I just realized.................

[Ericisme]

Ok, so I am planning on getting my GED in a few months, but then I realized this. Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing(check), sweating (check), trembling(double check), palpitations, nausea, stammering(double check), and panic attacks(not yet). That is only at family things(thanksgiving), so if I am gonna go to a SCHOOL like this......who knows what the hell is gonna happen. Worse yet part of the reason I am like this is because of people I once knew, so if I were to see one of them people there, I know for a fact I would run as fast as possible, but what if something unexpected happens, I trip, he talks to me, or anything.

If I were to get out of there after something like that, I would probably never be able to leave the house again(should have seen me when one called me to invite me to a party). I might be able to do it if nobody I once knew showed up, but I mean if that did happen... I wanna give up just from thinking of that. No, I can't get it anywhere else, we(my mom) got no money for that. By the way, all of this is even while I know my sister is gonna be there. I was planning on getting my GED, a job, move atleast 3 hours away from here as soon as possible. As long as I am not here I could probably function a lot easier.

If I wasn't here I could go for a walk outside during the day, instead of midnight to 4 in the morning(weekends are scary), etc. Don't tell me to try to face my fear of the people here, thats stupid, oh and so are you.

I don't know what the point of this is, I just realized all of this shit an hour ago and got kinda pissed and then depressed. But I guess it will all fade away when I get up tomorrow and get on the Xbox 360 to my fantasy life with my fantasy friends... Until I get back on the computer...

I realized something else, you guys don't give a shit, I am just posting random shit that nobody cares about, you guys got problems to, probably worse, im just a weak kid tho. I love how this is the only place\people where I can tell this stuff to, that totaly makes me happy...

 

[Helyna]

Well, a change of scene apparently can be good for improving anxiety. Will you still be living at home? Even moving to an apartment in the same town could help for a change. If you run into one of the people who made you this way, do not run. That is what bullies would love to see. Just walk on past, and if they say something to you, say something along the lines of "I don't want to talk to you. I have my own life." Or just ignore them.

 

[Ericisme]

To be honest, not all are bullies, a lot are probably my friends or atleast kinda. If you rejected your friends for months, then just disappeared off the face of the earth for 2 more years, what would you say?

I swear I have some weird mood swings sometimes, I feel like I might be able to get my GED now, even if someone I knew was there, I don't know why I keep thinking that. I guess when I think about it, getting my GED would be really worth it cuz it would be impossible to funcion in society without it and with social phobia. It is gonna suck tho, I will be so afraid while doing the test, I probably won't be able to think, even tho I think really slow already. Guess I will have to try it.