I just wish I were dead
- Thread starter Foxglove
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Doomed2Die
Well-known member
dorian said:
I do, at least as much one can understand it while living anyway. Quite simply there is no easy way out in this system, one cannot simply cease to exist without the very creator having his way with you, he is life, we are born in life and ect. Who are we to make judgement on the very essence that is life?
As for beyond death? There is no sufferering, there is only the dark and uneventful unconsciousness, no memory, no thinking. But its not the end. The thing to remember about God, or life for that matter, is its primary attribute. And that (prehaps cheesy in our current state of society for some) is love, and no loving creature will ever wrought eternal sufferering apon their own children.
You or anyone does not want to simply un-exsist indefinitely. You may feel so at times, as many people, but its NOT what you want its not what life is. I understand the want and will for oblivion, and I have came to know it is not, but rather the want and will for difference for within... the spirit/life refuses and strives against where as our minds and heart are fickle in the face of anguish.
Masamune your first quotation is mostly correct from my POV, death is sleep not finality and within it we become perfectly oblivious and yet it is not full out oblivion. And yes heh those dreams are all too common for me, waking up and hating exisitance, wishing to just be realeased from consiousness ect. Not sure about the second one however... it is true that depravity and overly lengthy entertainment primary is used for those seeking escape.
Also Dorian, there is much to live for it is just a matter of being shown what is so great about it. It is my knowledge MANY people have yet to see things in a certain light, a light that is both inspiring and strengthening at the same time. Finally it is not your life to take. (example. what if you was to murder? Suicide is essentially the same thing. Disregard for life).
[Unrelated but im sorry if any replies are slow from me, im in one of those sleep deprived/depressive cycles that I get all to often, laughable because its brought on by denying ignorance. Simply put, things previously mundane have an all so terrible look about them when brought into the light (society). Its a bad habit anyway, I get too worked up other things at times and it brings me down.]
pamrla
Active member
if only??
if only i could disapper. i face so many hardships i long for the day it all ends. they gave me six months, but thats still to much.everyday its more misery and upset. i just wish it would stop. i think very hard about ending it now but i think deep down i'm a coward. i have all the nessasary things done. will,funeral arraingments,services. i hate the longgivity of things. i am so ready but still it goes on.
if only i could disapper. i face so many hardships i long for the day it all ends. they gave me six months, but thats still to much.everyday its more misery and upset. i just wish it would stop. i think very hard about ending it now but i think deep down i'm a coward. i have all the nessasary things done. will,funeral arraingments,services. i hate the longgivity of things. i am so ready but still it goes on.
pamrla
Active member
god or no god!
i thought i'd share my veiwpoint. i have lived in a nursinghome, and all the people scream "god help me" does he? no i died. it was so peaceful but no i had to get dragged back for some unknown reason. it disstresses me some times but who am i to ask questions?
i thought i'd share my veiwpoint. i have lived in a nursinghome, and all the people scream "god help me" does he? no i died. it was so peaceful but no i had to get dragged back for some unknown reason. it disstresses me some times but who am i to ask questions?
Doomed2Die
Well-known member
I have little to say in light of your experience parmla, it's sobering to say the least.
And questions, questions are good... not enough questions are asked if you have not found the answers. At the risk of sterotyping humanity, I'd say the average human society is founded too much on vanity and personal truths. If there is factual black and white, there is no room for grey or confusion.
Heh, you know when someone is lost when they refuse to look for answers.
I hope you find your answers parmla. I know I have.
And questions, questions are good... not enough questions are asked if you have not found the answers. At the risk of sterotyping humanity, I'd say the average human society is founded too much on vanity and personal truths. If there is factual black and white, there is no room for grey or confusion.
Heh, you know when someone is lost when they refuse to look for answers.
I hope you find your answers parmla. I know I have.
spectator
Well-known member
Horatio said:
This is exactly how I am now. I feel like I'm trapped in a corpse. I walk around like a zombie. I really don't care what people say about me, I mean, I genuinely don't care. But it's very dangerous to become an iron-coated beast like this. I'm losing touch with reality, and every day feels like a dream, not being awake. But I can't really call it the depression that I used to have. Now it's more like emptiness, like losing emotions, like becoming robotic and...I don't know which "mode" is better.
Doomed2Die
Well-known member
Kind of like emotional scarring? Scar tissue has less sensivity and is caused by harm.
parmla I have found more help than I can wish for from the bible, but I should also mention it was during studies with local Jehovah's Witnesses, for me the potential is obvious, honest folk who are both willing to learn and question their knowledge. Studying the bible solely is fine enough but they do help alot, there is alot more to it other than simply people who study the bible though, in all honesty even if I knew nothing about the bible and God I would say they are the most Christian-like people around.
I should also add im pretty skeptical about things and dismiss things easily, what I have learned studing and reading the bible simply cannot be dismissed at all.
parmla I have found more help than I can wish for from the bible, but I should also mention it was during studies with local Jehovah's Witnesses, for me the potential is obvious, honest folk who are both willing to learn and question their knowledge. Studying the bible solely is fine enough but they do help alot, there is alot more to it other than simply people who study the bible though, in all honesty even if I knew nothing about the bible and God I would say they are the most Christian-like people around.
This is a quote from another book in one of their mini-books, and for me is the perfect description of someone open minded.
I should also add im pretty skeptical about things and dismiss things easily, what I have learned studing and reading the bible simply cannot be dismissed at all.
scorpion
Well-known member
Iam not sick of the body i have been a healthy person, iam young, i have a well paid job, but every day a feel iam a delayed courpse. I feel there is nothing to live for. Sometimes i whatch the news, someone with a great future on the way dies and i think, what a waist, should have been me. I just cant stop feeling like a waist, what a waist of time if i could give my youth my health, my life to anyone who could use better, i would in an instance.
txjeepin
Member
i understand exactly where you are coming from. for the past 5 years of my life i have had waves of ups and downs about not wanting to live anymore. i still do. recently i became plagued with pure obsession (intrusive thought) and this has increased my depression levels far beyond what they used to be.
right now i feel like one day i feel fine then the next i feel like my life is no where. i currently am in college with no friends, never had a girl friend. i don't do anything. i have social anxiety and so it is very hard for me to go places besides my home and school. all of these things put so much weight on my shoulders i feel as if i can't take it anymore.
however, i find that occupying yourself with something you love, something you are passionate about, can greatly affect your mood and current thought process. for me, it is listening to music and riding my jeep with the top off. i play the guitar as well and that helps ALOT. i play at least an hour a day and that is my time of bliss.
i look back and realize i have wasted 5 years of my life (i am 19) with depression. i don't want it to continue but my mind always comes up with new ways to justify my sadness. it is like a never ending cycle.
I guess my most important advice is to SEEK HELP from a professional. if anything it feels great to tell a stranger your feelings because you know that they will have no judgments about you. i did just recently and has calmed my thoughts of suicide to almost 100% gone. i feel so much better coming out of the pychologists office and it might just be what you need to make you feel good about yourself.
right now i feel like one day i feel fine then the next i feel like my life is no where. i currently am in college with no friends, never had a girl friend. i don't do anything. i have social anxiety and so it is very hard for me to go places besides my home and school. all of these things put so much weight on my shoulders i feel as if i can't take it anymore.
however, i find that occupying yourself with something you love, something you are passionate about, can greatly affect your mood and current thought process. for me, it is listening to music and riding my jeep with the top off. i play the guitar as well and that helps ALOT. i play at least an hour a day and that is my time of bliss.
i look back and realize i have wasted 5 years of my life (i am 19) with depression. i don't want it to continue but my mind always comes up with new ways to justify my sadness. it is like a never ending cycle.
I guess my most important advice is to SEEK HELP from a professional. if anything it feels great to tell a stranger your feelings because you know that they will have no judgments about you. i did just recently and has calmed my thoughts of suicide to almost 100% gone. i feel so much better coming out of the pychologists office and it might just be what you need to make you feel good about yourself.
ioanna
Well-known member
i know how you feel.i posted something similar.i cant believe that there are people thinking like me.i dont know if we can change the way of thinking like this but no matter how many times i say i ll try to get better i dont.the only thing is now that i become creative i write poems and sometimes i relax even if its difficult.i say if i die nowone will understand why i did it but now i dont know what to think
pamrla
Active member
glad to be one of the many!
i never realised before how many there are of us. i firmly believe hell is here on earth.maybe someday one of us will come up with a majical answer to all this pain we feel.i know it helps realizeing that i'm not alone. but gee there are so many of us!times get harder and harder. i do so look forward to coming here and letting it all hang out. i just wish someone would write to me privately,but since that does'nt happen THANK GOODNESS FOR THIS SITE!
i never realised before how many there are of us. i firmly believe hell is here on earth.maybe someday one of us will come up with a majical answer to all this pain we feel.i know it helps realizeing that i'm not alone. but gee there are so many of us!times get harder and harder. i do so look forward to coming here and letting it all hang out. i just wish someone would write to me privately,but since that does'nt happen THANK GOODNESS FOR THIS SITE!
blonderedhead
Well-known member
pamrla I'm going to write to you. I as well cant believe how many of us there actually are. I had no idea. I get these really dark days where as soon as I wake up I start crying. It feels like such a hassle just to get up anymore. But I know that theres way too much beauty. i havent found much of it yet but I have hope. Its probably hard for us to see this now since so many of us feel like absolute sh*t but I think theres even beauty in breaking down. I think it makes us all a little more soulful than some other people who've never experienced these sort of things at all. Know what I mean? Well the best of luck to everyone
pamrla
Active member
thank goodness other people are here!
i'm so glad someone finnally answered me.i was told i didn't have long to live so i decided to make things right with my son.well needless to say he took advantage of me,i fell for all his pretty words-stupid!!!i tried to overlook the drugs ,thievery and plain destruction we were apart 3 years i thought he really changed-right any way he handed me my head on a platter.how can anyone be as dumb as me!!!
i'm so glad someone finnally answered me.i was told i didn't have long to live so i decided to make things right with my son.well needless to say he took advantage of me,i fell for all his pretty words-stupid!!!i tried to overlook the drugs ,thievery and plain destruction we were apart 3 years i thought he really changed-right any way he handed me my head on a platter.how can anyone be as dumb as me!!!
blonderedhead
Well-known member
aww why? theres no need. I always read something I've posted and say oh jeez that was really stupid... haha... but its not. Its totally okay to share what you're feeling. I mean thats never a bad thing. I hope everything is okay with your son though and that you are okay. Take care.