Zipper
Well-known member
I was listening to an REM song this evening -- a song I listened to often during my 2005 year in Houston, Texas. The song reminded me of that time and brought back a flood of happy feelings and good memories. 
It was kind of a vague feeling, but it was very real. The strange thing is, objectively, that year was probably the worst and most difficult year for me emotionally. I was depressed, and self-destructive, and anxious, and scared. I would miss work and go into debt, and alienate friends and colleagues. It was truly an ugly time in my life. I wept often, and raged against my parents. I racked up huge fees on my cell-phone. Dark thoughts would descend upon me often. If you had asked me then if I was enjoying myself, I would likely vigorously say NO! :evil:
But now, when I think back to that year, the things that I recall are the good things and not the bad things. I have to deliberately step back and say: "Now try to remember your ACTUAL struggles and difficulties." Because if I don't focus on the specific things, the only impressions of my life that return are positive: exploring the Montrose coffee shops, bars and nightclubs, dating my art-school girlfriend and losing my virginity, driving through Houston, swimming in the Gulf at Galveston, hanging out with my church friends (ugg church ), developing a new philosophy and joining a new religion. 8)
Even now, I imagine that one day I'll think back on 2008 and think "Wow, it was so good to be alive in 2008!" I may sometimes think I hate my life and wish it were different or spent. :evil: But when it is over, even though I may grieve every moment, doubtless I will be satisfied and pleased with my experiences along the way. But I don't have to wait, I can short circuit that process and appreciate my life now, even as I suffer. :wink:
This was the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBWdRMQfjdo
REM "Bad Day"
Here is Houston, and I worked in that small boxy building at the foot of that tall red tower on the left side of the photo:
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It was kind of a vague feeling, but it was very real. The strange thing is, objectively, that year was probably the worst and most difficult year for me emotionally. I was depressed, and self-destructive, and anxious, and scared. I would miss work and go into debt, and alienate friends and colleagues. It was truly an ugly time in my life. I wept often, and raged against my parents. I racked up huge fees on my cell-phone. Dark thoughts would descend upon me often. If you had asked me then if I was enjoying myself, I would likely vigorously say NO! :evil: But now, when I think back to that year, the things that I recall are the good things and not the bad things.
I have to deliberately step back and say: "Now try to remember your ACTUAL struggles and difficulties." Because if I don't focus on the specific things, the only impressions of my life that return are positive: exploring the Montrose coffee shops, bars and nightclubs, dating my art-school girlfriend and losing my virginity, driving through Houston, swimming in the Gulf at Galveston, hanging out with my church friends (ugg church ), developing a new philosophy and joining a new religion. 8) Even now, I imagine that one day I'll think back on 2008 and think "Wow, it was so good to be alive in 2008!" I may sometimes think I hate my life and wish it were different or spent. :evil: But when it is over, even though I may grieve every moment, doubtless I will be satisfied and pleased with my experiences along the way. But I don't have to wait, I can short circuit that process and appreciate my life now, even as I suffer. :wink:
This was the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBWdRMQfjdo
REM "Bad Day"
Here is Houston, and I worked in that small boxy building at the foot of that tall red tower on the left side of the photo:
