I need help badly

[mike_79]

Hi my name is Mike and I am just about to turn 28 years old.

I live at home with my parents. I don't have a job and Iam EXTREMELY afraid of driving a car. I am house bound. I have no social life what so ever. My life consists of sleeping, eating and staying in my bedroom on my computer or playing music or videogames.
I am also gay if that matters. I am not comfortable with who i am but i accept it.

I have a very low self esteem and am very self concious.
I hate going out in public because i feel like I am being watched or talked about. I won't even cross the street to get the mail because standing there waiting for cars to pass is so awkward for me. It's as if everyone who sees me is looking and talking about me.

I really HATE being around people. I hate family gatherings because i don;t fit in ANYWHERE. I feel like the minority wherever I go.

Sooner or later my parents won't be here to let me mooch off them and then i will be screwed. I have no future what so ever. I am quite certain that i will NEVER EVER EVER EVER drive a car. I have tried it and i won;'t do it again. So this means that i need to move somewhere wil public transportation so i can get around. But then part of me doesn't even want to get a job because of the whole thing with not wanting to be around people. My oldest sister knows someone who is on disability because she is like me kind of. So maybe that could be a possability for me I don't know.

I don't know what to do or where to go or how to begin. I have no motivation. The only reason I am writing on this forum is because I don;'t have to look at any of you. It is so much easier this way. But i fea that i will probably have to go seek therapy. Especially after today because today i just snapped.......and threw a bunch of stuff around the house and broke some chairs and told my pregnant sister that i hope her baby dies and told my whole family that i hated them. It has been the worst day of my life. I deeply regret waking up today.
I wish i had a time machine.

please tell me what is wrong with me

 

[Foxglove]

Hi Mike. I really don't feel qualified to give you advice, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. It sounds to me like you have a combination of depression, agoraphobia and social phobia. Do you think you could get some psychiatric help? With professional help and the right medication, you might be able to conquer at least some of your fears. I wish you all the luck in the world, and send you a big cyber hug.

 

[FaymeLevy]

Wow, I just wanted to say, its amazing (and a little scary) how alike we are. Only I am 4 years younger...and female. 8O

I deal with the exact same fears as you on a daily basis. So obviously, I can't give real advice either. But I do wish you luck in seeking therapy, if you do so. I was going to, but believe it or not, that's one thing my mother refuses to pay for. Go figure.

 

[recluse]

Hi mike, just want to say that I can relate to a lot of the stuff in your post.

 

[YankeeBob]

self disclosure

my name is Bob and I live.......( DRUM ROLL ) in Australia.

I am reading a book at the moment written by an American, Terrence Real. Its called "I Don't Want to Talk About It".

He makes the point that boys/teenagers/adult men ...suffer from a condition called "covert depression".

If it goes undiagnosed it means years of pain/confusion/ fog.

The source of this "illness" is a hollowness. A sense of something being missing.

Loneliness, few or no friends. low self esteem....are some of the symptoms.

I would urge you .....if you identify with these issues....to consider....when you are ready ( and some of us like myself wait until they are in their early 50s )....to read this book and decide to get help.

Or ask for help from a family doctor or school psychologist.

There is no shame in saying "I have a problem and I need help".

Though it does take Courage to do so.

Take care. Be well.