I just found this site today.. and I'm grateful

[Flynt]

Hi all,

New user here, and a little bit nervous about posting. My name is Flynt and I live in Melbourne Australia. I work full time, study via correspondance (because I'm too scared to actually go to a uni) and try to be 'real' in my day to day life. Part of being real is looking for strange and interesting things to do with my spare time. I'm a fire spinner and I have several facial peircings and dreadlocks.

I think perhaps I appreciate minority groups like fire spinners, or 'dread heads' because there are less of them? and they know what its like to be alienated or not accepted. Sometimes I think of my piercings and strange clothes as armour, it makes people approach me less often. Mostly I just try to find people I can relate to one on one because I do much better that way, and I am lucky to have some truly beautiful friends who care about me a lot (fire spinners really are lovely people!) alot of people though, dont believe I have a problem, because I get very scared around people and overcompensate (speak in a high pitched voice, be ridiculous and usually funny, or avoid talking all together) and they think I'm just a bit odd...

Does anyone else find themselves almost alienating themselves as a defensive tactic?? I really avoid going to parties or places where there arent 'safe' people, because in those situations I am practically frozen with fear...

Anyways, if anyone has any tips about dealing with these sort of things, or advice, I would love to hear it.

Yours in healing and hope,

xoxoxo
Flynt

 

[Damien]

Welcome aboard. Im from Adelaide.

Firespinning huh? How on earth did you get into that? Is it hard?

Damien

 

[Flynt]

its really fun actually and I practice alot, so not that hard I saw it one night when on holiday with a friend and I never forgot it, so the next year when I was pretty much housebound, I would go out in to the backyard and practice my ass off... Then one day my brother decided he wanted to learn too, and I'll never forget the first time we lit our poi on fire... It's an amazing feeling

Its a cool sport/art. You kind of get really enraptured in it, so its easy to forget you are surrounded by people, because it becomes just you and the flame... Makes it easier to cope when doing performance or anythign like that too!

 

[annie]

Hi Flynt,

I am from Melbourne too.

I belong to an anxiety organisations that organises social outings for people social anxiety. If you want more information check out: www.adavic.org
they also have a message board: http://critta.net/forums/index.php

Maybe joining a social group would help you with your social anxiety.

Good luck!

annie :wink:

 

[ppaul]

yeah Flynt, I'm the same, a lot of people who know wouldnt think i have SP, just that im a bit odd.

The worst thing is the high pitched voice thing. only just become aware of it and it pisses me off.

 

[Flynt]

annie, I'm working up towards stuff like that... but thanks for the info xoxo

ppaul, nice foot! yeah, the high pitched thing really really bugs me, I hate it so much I do it alot around family reunions too, because I get nervous around my relatives, which is odd because I already know them...

um, yeah.

So on saturday night, I have been invited to a dancing thing (I dont have to dance, its like a dancing schools mid year ball or soemthing) and the person who invited me has bought me a ticket as well, so I cant really get out of it..... and I'm freaking out alittle because there's going to be lots of people and very few that I know. I've tried to make it as 'safe' as I can, I'm sitting between two people I know, having someone pick me up from the train station... but honestly I really really dont want to go now and I am so terrified...

not sure what to do

 

[Flynt]

God I'm having a hard week.

Why is it in winter, just when the S.A.D. kicks in, that everything gets harder involving people too? I dont know if its SAD or SocPHob, or what, but this sucks utterly. I feel like screaming at people, but I'm just too scared of what anyone would think of me.
Had a hard situation the other night, went out with friends to see a band, was having a good night, they (being recently enamoured with each other) started ordering tequila slammers, and after doing the lemon and salt thing on each other, and then turned to me (now feeling very much like a third wheel) and told me i wasnt allowed to just drink my tequila normally, and they would help me pick someone up in the bar to lick salt off...

god. just wanted to die then and there .
Just not having a great week right now, I guess...

 

[black_mamba]

Hi Flynt (fan of the stone age perchance?)

I hope your friends didn't force you into anything. That must suck. People close to me know when to stop because I start making noises like Marge Simpson. Hmmmgggggg! Try it.

I was going to join the fire spinning society at my university but chickened out because I was a bit intimidated by all the weird and wonderful people! I was also scared that I would be awful at it. I can juggle 3 objects at a time at the most; this was achieved, like you, by spending an entire day in my back garden as a child practicing like mad.

Anyway, its strange for me to feel intimidated by these people because I used to do the whole 'dress-up as escapism' thing when I was younger. I also thought that being able to spin fire (or swallow it) would be a great performance piece I could do to show off in front of people instead of having to talk to them.

Woah, I feel stupid. Fancy some tequila?

 

[Flynt]

oh dont feel stupid! not even a little bit! If you ever do want to join a spinning group over there, i know some really lovely people who could take you under their wing, so to speak. and wont judge you for what you can and cannot do... I'd be happy to put you in touch with some of them. It's been my experience that Spinners are the loveliest people, and while most of them wont understand your Soc Phob, you will have the common thread of spinning with them, and that usually helps bunches. Meeting them one at a time helps a lot too...

I havent been to spinning for a few weeks, winter slays me, makes it harder to get out, get to places on my own... But i'll be going this weekend for sure! Its monday today, and if I start psyching myself up now, i should make it...

oh, and Flynt is my real name actually

Hope everyone is having a good week! Stay strong, be brave...

 

[Flynt]

today I am going to my first uni lecture, ever. Pretty nervous, trying not to freak out!

I'm making it as easy as possible, i've researched and rehearsed getting to the lecture, i know the lecturer personally, so that helps, I have a new notebook and two new pens to write with...

Wish me luck ppl, I fear I am going to need it. xoxoxox

Hope everyone elses' week is going well. xoxox

 

[redlady]

Hi Flynt, so how was your lecture today man? I'm sure it went fine, cause nothing is ever as bad as our mind's would have us believe - the lying little tricksters that they are.
A firespinner with piercings and dreadlocks - wow you sound fantastic - the first thought that entered my head when i read that was John Butler.
Sometimes i do the high pitched voice thing and i end up sounding overly sugary sweet - i describe it as a hyped up canary and it makes me sound 7 yrs old - which i find incredibly embarassing.
I alienate myself on more than one level as well and sometimes only after the fact do i realise that i am doing it - i perplex myself, as do we all.
There's that sneaky little mind again doing it's work.
Okay well i really hope your first lecture was a positive experience - instilling in you a sense of excitement to attend your next one ( as if he says ) Seeya. Oh and welcome to the site.

 

[redlady]

Hey Flynt - it seems the MM machine is on the blink again - i have responded to your MM's just had to let you know - perhaps in, oh um mmm 2 or so days you may just get them :roll: Oh dear, why can't things just work ???

 

[Flynt]

heh. MM's are CRAZY

alas, poor lectures, I had to abandon them

I made it to four! thats a record! But health stuff and work stuff got in the way. The lecturer is uber cool tho, (we like him bunches) he said I can take the course again next year for freeeeeeeee
woo!

So i might just do that.

In the meantime, I went to my first camping festival last weekend. I didnt have a single panic attack, and I am so damn proud of myself. I took my journal and my writing bookk and a sketch book, and I took time out when I needed it, and went for walks in the bush, and ultimately, I had a great time.

I feel like I"m finally on the road to recovery from this insidious disease, that one day I'm goign to be able to show up at a colleague or friends birthday party or barbeque and not totally die of fear...

*sigh*

just taking it one day at a time, but im definately marking this as a notch on the "YAY!" side of life.

*hugssssssssss* to alL! xoxox

 

[redlady]

Sorry to hear about your lectures - 'silverlining', what a cool lecturer though - ah, the best things in life are free.
That camping festival sounded great - glad you could enjoy it - i have never had a panic attack but i am sure they are a right old mood buster - understatement right.
Soon i will join you on that road and clock up some of those notches myself :wink: You sound like you are doing just fine - very happy to hear it.

 

[Flynt]

ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*bangs head on wall*

I'm lying in bed this morning, argueing with myself about going to Thai Chi for the first time... Really wanted to go, start feeling ill at the thought of it...

make up my mind to go, leap out of bed!>.... and it starts pouring with rain.

So now I'm up early, feeling like I'm goign to throw up because I'm still so damn nervous, and I have no thai chi to go to.

goddamn!

 

[redlady]

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!! you got that right - To win the battle only to be stopped in the end anyway - to gain control only to have it taken from you - beyond frustrating, no wonder you feel sick.
Don't bang your head too hard - you got your tai chi class next week :wink:

 

[Flynt]

yeah,
sometimes I get so down on myself for not following through with things because I start to freak out? bah.

Hate it. Kicks of a spiral of self loathing, that just makes the whole day bad...

 

[hippiejane]

I just found this site.....I am sooo happy I've found people like me.
I never assumed I was alone feeling like this but I just never knew where to find you all.

:wink:

 

[Flynt]

it's nice finally finding people that understand huh!!!
i know i was sure relieved when I found SPworld! woo!

*hug*

 

[Johno]

FLYNT IS NOT GENUINE..... Consider this........