on the things they do right, and when they do things wrong, tell them why it's unnaceptable, but don't impose on them, that they are " the bad kid, stupid, can't do anything right" these words say YOU ARE, not YOU ARE BEING or YOU ARE DOING. Those words that say YOU ARE, are a permanent label, to tell somebody they ARE BEING, says, that's not you, but that's who who you are being right now, which i consider the lesser evil, yet still probably not as positive as telling them, that so and so... is unnacceptable, and then telling them the WHY?