I know I'm wrong

[alex29]

I usually don't like getting attention but its a basic human need to crave it every once in a while. But because people don't expect me to ask for help with anything it makes it very difficult for me to get any. I'm ashamed of needing support of any kind.

I feel like I should be able to care of myself. At the same time I have no problem with hearing other peoples problems. I know that it's natural and that everyone gets emotional, upset, lonely, sad, but I fear showing any of this to other people. I feel that I should be better than that but I don't expect anyone else to be.

And then I start worrying that maybe I subconsciously feel superior to everyone else, which I don't want. I am not confident enough to really believe I'm superior to everyone else. I juts don't want to appear weak.

The truth is I'm a mess right now and I feel like I have no one to turn to, even though I know this is not true. A good number of my friends would help me and not want me to be like this. The support system is there I just won't let myself get to it.

And even if I felt comfortable opening up to other people, when would i do it? If they're in a good mood I don't want to spoil it with my whining but if they're in a bad mood I don't want to bring them down further!

I consider other peoples feelings too much. I don't think of myself enough. Even simple decisions like where to go for lunch or what to do on weekends are difficult because I don't want to disappoint my friends. I don't want them to think I have bad ideas and I don't want to pressure them into something they don't want to do because they feel they have to satisfy me too, so I just let them pick.

Someone will ask me how I am and I'll say not so good and when they ask why I tell them nevermind or that "I'll get over it" and move away from the subject right away. Really this is my way of saying "please reach out to me and make me open up because I'm not capable of doing this myself" but it never works and I know it's foolish to expect it to.

If I know it's allright to ask for support why can't I do it? It's like I forget I have feelings and desires too. But I'm just as human as anyone else...

 

[dottie]

i'm very tired right now so i don't have a lot to say except that i really relate to your post. i feel almost a sense of desperation for someone to urge me to open up, a push, but that never comes.

 

[paindrivenlife]

I relate too chief.

 

[IknowIhaveSP]

I usually don't like getting attention but its a basic human need to crave it every once in a while. But because people don't expect me to ask for help with anything it makes it very difficult for me to get any. I'm ashamed of needing support of any kind.

I feel like I should be able to care of myself. At the same time I have no problem with hearing other peoples problems. I know that it's natural and that everyone gets emotional, upset, lonely, sad, but I fear showing any of this to other people. I feel that I should be better than that but I don't expect anyone else to be.

And then I start worrying that maybe I subconsciously feel superior to everyone else, which I don't want. I am not confident enough to really believe I'm superior to everyone else. I juts don't want to appear weak.

The truth is I'm a mess right now and I feel like I have no one to turn to, even though I know this is not true. A good number of my friends would help me and not want me to be like this. The support system is there I just won't let myself get to it.

And even if I felt comfortable opening up to other people, when would i do it? If they're in a good mood I don't want to spoil it with my whining but if they're in a bad mood I don't want to bring them down further!

I consider other peoples feelings too much. I don't think of myself enough. Even simple decisions like where to go for lunch or what to do on weekends are difficult because I don't want to disappoint my friends. I don't want them to think I have bad ideas and I don't want to pressure them into something they don't want to do because they feel they have to satisfy me too, so I just let them pick.

Someone will ask me how I am and I'll say not so good and when they ask why I tell them nevermind or that "I'll get over it" and move away from the subject right away. Really this is my way of saying "please reach out to me and make me open up because I'm not capable of doing this myself" but it never works and I know it's foolish to expect it to.

If I know it's allright to ask for support why can't I do it? It's like I forget I have feelings and desires too. But I'm just as human as anyone else...

You always let them pick the place to go but they never think if you like it or not, right? Because other people only want to do what they want to do and dont worry what other people think about. We just have to do the same. That's it. I started doing that. Not always but you feel better when you dont care what others think. They just agree when you insist. The point is just to be with your friends, why the place should be that much problem then.

 

[alex29]

You always let them pick the place to go but they never think if you like it or not, right? Because other people only want to do what they want to do and dont worry what other people think about. We just have to do the same. That's it. I started doing that. Not always but you feel better when you dont care what others think. They just agree when you insist. The point is just to be with your friends, why the place should be that much problem then.

They don'talways agree when i insist tho. sometimes they complain and i hate hearing that because it makes the time out unpleasant for everyone. i just don't complain when i'm not happy with where we are, so there are no problems.

If they do agree with doing something i like then I always feel awkward because i feel like they are just going along with it to make me happy, not because they really want to do it.

i guess what i'm trying to say is i want to please everyone, myself included, but i would hardly ever look to please myself before making sure everyone else was happy.