I hope my thought may help someone like it helps me

[Lea]

You did say "The people I was talking about are totally unspoilable ... and incorruptible." I interpreted this as "perfect".
Honesty is not stupid, weak or inhuman. Lying is not cool. I hate anyone who intentionally hurts another human being. Being human does not excuse any kind of bad behaviour, but it explains some of it. Lies, cheating and murders do not make us more human, but they are sometimes a result of being human and therefore "imperfect". Most people seem to have an "evil" side. Almost everyone lies or manipulates sometimes. Do I think this is good? No. And I do not excuse this behaviour. But I try to judge the act and not the person. The fact that everyone lies does not make everyone a liar. And I'm not sure if we have the same definition of social skills. I only define it as "the ability to communicate naturally with other people". Nothing more. Not "conforming to society" or "learning how to lie and manipulate". And that is why I don't see anything bad with social skills.

Yes of course if you mean social skills just like this, that enable us to function in daily life, that's understandable. I think most people have these basic skills. We don't need to be social superstars to be able to do shopping, travel, use phone or do some not too much social work etc., or interact with people. I think I myself probably come across as quite normal first, until they get to know me better and realize I am weird. I cannot change the thing that I am naturally very quiet in groups, have problems with eye contact etc. Or I kind of freeze in some situations and am unable to function anymore. But this doesn't make anyone a worse or inferior person, or do you think so? I think this disorder is due to biology rather than your "fault", so why should anyone like this feel worse than somebody else, that's stupid.

I remember once I met a girl, who was very extroverted and attractive, but extremely awkward in manual skills. She had difficulty even opening a door, or couldn't ride a bicycle, said she could never do it. I guess she had dyspraxia. Everyone is affected differently - someone lacks social, someone manual skills but it's both just a brain disorder and has nothing to do with your character traits. A brain disorder doesn't make anyone inferior in character or inferior as a person, who is backward in human evolution!

 

[Qbmaster]

Yes of course if you mean social skills just like this, that enable us to function in daily life, that's understandable. I think most people have these basic skills. We don't need to be social superstars to be able to do shopping, travel, use phone or do some not too much social work etc., or interact with people. I think I myself probably come across as quite normal first, until they get to know me better and realize I am weird. I cannot change the thing that I am naturally very quiet in groups, have problems with eye contact etc. Or I kind of freeze in some situations and am unable to function anymore. But this doesn't make anyone a worse or inferior person, or do you think so? I think this disorder is due to biology rather than your "fault", so why should anyone like this feel worse than somebody else, that's stupid.

I remember once I met a girl, who was very extroverted and attractive, but extremely awkward in manual skills. She had difficulty even opening a door, or couldn't ride a bicycle, said she could never do it. I guess she had dyspraxia. Everyone is affected differently - someone lacks social, someone manual skills but it's both just a brain disorder and has nothing to do with your character traits. A brain disorder doesn't make anyone inferior in character or inferior as a person, who is backward in human evolution!

You're right! Nobody should feel inferior to anyone else just because they lack a skill that the other person has. Nothing says that being more evolved is better. One could for example say that birds are far more evolved than fish, but see how much that helps them in the water! I agree with the idea of reincarnation only as a way of changing mental focus from "I can't" to "I can't yet". I can see no other good use for it, but if it works for someone that is a good thing.

 

[Lea]

You're right! Nobody should feel inferior to anyone else just because they lack a skill that the other person has. Nothing says that being more evolved is better. One could for example say that birds are far more evolved than fish, but see how much that helps them in the water! I agree with the idea of reincarnation only as a way of changing mental focus from "I can't" to "I can't yet". I can see no other good use for it, but if it works for someone that is a good thing.

It is funny how when I hear the words "social skills", I instantly think of the art to know how to pretend or how to be fake. Maybe because people always say "you need to learn social skills", that's why it made me think of it as something that is a matter of learning and therefore it smells of cunningness and calculation. Is it not enough to be natural and yourself? I cannot change into someone I am not. And if they only mean with that elimination of shyness, I can't do it, it is a part of my personality. Now if I decided to be air stewardess for example and learned how is the job done, I'd have the skills but still couldn't do it because I'd have to smile, be confident, cheerful, social etc. I don't think it could be learned. What I learned since school though is to be more natural and myself. But even this doesn't always work.

In my opinion good social skills come with absence of shyness and with confidence. If you are shy, you can learn whatever you want, but as long as you're still shy and have low self esteem it's of no use. On the other hand, people with no inhibitions and confidence have these "skills" automatically. So isn't it a bit insult/discrimination if someone suggests improving social skills? I could only understand it in case they don't know what they are saying which they most likely don't.

 

[chained]

when u know it isn;t true, and it only helps u get thro the days u aren;t in denial.. and very interesting may i say

 

[Qbmaster]

In my opinion good social skills come with absence of shyness and with confidence. If you are shy, you can learn whatever you want, but as long as you're still shy and have low self esteem it's of no use. On the other hand, people with no inhibitions and confidence have these "skills" automatically. So isn't it a bit insult/discrimination if someone suggests improving social skills? I could only understand it in case they don't know what they are saying which they most likely don't.

I'm not sure if confident people have these skills automatically or if they acquire them automatically. I strongly believe that social skills can be improved, but improving them cannot be separated from improving your confidence and self esteem. Of course you can't communicate naturally with other people if you are scared of them or if you think they dislike you. This might not be possible to do for everyone (I don't know, because I've never studied psychology), but in general I think that trying and failing is better than not trying. It is also possible that social skills is actually something we are born with (as I said, I just don't know). In this case I guess the reason why some people have bad social skills is that low self esteem or some kind of acquired reflexes pretend them/us from using the social skills that we already have. In this case the process of improving ones social skills is more or less identical to improving ones self esteem and does not include any actual learning of skills. I am a very shy person myself, but I don't really see this as part of my personality. I see my personality as "quiet", which in many cases is almost equal to "shy" but without the fear. And yes, I believe that changing the way we think (e.g. "shy" to "quiet") can sometimes change our perception of reality. Not saying that changing our thoughts is easy (or even possible in all cases!)

 

[theory816]

It doesn't sound weird at all. People have all kinds of theories from evolution to creationism but in the end there's no "final" answer that says exactly word for word how we came to be or what our purpose is or why some people have it easier then other so your theory shouldn't be any less valid.

I believe that alot of factors come into play when someone has SA. More nurture then nature. I tend to look back into my past and see how alot of my traits is rubbed off on me from parents and siblings and how my traits is passed on to my younger siblings. Its scary almost how its almost a mirror. We pick up traits from family members that are unacceptable in the outside world and we dont pick up traits that are neccessary for a good social life because we havent been around enough people.