I just realized I'm afraid of girls who try to get close to me!

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Lilium

Member
And it's only now that I've realized this! How could I not have noticed it? Christ, you think you know yourself...

I just realized all these nervous feelings I've had in the past was all due to fear of commitment and pushing attraction away. Once there was this fairly-attractive girl who felt I was alone and down on the mood but really I was anti-social at the time and she decided to befriend me (and told me why after awhile). So she became my friend and we would talk and whatnot. And what I regret, was that sometimes I would push her away (some of the times I was angry and didn't feel like talking to anyone but I still regret it!) and even ignore her for a little bit. She would always greet me whenever she could. This year in HS (freshmen) I've completely noticed that I lost a good opportunity to get much closer to her and then some...

We're still friends/ great acquaintances and we still greet each other from time to time.

Even worse, currently I have this friend who's a girl. We kid around that we're bf/gf an all that jazz and lately she's been asking me if I really like her or not or if I want to go out of her. I told her I didn't want to be in a relationship and that I was a little afraid. That's true. But I'm also not as attracted to her as she is to me. But I don't wanna put her down so we still kid around.

And there's a couple more girls, or this other girl, where I feel nervous or fearful whenever they say hi or come to talk to me with big smiles. It might also be because I feel submissive when they come to me this way.

Has this ever happened to any of you? How can I help fight this feeling? This is probably the reason I'm afraid to approach some girls.
 
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klytus

Well-known member
It's impressive that you actually get sufficient attention to know that you avoid situations which might lead to having a girlfriend. What exactly do you complain about?

Stop being avoidant and accept that there are people who openly feel attracted to you. Reciprocate if you feel like it - and if you don't, then kindly reject, accept that you are likable, and move on. Seriously, most men on here dream of feeling at least once in their lifetime attractive enough for perhaps just a half-way decent girl.
 
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userremoved

Guest
Do you consider yourself inadequate or unworthy for love or that they might reject you once they get to see who you are on the inside? If that's the issue then I guess you can start on working there. And yes some of us would kill to have your romantic luck.
 
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Lilium

Member
But you guys don't get it!

I know many would kill to have a situation like me and be grateful, but in modern HS this is common and everyone is kinda loose witth gestures and and whtnot. Everybody gives hugs and kisses just for being a simple friend, or even people you really don't know. I'm also deeply afraid that I'd be insignificant in a relationship, so yes jneal25.

In my HS, and I'm sure a bunch in other modern schools, it's not that hard to get smiles or hugs from girls.

And the the thing I don't how to react or respond to them. How do I even really they know that they feel attracted to me? They probably felt the need to be nice. That girl who I lost my chance with has a bunch of friends and acquaintances and she said to me that she used to be lonely herself at one which is why she finds herself to be befriend in the same situation as me. I don't think it was because she felt attracted to me. She thinks I'm miserable and tries to cheer me up. It took me what, 3-4 years to have the confidence and self-esteem that I have now? And it was all because I realized I wouldn't do anything and get no chances without 'em. Yes, I get sufficent attention, but everyone in my school mostly does.

We kid around alot in my freshman year. It's a very common thing.

I don't how to stop being avoidant. And I can't help my non-attraction to that girl. I'm a bit shallow on this opnly because of my male instincts.


Thankf for the replies.
 
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DownInAHole

Well-known member
I've done the same thing. Every time a girl seems interested I seem to have an excuse to not pursue her any further, or don't make a good enough effort. Also, I always get apprehensive of my lack of relationship experience being brought up, so I avoid getting to close. However, if I would have just put more effort in, I wouldn't be where I am now.
It's frustrating :/
 
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klytus

Well-known member
DownInAHole said:
I've done the same thing. Every time a girl seems interested I seem to have an excuse to not pursue her any further, or don't make a good enough effort. Also, I always get apprehensive of my lack of relationship experience being brought up, so I avoid getting to close. However, if I would have just put more effort in, I wouldn't be where I am now.
It's frustrating :/
Click to expand...

How do you tell if someone seems interested?
 
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klytus

Well-known member
DownInAHole said:
hmm just their mannerisms around me, texting/messaging me a lot, body language, etc.
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Most of the time, women just want attention. Texting a lot means nothing, and body language isn't reliable. All people text a lot. It's what they do these days. Wherever you go, you see people texting.
 
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DownInAHole

Well-known member
klytus said:
Most of the time, women just want attention. Texting a lot means nothing, and body language isn't reliable. All people text a lot. It's what they do these days. Wherever you go, you see people texting.
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It's more the content of the texts. Plus, I'm just generalizing. I've had people tell me certain girls were interested, and certain girls have repeatedly wanted to hang out..
I'm a pretty likeable guy, I just need to be more active in pursuing girls.
 
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klytus

Well-known member
DownInAHole said:
It's more the content of the texts. Plus, I'm just generalizing. I've had people tell me certain girls were interested, and certain girls have repeatedly wanted to hang out..
I'm a pretty likeable guy, I just need to be more active in pursuing girls.
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Interesting. What do you think makes you likable? Most people here think that they are downright unlovable, unapproachable, disgusting.
 
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Lilium

Member
But I really want a girlfriend (maybe not really because at the same time I'm afraid). I want to talk to the girls that I like but when I talk to them, it seems to never function as a signal that I do like them. I'm also afraid of rejection, not because they wouldn't like me back, but because I'd be seen as a really vulnerable guy. I hate being vulnerable and hate being displayed in such a manner. I want to be the guy where not too many things breaks down his security. Being rejected by a girl that you like and having to see her almost everyday and having half the class know that breaks down my security. I want to be seen as apathetic, almost.
 
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klytus

Well-known member
Lilium said:
But I really want a girlfriend (maybe not really because at the same time I'm afraid). I want to talk to the girls that I like but when I talk to them, it seems to never function as a signal that I do like them. I'm also afraid of rejection, not because they wouldn't like me back, but because I'd be seen as a really vulnerable guy. I hate being vulnerable and hate being displayed in such a manner. I want to be the guy where not too many things breaks down his security. Being rejected by a girl that you like and having to see her almost everyday and having half the class know that breaks down my security. I want to be seen as apathetic, almost.
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Eh, well, if she rejects you, it's her loss. You can't save everybody. Get another girl and make her the happiest one on Earth to show all those who rejected you what they miss out on now.
 
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