I need to ask someone...

[PunkyMonkey]

Hi guys...I'm not as new here as I seem, I used to have another account but I really disappeared when school started and I had no time to go online. I always read a lot that is said here.

Anyway-mostly, I haven't really been much better. My social anxiety still gets in the way of everything. How anxious I am, and act, determines how every day goes for me. It also makes me very depressed, and there is really no one I can tell about it. Sometimes, I can hardly go on and I can't control my crying.

I think I really need help. SA has affected me in school, right now it's affecting me in my summer job, and I am afraid it will ruin my experience in college this fall. I have no idea what to do though. I have tried talking to my parents about it, telling them how miserable I sometimes am, but they tell me I am just shy and that I need to learn to live with it. I was too afraid to ask my mom to help me get therapy or something. For a while last year, I was completely broken down and I did some things that made my parents realize there was something wrong. My mom told me that getting any drugs would ruin my life, but that was what I had chosen, and she said she would take me to a doctor. It was a big relief to hear that, actuall, but she seeed to forget about it, and now my parents still think I am entirely alright. So my relief was gone. I went on, and still am going on, just trying my best.

I guess what I'm asking is, is it worth it to try to get help, even if my parents think that it will destroy who I am and make me less of a person? Is it worth bringing it up, or should I just go on trying to act like I'm perfectly OK? Well, I know I should, because sometimes I know...I need to. I know I can't go on this way forever, it's affecting my quality of life. Is it as bad as my parents think though? Will getting me help be a huge fortune that they couldn't afford? Ha, that's a dumb thing to ask, but is it out of the question for people? Is it something huge that will really make my parents angry? If anyone has any suggestions, I would really appreciate them.

The reason that I am really asking this right now is that if I want to do something, this week I have a chance to do it. On Thursday I have a doctors appointment so I can get shots I need for college. Since it's a new doctor, I need to have a physical before I can get the shots. So, should I say something?? And if I should, then how? How do I bring something like this up, and will my doctor know how to answer me?

I feel really awkward asking all of this but I need to ask somewhere, becase I have no idea how to go about this. I would be grateful for any help....

 

[LemonKiss]

How strange. I think I'm in the exact same position as you.

Every day I tell myself, just tell your mom, you need to do something about this because you are getting worse. But I can't tell her because she thinks I am just fine and I don't want her to be disappointed in me. Also, I don't know if she has the money because we don't really have much, or any.

You're going to college and you have a job. That's sooo great. I really hope you can find a way to talk to your parents about your problem, even though they may not think it's as bad as you say, because you shouldn't have to suffer so much, especially if there is something that will help.

Good luck.

 

[seekingpeace]

Your parents are just like everyone else, if they haven't experienced SA, they probably don't understand. And they have their own shit going on, and sometimes they just don't want to face things that are unpleasant. If you can find a way to talk to them calmly, perhaps print out the symptons of SA, circle yours, hand it to them and say "this is how I feel", most parents are going to address the issue. Try to choose a time when they are relaxed and there's not anyone else around. As for the money, if your parents have health insurance, it's likely that some, if not most, of the expenses will be covered by insurance.

Talk to your doctor. Doctors are different too, some will be kind and understanding and some may act indifferent, but it is their job to try to help you. Once again, take a printout of symptoms with you and ask the doctor for advice on how to deal with the problem.

Take advantage of services at school. Talk to the school nurse or guidance counselor. If you don't want them talking to your parents about it, ask them first if the things you tell them are confidential. They should be able to tell you where you can go for help. Most colleges have medical and psych services available to students for free or very low cost.

I wish I had known what my problem was when I was younger and had reached out. I've wasted many years of my life and ruined a lot of friendships by living in denial and thinking I could go it alone. I still have never told my parents about any of this, but it hasn't kept them from being disappointed in me because they look at my life and wonder why I haven't "lived up to my potential" or gotten married and had children. I live alone and I support myself, but I don't have much to show for my life because I'm too afraid to try for more.

Good luck to all of you and I hope you handle this better than I did. Trust me, you can't just ignore it and hope it goes away.

 

[plainsofserenity]

Talk to your doctor. and though medication may help what you REALLY want is therapy. (If I pill cured SA, this site wouldn't be here).
It is not about your parents or what they think.
If you find SA is affecting your quality of life certainly do something about.

...but it's therapy you want. Start with your doctor.

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Thank you guys so much for answering. I really needed to hear something, because I did not know if this was the right way to go about things.

I hope that anyone who needs help can get it somehow, I guess I don't need to describe how difficult SA is because that's why you're all even listening to me, so thank you!
I have talked to my parents about it before, a while ago, but only when I was completely broken down. My mom was just about as shy as I was, and so was her dad, but she still only told me that being shy was something hard that I had to deal with. I've always felt that my 'shyness' was just a weakness, and that I would have to manage it. When things happened last year, my mom pretty much threatened me with telling me she was going to take me to a doctor. I don"t think she realized that that was exactly what I wanted. Since then, I've been trying as hard as ever. I mostly work on the steps from Painfully Shy, but even that book recommends getting help from other places. I tried not to avoid doing things so I got a part time job, and I am going to be moving up to college in about a month. My parents think everything is wonderful because I go to work and then hang out with friends. But I don't need to tell anyone here that it's not all OK. My job is especially hard for me.
So thank you for everything you've all told me. This time when the doctor asks me if I have any questions, instead of saying no and smiling, I will turn bright red and tell her what is going on. It's a step at least. And maybe my parents will listen more closely and realize that everything is not perfectly OK, if I at least try this.
As for money- my family lives pretty "normally" ( I have no better description), but I am a little nervous especially because of college expenses. And speaking of college, seekingpeace, that's a good idea. I have thought of going to my councelor when I start school. I am pretty sure that my first 5 visits to our psychiatrist are completely free. If nothing else, that is what I'll do, if I can get the nerve to ask about it.
And thank you all again, it's so good to be able to talk about how nervous and uncertain I am about this and have people listen and respond.

 

[Kevj]

Oh my god! "PunkyMonkey" your situation/condition is not a weakness! Your mother is shy and that explains a whole LOT. You have been conditioned to be so shy by your upbringing.

Both my parents were shy and I have suffered long over SA (It effects my life much less - now I'm in my thirties).

We have all been/are in the same boat. You were born into this world alone and you will die alone - do what you have to do for YOURSELF, now. You have spent your lifetime up till now trying to please your parents (perfectly natural). Now, your an adult (or young adult) it's time to be free of that burden and focus on your own life and well-being.

If YOU don't feel 'right' then YOU have to do something to feel 'right' again. We love our Mum's and we want to do what they want - but Mum's have their own lives and problems to deal with, when it comes to your own feelings and states YOU and you alone are responsible.

So yes, seek help right away, life is short and you are too precious. Throw yourself at your 'problem'.

Visit councillors, read up on SA, research drugs and their effects/side effects, try meditation and mindfulness/awareness (growing in acceptance as very effective and most likely to be effect for SA - though very challenging for young people worth adding to your repertoire of tools), read, study, ask around - the world is your oyster and just waiting for you to get out there and find the freedom you and all humans deserve. There is no time like the present.

PS. For all SA suffers this book is a true gift.

There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/09...760967/ref=sr_1_1/102-9074118-5265725?ie=UTF8

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Thank you Kevj...that's like exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I really know I can't go on this way anymore. I'm getting so nervous because my boss is sending me to another store, where I'll be a 'sales representative' at a grand reopening. They'll count how much I sell, and they'll even watch me. I don't know why he chose me-I can hardly handle the customer service in my own store right now. I have to get used to entirely new people and everything. I'm afraid it will be too much and I won't be able to handle it, whether I do well or not.

It's funny, but one of my best friends is really quiet too, and her parents are also very shy, so I see it's a lot to do with parents. I've been able to talk to my own mom about it and she's been supportive and comforting, but she says eventually I'll be able to speak up, and it is hard, and that's it. But I'm kind of afraid for myself...I don't think I can wait for it to just get better.

But thank you, I know I have to do all this if I think I need to. And thanks for suggesting that book, I love to read what other people recommend.