I"m dying inside

[CrazyGirl]

No one can see it but I can feel it. Its invisible to others who know me so it makes hard to talk about it except to my counselor. I started taking St. John's Wort. I refuse to take anything by prescription fearing it will deaden my emotions even more. I think about dying EVERYDAY. I believe Heaven is similar to the U.P. in Michigan, United States. To anyone that has been there, its one of the most beautiful places in the world.
I'm dyin' inside.

I don't know how to get the doctors to prescribe me painkillers like oxys or vidicon.

So, for now I take 650mg tylenol, 7 of them. Its one of my lucky #, taking them all at once.

Then occasionally, drink beer. usually 2-4 at a time when I do. More than 4 doesn't happen very often.

About 1 or 2x a week I drink 5 of those little power energy shots within 2hrs. Makes me sick when I do it.

I love McD's double cheeseburgers, been eatin' them almost everyday.

 

[Tomasso]

I took St. Johns Wort for a while. It didn't really work that well for me. It made me have less anxiety, but it also made me content to not speak at all, which I didn't like. I also like McDonald's cheeseburgers, but the McDonalds is too far away from where I am

 

[EscapeArtist]

Coincidentially, the way to feel like you don't want to die inside or like dying doesn't feel good is to stop hurting yourself, especially with bad health habits like cheeseburgers, and of course the other more obvious ways that you are hurting yourself with. I can promise you that if you eat whole food and exercise or do whatever you see as 'healthy' you will feel more like you want to live.

I am trying St. John's Wort now and don't feel much honestly.... At least i'm not getting horrible reactions like the perscribed pharmaceuticals. Also, vicodin/oxys may seem magical but the withdrawal is even more pain than you're in now, more pain than pleasure and way more reality than escape, for any drug in fact