I sound sarcastic but I'm just speaking normally!

[Toomuchfear]

Whenever I speak to people, my brain is bubbling with fear. Will this person judge me? Will they ignore me or look bored? I'm sure you can understand. When I do finally have the guts to come out of my shell and speak, people always think i'm harsh and mean when I'm just trying to get people to like me. A boss tells me what do do, and I say "OK I'll get to it", but apparently this sounds sarcastic? I'm so confused

I try to get people to laugh at my jokes and make conversation with me, but most of the time it falls flat. For example, a collegue in her 20s said 'I've got a grey hair,' I said, with a goofy smile, 'your hair is completely grey all over' which to me is obviously a joke, as it's clearly not true. She wasn't happy at all, and all I wanted to do was make her like me.

people confuse me, and I am so alone. ::

 

[Minty]

It's not what you say. It's how you say it. Joking is an art form. Even the most socially confident struggle every now and then to land a good joke.

Besides, your colleague said that because she was feeling insecure and she wanted someone to reassure her by saying, "Nah! You totally don't have gray hair. Stop worrying, silly."

I was in denial about my sarcastic tone when I was a teenager and it took a while for me to understand that I was being disrespectful by talking back to my parents. I thought I was just defending myself and making them understand my point-of-view. But they saw it as an attack. It takes time to see how you come off to other people. I'm still learning.

 

[Feathers]

Sarcasm can be very misunderstood, especially online.. so I try to stay away from it.. In real life too, you have to know the person really well so they KNOW you mean well, or it's better to just stay away from it..

It's better to err on the side of 'boring' and being reassuring sometimes, people can have a different sense of humor...

Yup, people can be sensitive about hair and appearance.. you could say something like, 'Nah! No way! You still look so young/good/gorgeous' (depending how close you two are, if you are flirting or not..) if you said 'You'd totally look gorgeous with silver hair' that might be okay too.. again, depending on the person..

Yup, tone of voice is very important too.. Maybe just nod to the boss then?

I've sometimes laughed out of embarassment/being shy too, and it was sometimes taken as disrespect. So maybe just try to be serious/respectful? Observe how other people behave, who are taken as respectful enough, etc.

Also, try to stop the negative self-talk.. There are many tips in books or the anti-SA 'Step by step' audio/book (or pdf) program.. Mostly people just think about themselves and their own problems, you know!!