StreetWorm
Member
First of all I'd just like to say hi. This seems like a pretty good group of people (hey, I would know having glanced over the forums for the previous 5 minutes) and I think I'll probably be around here for quite some time because it's nice to have someone who can identify easily with me.
First off I just want to clarify that I'm going into long rant/story mode so be prepared. I'm doing this both to organize my thoughts and because I would like suggestions on my situation and how to correct it next time I'm in a similiar situation. Just thought I should make a note of that.
I guess I should probably try to give some basic information about the degree and type of shyness I experience. I'm most shy in one on one situations with people I don't know a great deal about. I just don't know how to get to know people very well unless there one of those few people who I immediately feel comfortable talking to. I generally don't feel to shy when I'm speaking in front of a large group and I actually played guitar in the school talent show in front of a crowd that topped 1000 with very little nervousness at all (how that works I have utterly no clue). But as communicating with small groups of people or individuals I really have a problem. I think my biggest problem is starting a conversation and keeping it going once it is started. After a little while i just run out of ideas of things to talk about and then that really unsettling silence sets in (I have a feeling you all know what I'm talking about on this one ...whoever said silence is golden is completely full of shit).
Okay, enough about that, time to get to the story. I'll try to stay on subject (no promises)...just try to bear with me if I go off on a tangent.
The thing that has brought me here is, not to surprisingly, a girl- just to lessen the confusion with names I'll tell you her name is Amber. A few months ago one of my friends told me basically "hey, you're going to prom with this chick"...being the shy dude that I am I was pretty stand-off-ish about the whole idea and for a couple weeks there was no talk about it at all and I pretty much forgot about it. Well, three weeks ago me and a guy were talking in class and he told me that Amber was expecting to go to prom with me. At that point I didn't even know what the hell her name was but I was sure it was the girl friend #1 was talking about. I told the guy I didn't know a thing about the girl but, yeah, I think we are goig to prom together. After we talked a little longer he said he could get me her phone number, and a couple of days later he gave me Amber's number.
Okay, fast forward to two weeks prior to the prom and I have Amber's number and I'm trying to sum up the courage to give the girl a call. Finally I manage and ask her if she wants to go out and do something that Friday night. Thankfully she said yes (and she sounded really damn cute as well which is a plus) and we ended up deciding on going to a soccer game. I'd stumbled around quite a bit during the phone conversation and it only ended up being about 3 or 4 minutes long but I was just happy to make it out alive and without being too embarrased but it was pretty obvious that shyness had really dominated the conversation on my part.
That Friday I picked her up at her house and for the first 10 minutes we hit it off quite well. Plus she was really cute to my relief (I try not to be obsessive about that but when you're going on a blind date it's definately nice to be with someone you're physically attracted to). We made good conversation and all was well and good...then we got to the game. At this point I utterly clammed up and we barely said anything more than a few sentences for the whole game. I was pretty damn embarassed because we'd just sat there for about an hour and hadn't really talked at all but we DID end up talking again while we were leaving the game and during the car ride back (a small victory I suppose).
Thankfully, I managed to remember to ask her what color her dress was going to be for prom and all the needed details and I managed to get everything ready without running into any problems as far as the prom preparation.
Since there really isn't much to talk about as far as the preparation itself I'm going to fast forward yet again to prom night.
I was kind of nervous about seeing her again because of how bad the date had been the week before but I just told myself that I would have to be more talkative and that things would end up working out. I met her parents (who were pretty cool) and some other family and friends of hers and everything went relatively well although when they took pictures I had a pretty hard time smiling which has already been a problem for me. I don't mind smiling but when it's forced in front of a camera I have a really hard time doing it unless someone makes me laugh.
As far as Amber herself...she looked absolutely beautiful. I consider myself lucky that I could talk at all because normally I can barely manage to talk around a girl I find cute. I managed to break out of that shell a little and asked her a couple of questions on our way out to dinner. The dinner itself also went well as we held the conversation relatively well even if it stalled at times. I still think it went pretty damn good.
After that things went downhill quite a bit as far as conversation went. I just couldn't think of anything to talk about. Once in a while we'd talk but for the most part it was just silence. It wasn't as bad as the soccer game but I could tell it was approaching it quickly. Things really didn't change much when we got to the actual prom either. We met one of her friends there and that helped a little bit because it brought two more people into the conversation and we didn't just have to rely on two-way conversation but I still thought i was pretty lacking in the area. This lasted pretty much until we started taking pictures and then I loosened up a bit (surprisingly considering it was pictures). For about the next hour things went well. We were having a pretty good time and we did the grand march (all the prom-goers do a little walk through the gym and the parents all take pictures) which went really well.
After that we got to the actual prom part of things and we ended up going through a spurt of about half an hour with no conversation whatsoever. We ended up slow-dancing a couple times which helped relieve the tension a couple times but we ended up leaving prom earlier because we both agreed it was getting boring.
We ended up going to her friend Jackie's house for about an hour and spent the time talking between the three of us. The conversation went pretty well but eventually Amber said that she was getting tired and was going to go home (she had her car at Jackie's house so I didn't have to drive her home)... We said good bye and that's pretty much the end of the story.
Now, we're finally in the present (two days after prom) and I'm thinking about calling Amber and asking her if she wants to go on a date Friday night. The big problem is that I'm starting to look back over the night and I have a feeling that she really didn't want to go on another date. There are just a lot of signs that I think signaled that she wouldn't want to go on another date. Still, I really like her (as much as one can when you're 18 and barely talked on two dates anyways) and I know if I don't call her and find out for sure I'm going to really regret it. I think I'll be able to gather the courage to call her again even if I think I'm going to get rejected as far as the date goes but for now I'm just trying to think of what to say and how to say it.
Now we get to what the whole point of this thread was. I'd really like to hear about your own experiences in date type situations both good and bad. And I'd also like to know if you guys can give me pointers or direct me to a thread on this board (as I'm sure this has been covered to tremendous lengths) or another webpage with advice on how to avoid the same problem when I date again.
I think my biggest problem is running out of things to talk about. So if you can give me some ideas on how to just keep talking I would really appreciate it.
Okay, I think I'm done typing for now. Sorry if this whole thing seems really jumbled and disorganized but this is the first time I've put this down in writing (so to speak) so my mind is still a little scrambled. I'll try to organize it a little better when my head is cleared and i have time to sit down and rethink over this whole experience.
First off I just want to clarify that I'm going into long rant/story mode so be prepared. I'm doing this both to organize my thoughts and because I would like suggestions on my situation and how to correct it next time I'm in a similiar situation. Just thought I should make a note of that.
I guess I should probably try to give some basic information about the degree and type of shyness I experience. I'm most shy in one on one situations with people I don't know a great deal about. I just don't know how to get to know people very well unless there one of those few people who I immediately feel comfortable talking to. I generally don't feel to shy when I'm speaking in front of a large group and I actually played guitar in the school talent show in front of a crowd that topped 1000 with very little nervousness at all (how that works I have utterly no clue). But as communicating with small groups of people or individuals I really have a problem. I think my biggest problem is starting a conversation and keeping it going once it is started. After a little while i just run out of ideas of things to talk about and then that really unsettling silence sets in (I have a feeling you all know what I'm talking about on this one ...whoever said silence is golden is completely full of shit).
Okay, enough about that, time to get to the story. I'll try to stay on subject (no promises)...just try to bear with me if I go off on a tangent.
The thing that has brought me here is, not to surprisingly, a girl- just to lessen the confusion with names I'll tell you her name is Amber. A few months ago one of my friends told me basically "hey, you're going to prom with this chick"...being the shy dude that I am I was pretty stand-off-ish about the whole idea and for a couple weeks there was no talk about it at all and I pretty much forgot about it. Well, three weeks ago me and a guy were talking in class and he told me that Amber was expecting to go to prom with me. At that point I didn't even know what the hell her name was but I was sure it was the girl friend #1 was talking about. I told the guy I didn't know a thing about the girl but, yeah, I think we are goig to prom together. After we talked a little longer he said he could get me her phone number, and a couple of days later he gave me Amber's number.
Okay, fast forward to two weeks prior to the prom and I have Amber's number and I'm trying to sum up the courage to give the girl a call. Finally I manage and ask her if she wants to go out and do something that Friday night. Thankfully she said yes (and she sounded really damn cute as well which is a plus) and we ended up deciding on going to a soccer game. I'd stumbled around quite a bit during the phone conversation and it only ended up being about 3 or 4 minutes long but I was just happy to make it out alive and without being too embarrased but it was pretty obvious that shyness had really dominated the conversation on my part.
That Friday I picked her up at her house and for the first 10 minutes we hit it off quite well. Plus she was really cute to my relief (I try not to be obsessive about that but when you're going on a blind date it's definately nice to be with someone you're physically attracted to). We made good conversation and all was well and good...then we got to the game. At this point I utterly clammed up and we barely said anything more than a few sentences for the whole game. I was pretty damn embarassed because we'd just sat there for about an hour and hadn't really talked at all but we DID end up talking again while we were leaving the game and during the car ride back (a small victory I suppose).
Thankfully, I managed to remember to ask her what color her dress was going to be for prom and all the needed details and I managed to get everything ready without running into any problems as far as the prom preparation.
Since there really isn't much to talk about as far as the preparation itself I'm going to fast forward yet again to prom night.
I was kind of nervous about seeing her again because of how bad the date had been the week before but I just told myself that I would have to be more talkative and that things would end up working out. I met her parents (who were pretty cool) and some other family and friends of hers and everything went relatively well although when they took pictures I had a pretty hard time smiling which has already been a problem for me. I don't mind smiling but when it's forced in front of a camera I have a really hard time doing it unless someone makes me laugh.
As far as Amber herself...she looked absolutely beautiful. I consider myself lucky that I could talk at all because normally I can barely manage to talk around a girl I find cute. I managed to break out of that shell a little and asked her a couple of questions on our way out to dinner. The dinner itself also went well as we held the conversation relatively well even if it stalled at times. I still think it went pretty damn good.
After that things went downhill quite a bit as far as conversation went. I just couldn't think of anything to talk about. Once in a while we'd talk but for the most part it was just silence. It wasn't as bad as the soccer game but I could tell it was approaching it quickly. Things really didn't change much when we got to the actual prom either. We met one of her friends there and that helped a little bit because it brought two more people into the conversation and we didn't just have to rely on two-way conversation but I still thought i was pretty lacking in the area. This lasted pretty much until we started taking pictures and then I loosened up a bit (surprisingly considering it was pictures). For about the next hour things went well. We were having a pretty good time and we did the grand march (all the prom-goers do a little walk through the gym and the parents all take pictures) which went really well.
After that we got to the actual prom part of things and we ended up going through a spurt of about half an hour with no conversation whatsoever. We ended up slow-dancing a couple times which helped relieve the tension a couple times but we ended up leaving prom earlier because we both agreed it was getting boring.
We ended up going to her friend Jackie's house for about an hour and spent the time talking between the three of us. The conversation went pretty well but eventually Amber said that she was getting tired and was going to go home (she had her car at Jackie's house so I didn't have to drive her home)... We said good bye and that's pretty much the end of the story.
Now, we're finally in the present (two days after prom) and I'm thinking about calling Amber and asking her if she wants to go on a date Friday night. The big problem is that I'm starting to look back over the night and I have a feeling that she really didn't want to go on another date. There are just a lot of signs that I think signaled that she wouldn't want to go on another date. Still, I really like her (as much as one can when you're 18 and barely talked on two dates anyways) and I know if I don't call her and find out for sure I'm going to really regret it. I think I'll be able to gather the courage to call her again even if I think I'm going to get rejected as far as the date goes but for now I'm just trying to think of what to say and how to say it.
Now we get to what the whole point of this thread was. I'd really like to hear about your own experiences in date type situations both good and bad. And I'd also like to know if you guys can give me pointers or direct me to a thread on this board (as I'm sure this has been covered to tremendous lengths) or another webpage with advice on how to avoid the same problem when I date again.
I think my biggest problem is running out of things to talk about. So if you can give me some ideas on how to just keep talking I would really appreciate it.
Okay, I think I'm done typing for now. Sorry if this whole thing seems really jumbled and disorganized but this is the first time I've put this down in writing (so to speak) so my mind is still a little scrambled. I'll try to organize it a little better when my head is cleared and i have time to sit down and rethink over this whole experience.
good feature. Anyways i havent tried it at all, but i"ll let you know, my purpose is, shyness, scare of talking to girls, cant keep conversations going, scare people are judging me, nervous about what to say to a girl(new friend) , embrassed easily, worried about things, negative thinking about myself. no confidence. 
